You know, Peg, I went shopping with my mother on Sunday. At one point I was in the changing room as she was trying on a shirt. Now, my mother is thin, and wears probably a 6 or an 8. But she's got no muscle. None. Despite how much thinner than me she is (I'm a 12), she's got probably twice as much fat as I do. She looks better than me in clothes, but it's all an illusion.
Growing up, I never once saw my mother try to better herself. I saw her spend money on exercise clothes and equipment, but never once use them. She criticized herself (and me) plenty, but that was it--she never actually did anything about it. (And believe me, watching my mother--who has a smaller frame than I do--call herself fat has reinforced my belief that I am fat.) So that's what I learned: I should have a thinner and smaller frame than my mom did to be worthwhile, it's normal to hate yourself, and it's pointless to do anything about it.
You are a human being, and your daughters see that. There are things you struggle with, sure. But you do something about them. You have overly self-critical urges, but you recognize them as a problem to be fought. You are on a constant quest to improve yourself and your life, not because you aren't a good human being, but because it improves the quality of your life. Your girls see that. They are surely learning from you that it's ok not to be perfect--indeed, that no one is--but that striving to be a better person enriches one's life and creates happiness and satisfaction.
I don't know your girls, but they sound like fantastic human beings. You're clearly doing a wonderful job.
no subject
Growing up, I never once saw my mother try to better herself. I saw her spend money on exercise clothes and equipment, but never once use them. She criticized herself (and me) plenty, but that was it--she never actually did anything about it. (And believe me, watching my mother--who has a smaller frame than I do--call herself fat has reinforced my belief that I am fat.) So that's what I learned: I should have a thinner and smaller frame than my mom did to be worthwhile, it's normal to hate yourself, and it's pointless to do anything about it.
You are a human being, and your daughters see that. There are things you struggle with, sure. But you do something about them. You have overly self-critical urges, but you recognize them as a problem to be fought. You are on a constant quest to improve yourself and your life, not because you aren't a good human being, but because it improves the quality of your life. Your girls see that. They are surely learning from you that it's ok not to be perfect--indeed, that no one is--but that striving to be a better person enriches one's life and creates happiness and satisfaction.
I don't know your girls, but they sound like fantastic human beings. You're clearly doing a wonderful job.