My sympathies on the various mental and spousal roadblocks. Will hates job-hunting, too, and also hates being pushed into things. He is convinced that if he so much as even LOOKS at job ads (or *gasp* sends in a resume), it somehow commits him to something. But I hear your frustration because it seems like even if you DON'T say anything (ie about housecleaning), nothing happens anyway. Gah. And, like you, I have fairly high security needs. On the other hand, although I think it's great that you're aware of the various mental pitfalls, don't try to think yourself to death, or beat yourself up for magical wishing/thinking, 'k? We all need to dream a little, even if it's farfetched.

Hugs