pegkerr: (Rob)
Rob and I each had our own alarm clocks, on our respective dressers. He kept his running about twenty minutes fast, which drove me nuts, but he insisted was necessary so he wouldn't be late for work (it didn't always work like that).

It took until today, over three months after he is gone, to correct it to the actual time.

But why do I have two alarm clocks anyway?
pegkerr: (Default)
My family made sure I could have a good day today, and I was so grateful. The first time, the first year of special dates are hard, but the people who love me made it as easy as possible.

My mom, my sister Betsy, Fiona and I went out for brunch. We dropped Fiona at a friend's and then went home and spent a couple of hours clearing stuff out of the garage--my plan is to get Rob's car out of storage and use that, getting rid of my Honda. Haven't decided whether I am going to try to sell it or donate it yet. We filled up the garbage and recycling with lots of stuff (and found various things in boxes that made us laugh. I found his driver's license that expired in 2008, his physics notebook from 1975, and a holographic Olympics calendar from 2002. Rob kept EVERYTHING.)

I also found a Valentine card he had given to me years ago. It was almost like getting a birthday card from him.

Then, we met Fiona again at the Riverview Theater where we went to see The Greatest Showman. Fiona and I had seen it before and enjoyed ourselves hugely, and Mom and Betsy loved seeing it for the first time.

Finally, we drove to my sister's home on Lake Minnetonka, where we ate a delicious dinner. I drove Mom home, and then Fiona. Fiona and I sang The Greatest Showman soundtrack all the way to her apartment.

Yes. I had a good day. I am thankful.

Peg and her mom in a booth at brunch, showing off a caramel roll

Fiona and Peg sit in a booth at brunch

Betsy and Peg at brunch

Believe it or not, it's actually an improvement:
pegkerr: (candle)
We had a Weasley clock that Delia made and gave me for Christmas that hangs in our bedroom. Tonight, I took down Rob's clock hand, and I mounted and hung it under the clock.


pegkerr: (Give her hell from us Peeves)
Someone tell me not to send this:

Dear Securian:

Here is the receipt you requested for the $4.06 I charged to my health savings account credit card. This was a payment made over the phone to _______ pharmacy, which was calling to explain that they had messed up my billing: something had been duplicated, so part was being reversed, and if I just paid $4.06, we would be square. I actually think it's kind of amazing, given everything that's been going on for me, that I thought to ask them to send me a receipt. Good thing they did, considering your warning that if I do not send you this documentation within 45 days, you will cancel my health savings card AND inform my employer. I find this threat oddly amusing, considering I have bigger problems. My husband is dead, just one of the twenty or so Explanation of Benefits statements I've recently received notes charges of $618,000 +, and they still haven't straightened out the billing mess. But anyway, here is your proof that I properly spent that $4.06 on something related to medical costs.

Choke on it.
pegkerr: (candle)
It's been a month, and grief is still absolutely kicking my ass. The girls are struggling, too.

I'm still wearing black. Well, I put on a gray jacket today, and that feels almost...frivolous.

My email box is overflowing. If I haven't replied, know that I have over 700 unopened emails.

This is so goddamned hard.
pegkerr: (candle)
I have been working on creating this card both before and after Rob's death:

The Widow - Committee/Council Suit
I am the One who has no comfort to ease the pain of his passing, who lingers on in darkness and in doubt as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. I dwell bound to my grief until all the world is changed and the long years of my life are utterly spent.

I am the One who has no comfort to ease the pain of his passing, the one who lingers on in darkness and in doubt as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. I dwell bound to my grief until all the world is changed and the long years of my life are utterly spent.

This one is composed of three overlaid images: 1) Arwen in mourning standing by Aragorn's sarcophagus (at 1:35 in the video below), 2) Arwen's head, bowed, in a mourning veil, (1:47 in the video below) and 3) my left hand wearing both my and Rob's wedding ring.

I became sort of fascinated with this scene in the movie (The Two Towers) after Rob developed cancer. I have a "Death" musical playlist, and I ripped the .mp3 from this scene and included it on the playlist (and cribbed the words for the description).



I like it that the images are "veiled" by being superimposed on each other, just like Arwen's mourning veil.

Rob's funeral is tomorrow. Details are in his obituary, which can found here.
pegkerr: (candle)
Rob's memorial service will be held on Friday, February 2, 2018 at Lake Nokomis Lutheran Church, 5011 31st Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55417. Visitation with the family will be at 10:00 a.m. and the service will be at 11:00 a.m. with a luncheon to follow.

In lieu of flowers, the family suggests memorial gifts to The Minnesota Science Fiction, Society, Inc., (Minn-StF), Carleton College, or Open Arms of Minnesota.
pegkerr: (Rob)
Rob passed away peacefully this morning at 9:15 a.m. in the presence of his family.

We will announce the details for his upcoming memorial service on his CaringBridge when we have them settled. Click here to read more.
pegkerr: (Rob)
There had been a rapid deterioration over the past week. He's gone from the TCU to the hospital to the ICU in just a couple of days. Read more at CaringBridge post here. The next 24-48 hours will be critical.

I love him. He's fighting so hard. But he has been through so much.
pegkerr: (candle)
Another setback.

Read more at CaringBridge here.
pegkerr: (Default)
Rob isn't yet in remission so has received more chemo. New issue now, too. Read more at CaringBridge here.

Peg is still looking for someone local who can store Rob's car for the winter. Can anyone help? Her contact info is on the CaringBridge post.
pegkerr: (Default)
Rob has been back in the hospital again.

We had family pictures taken last week by the highly talented John Walsh. Good thing, too: Rob's hair started to fall out today from the Decitabine chemotherapy, and so he shaved it off today. Click here to see Rob's new look and to learn about the PET scan.
pegkerr: (Default)
Everything has changed. Again. See CaringBridge post here.
pegkerr: (Deep roots are not reached by the frost)
Rob is going to be in the hospital for the next two months.

We are now going for bone marrow transplant.

Read more at our CaringBridge post here.
pegkerr: (Rob)
Here's an account of the past two weeks, as well as a request for help: Rob has a series of appointments at the U of MN three times a week (M, W, F afternoons) and we're trying to schedule volunteers to drive him so Peg can return to work.

Read more at the CaringBridge post here.
pegkerr: (candle)
Everything has changed, and we are in all new territory. The clinical trial is off. Click here to find out why.

We are trying to be brave. It is difficult.
pegkerr: (I told no lies and of the truth all I co)
Here's a new card I made tonight that I quite like.

I've taken the Strengthsfinder test, and my very top strength is "Strategic."

The Woman Who Copes Ahead - Committee Suit
I am the One who plans ahead to make the future as successful as possible. I can instantly plot the best path through the maze. I am the Ant who brings in the harvest, who keeps an eye on the clock and the calendar, who saves for emergencies and retirement and always remembers to pay the insurance bill. I am gifted, wise, confident, and clever. My family benefits from my foresight and organization.

I am the One who plans ahead to make the future as successful as possible. I can instantly plot the best path through the maze. I am the Ant who brings in the harvest, who keeps an eye on the clock and the calendar, who saves for emergencies and retirement and always remembers to pay the insurance bill. I am gifted, wise, confident, and clever. My family benefits from my foresight and organization.
pegkerr: (Deep roots are not reached by the frost)
Rob is not doing well. And we have had more bad news: cancer has now reached Rob's bone marrow.

Read more at CaringBridge here.
pegkerr: (Default)
I have been at a bit of a loss because my photos are hosted over at LiveJournal, but I don't want to upload photos there anymore. Haven't quite learned the ropes here, but here goes. Anyway, made these a bit ago, but just posting them now.

Grandparent - Council Suit
I am the One who rejoices in the company of the child of my own child. I am a mentor and a teacher, a parental figure and a friend all in one. Spending time with my grandchild reintroduces me to joys which may have slipped from my own life. Our bond tightens the generations together.

I am the One who rejoices in the company of the child of my own child. I am a mentor and a teacher, a parental figure and a friend all in one. Spending time with my grandchild reintroduces me to joys which may have slipped from my own life. Our bond tightens the generations together.

Fear - Committee/Council Suit
I am the One who freezes in primal terror, trapped between the horror ahead and the threat behind.

I am the One who freezes in primal terror, trapped between the horror ahead and the threat behind.

This one is a lot about the truly difficult times I was having when I was unemployed and Rob was failing. I really don't want to go back to this mental state.

The Magical Child - Council Suit
I am the One whose holy, mystical innocence will save the world.

I am the One whose holy, mystical innocence will save the world.

The Mythopoeic Reader - Committee/Fairytale Suit
I am the One who delights in reading stories of adventure in fantastic imaginary worlds.

I am the One who delights in reading stories of adventure in fantastic imaginary worlds.
pegkerr: (candle)
We had a PET scan report today, and it wasn't good. Rob's remission lasted five months, about as long as the one he had two years ago did.

Read more at CaringBridge here.

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