I wish I knew how I changed. It may have been some sort of grace that I'm not good at talking about in public. It may have been having my life-partnership fall apart in a heartbreaking way, so that I felt like I didn't have much left to lose. It may have been Al-Anon, or the patient reminders and reinforcements of a couple of good counsellors.
I still worry about the little things. I don't beat myself up about it, but I sleep as much as I need to and ride my bike singing and have long baths and talk to my soulmate-friend on the phone and other dear people on the internet, and just let the anxiety be there. I remind myself that I have agency and choices. I read over my LJ to impress myself with all the hard stuff I've endured and all the amazing things that have happened to me.
I don't think it's fair to tell the happy parts of my story here. In short, it's a breakup, a layoff, and a move, but it's also joyful and adventurous. The theme song for the whole year was "You can't always get what you want", hence the title of this comment, and over and over again I kept getting the message that I couldn't control the little stuff but the big stuff would work out.
According to the philosopher Jagger
I still worry about the little things. I don't beat myself up about it, but I sleep as much as I need to and ride my bike singing and have long baths and talk to my soulmate-friend on the phone and other dear people on the internet, and just let the anxiety be there. I remind myself that I have agency and choices. I read over my LJ to impress myself with all the hard stuff I've endured and all the amazing things that have happened to me.
I don't think it's fair to tell the happy parts of my story here. In short, it's a breakup, a layoff, and a move, but it's also joyful and adventurous. The theme song for the whole year was "You can't always get what you want", hence the title of this comment, and over and over again I kept getting the message that I couldn't control the little stuff but the big stuff would work out.