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Apropos of yesterday's Little Black Dress entry
Since I started following The Uniform Project last year, I've started watching a handful of other fashion blogs, too. I've already mentioned New Dress a Day. Another one I really like is Fashion for Nerds. I just like her style a lot, not to mention her self-confidence. Her entry yesterday was spot on with my uncertainty about the combination I wore yesterday:
Another thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is age appropriateness. I wouldn't want to be "mutton dressed as lamb." I worried a bit about that, specifically, with yesterday's outfit. This has been much on my mind lately, as I just turned fifty. There is no doubt that I've noticed that I just don't turn heads the way that I did when I was younger. An inevitable effect of aging, especially aging in America, alas. And some woman dislike this so much that they try to recapture the attention they once basked in by wearing something that pretends they are younger than they really are. I think I've also thought about this a lot because I happen to have gorgeous teenage daughters in the house. Fiona and Delia can wear anything and look fantastic in it. They can wear the clothes I used to wear and love, but which look much more appropriate on them than on me. I think there is something really pathetic in a woman who dresses in a way that makes it clear she's sort of competing with her own (maybe much more beautiful) daughter, as if she's trying to regain the spotlight that a daughter's burgeoning beauty has maybe edged her out of. So sometimes I handle my sartorial longings by buying knockout clothes I like and giving them to one of the girls to wear.
But there's no doubt that buying and experimenting with the Uniform Dress has made me think about and at least attempt a more experimental and perhaps 'younger' look.
Wearing this somewhat wacky color combination got me thinking about the comments that I frequently get about my stylistic choices. Many people have remarked that they appreciate my bravery and confidence in wearing whatever I want, and I started to think about what that concept really means. And what I determined is this: it really is just a question of words, specifically the ones that are used by others to describe us, and particularly the ones that can be construed as less-than-flattering. Words are strange things; some can cut to the quick while others have no effect whatsoever.As I commented on Audi's blog, I'm sometimes constrained by where I'm working ("brave," which is how the receptionist described my outfit yesterday, maybe is sometimes not appropriate at a law firm). I like the words colorful, elegant, poised, well-proportioned. I think I would like "off-beat" or "unexpected" or "funky," but more often if I'm away from where I work. If it's at my workplace, those very same words might have carry more pejorative weight. I wouldn't ever want to hear "slutty or trashy" either--and what's more, if I wore something like that to work, it would get me in trouble professionally.
The choices we all make reflect which words we're okay with having assigned to us, and which we're not. No matter how you dress, some people will like it and some won't; it's just a matter of exactly what your detractors are going to say about you. Everyone at some point in life will be described in less than glowing terms, and so along the way we all develop sensitivity around some of those terms, and resistance to others. And from that perspective, everyone has precisely the same amount of stylistic bravery.
So I thought it'd be an interesting exercise to talk about which (presumably negative) words we don't mind hearing about ourselves and which ones make us cringe, because I thought it would be a way to understand our own choices better, and a way to push our so-called bravery in the direction we want it to go. I'll get us started. I think my style reflects the fact that I would much prefer to be viewed as eccentric or even bizarre rather than unoriginal or boring. I'll take androgynous or even unfeminine over slutty or trashy any day. And I'd much rather someone think I'm completely off my rocker than that I've played it safe. And therein lie the limits of my confidence. Put me in a staid beige pantsuit and just see how brave I am then.
Which negative words sting you and which ones bounce right off? How do your stylistic choices reflect these preferences?
Another thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is age appropriateness. I wouldn't want to be "mutton dressed as lamb." I worried a bit about that, specifically, with yesterday's outfit. This has been much on my mind lately, as I just turned fifty. There is no doubt that I've noticed that I just don't turn heads the way that I did when I was younger. An inevitable effect of aging, especially aging in America, alas. And some woman dislike this so much that they try to recapture the attention they once basked in by wearing something that pretends they are younger than they really are. I think I've also thought about this a lot because I happen to have gorgeous teenage daughters in the house. Fiona and Delia can wear anything and look fantastic in it. They can wear the clothes I used to wear and love, but which look much more appropriate on them than on me. I think there is something really pathetic in a woman who dresses in a way that makes it clear she's sort of competing with her own (maybe much more beautiful) daughter, as if she's trying to regain the spotlight that a daughter's burgeoning beauty has maybe edged her out of. So sometimes I handle my sartorial longings by buying knockout clothes I like and giving them to one of the girls to wear.
But there's no doubt that buying and experimenting with the Uniform Dress has made me think about and at least attempt a more experimental and perhaps 'younger' look.