This got awfully dreadfully long, and I'm embarrassed to leave such a lengthy comment, but this topic is v v close to my heart, so I hope I can ask your leave to go on about it at some length.
I haven't sold any writing in many years, but I had the beginnings of a small lit-career going while I was in grad school, and I've never thought I'd be anything other than a writer (indeed, I'm not v good at anything other than writing). I recently finished the first short story I'd written in _years_ and have v haltingly begun working on my first novel again, so I am Back, altho it's a bit sputtering.
Why did you stop? I wrote quite frequently until grad school, when I simultaneously suffered 1) a major depressive episode 2) real poverty 3) a major career crisis. That was in 1995-1996. I wound up dropping out of grad school and was v badly depressed for quite a while. I went on medication for the first time, and it took me quite a long time to recover. There were other stoppages, like intense college work and difficulty with personal space when first married, but that was The Big One. Up until that, I had always written and submitted work for publication regularly.
What did you need to resume? I feel a bit funny writing this out since it is so me-specific ....I needed to quit drinking. I am an alcoholic and had been a v heavy (binge) drinker from 17-31. I also needed to be treated for my depression, with therapy and medz. I also needed to stop waiting for permission or validation that I _could_ start again. I felt v cut off from that former writer-self, from any success at all in fact, and had to sort of start all over again from rock bottom. There was also a tremendous load of guilt and expectations built up I had to simultaneously work through and learn to ignore. I needed to unsubscribe from premium cable channels (and will probably just throw out the TV). I needed to face how miserable not-writing made me. I needed to forgive myself for "failing so badly" (how I always thought of it) over 10 years ago. My husband has always understood I need time for my writing (I have no kids) and been v supportive when I've picked it back up, so in that I have been v v lucky.
What prompted your resuming? It's v hard to answer that, which is v frustrating. It was _not_ at all a one-time miracle or a Big Spontaneous Epiphany. I started an online blog -- I have always written a journal, ever since I was a young child, and wrote that even when I wrote nothing else (altho that's slackened a bit since I started writing frequently on LJ and I'm not entirely happy about that -- I am trying to rev that back up, too) -- with the feeling that one of the big things blocking me was the idea of someone, anyone else, reading my stuff and not liking it, so I resolved to start writing publicly and it wouldn't matter if anyone else liked it or not. I then found my way to LJ, and attempted to do "NaNo" with a bunch of LJ friends on and off for about 2-3 years. I only "won" once, but their faith in my ability to do it and just the attempt were big steps for me. Finding a lot of other writers on LJ and listening to them talk about writing helped a lot, too. When I "won" NaNo, it was with half a novel-length fanfic that IIRC topped 60,000 words. It was the longest thing I'd written in years. I went on writing some more fanfic, which really rekindled my love of writing _for fun,_ writing because _I_ wanted to, not because I wanted to be published or be famous or be known as A Writer. Regaining that sense of pure play was v important for me. If not for the friendship and support of a lot of people on LJ, I might not even have ever tried again.
very long!
I haven't sold any writing in many years, but I had the beginnings of a small lit-career going while I was in grad school, and I've never thought I'd be anything other than a writer (indeed, I'm not v good at anything other than writing). I recently finished the first short story I'd written in _years_ and have v haltingly begun working on my first novel again, so I am Back, altho it's a bit sputtering.
Why did you stop?
I wrote quite frequently until grad school, when I simultaneously suffered 1) a major depressive episode 2) real poverty 3) a major career crisis. That was in 1995-1996. I wound up dropping out of grad school and was v badly depressed for quite a while. I went on medication for the first time, and it took me quite a long time to recover. There were other stoppages, like intense college work and difficulty with personal space when first married, but that was The Big One. Up until that, I had always written and submitted work for publication regularly.
What did you need to resume?
I feel a bit funny writing this out since it is so me-specific ....I needed to quit drinking. I am an alcoholic and had been a v heavy (binge) drinker from 17-31. I also needed to be treated for my depression, with therapy and medz. I also needed to stop waiting for permission or validation that I _could_ start again. I felt v cut off from that former writer-self, from any success at all in fact, and had to sort of start all over again from rock bottom. There was also a tremendous load of guilt and expectations built up I had to simultaneously work through and learn to ignore. I needed to unsubscribe from premium cable channels (and will probably just throw out the TV). I needed to face how miserable not-writing made me. I needed to forgive myself for "failing so badly" (how I always thought of it) over 10 years ago. My husband has always understood I need time for my writing (I have no kids) and been v supportive when I've picked it back up, so in that I have been v v lucky.
What prompted your resuming?
It's v hard to answer that, which is v frustrating. It was _not_ at all a one-time miracle or a Big Spontaneous Epiphany. I started an online blog -- I have always written a journal, ever since I was a young child, and wrote that even when I wrote nothing else (altho that's slackened a bit since I started writing frequently on LJ and I'm not entirely happy about that -- I am trying to rev that back up, too) -- with the feeling that one of the big things blocking me was the idea of someone, anyone else, reading my stuff and not liking it, so I resolved to start writing publicly and it wouldn't matter if anyone else liked it or not. I then found my way to LJ, and attempted to do "NaNo" with a bunch of LJ friends on and off for about 2-3 years. I only "won" once, but their faith in my ability to do it and just the attempt were big steps for me. Finding a lot of other writers on LJ and listening to them talk about writing helped a lot, too. When I "won" NaNo, it was with half a novel-length fanfic that IIRC topped 60,000 words. It was the longest thing I'd written in years. I went on writing some more fanfic, which really rekindled my love of writing _for fun,_ writing because _I_ wanted to, not because I wanted to be published or be famous or be known as A Writer. Regaining that sense of pure play was v important for me. If not for the friendship and support of a lot of people on LJ, I might not even have ever tried again.
CONT