Oh, honey, I'm sorry you're feeling punk and depressed. What you say is interesting, because it's you and I (we) care about you. It's also always well-written, so worth reading just for that.

I have a suggestion, a little one. Read something, something important but wonderful. Not more fanfic, not a book you're read before, nothing long. It won't even take that long. If there isn't anything you have in mind, read Calvino's Invisible Cities, which I love. Don't read it to learn things for your own work (which is my problem when I read). Think of it as cracking a window in a car on a winter evening, not too much but enough to feel the cold air in your lungs. Just to feel some new air.