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Black belt class
I don't feel like a black belt.
Really. I don't.
My knees are continuing to be problematic. I don't know if I've just reached a point of no return of creakiness/arthritis or what. But when we work on self-defense, a large part of what we do at this level is sweeps and other take downs. Which means that there's a lot getting down and up again from the floor in black belt class. And it's getting embarrassingly difficult for me to keep clambering up again. A couple of weeks ago, someone did a sweep on me, and when I tried to get up again, I felt something go wrong with the knee as I was getting up again. That put me out of class for a week.
Now, of course, the kick goals are higher than when I was screening for black belt. Instead of ten round kicks to the paper, it's fifteen kicks. I am not meeting that goal. I was excused from spin kicks at the screening due to my knee problems. Frankly, I've never learned to do them properly. We're doing them more and more in class, and I'm not quite sure whether I should attempt them and risk injury, or just grit my teeth and smile and stand in chumbi. I need to talk with my instructor to find out whether I'll be expected to do them for second degree, or whether I am permanently excused.
I haven't been back to sparring since the black belt exam. I feel like a coward, but I admit it: I continue to hate sparring.
Last night we started working on the open hand form Him Yung (Him Young)? The moves are quite different than anything I've ever done before, new blocks in particular. I'm definitely slower at stringing together/remembering the sequence of the moves, in comparison to the younger members of the class. It's embarrassing. I actually started to wonder last night whether this was a memory deficit due to age?
I feel old. And decrepit. Last night, when class was over, I felt like a total fraud.
There's no doubt, I suppose, that I have the requisite humility that a newly minted black belt is supposed to have, the realization that I've still got a lot to learn. I'm just wondering whether I have too much humility. Over the course of the last few classes, it's been difficult to feel like I'm good at anything.
Really. I don't.
My knees are continuing to be problematic. I don't know if I've just reached a point of no return of creakiness/arthritis or what. But when we work on self-defense, a large part of what we do at this level is sweeps and other take downs. Which means that there's a lot getting down and up again from the floor in black belt class. And it's getting embarrassingly difficult for me to keep clambering up again. A couple of weeks ago, someone did a sweep on me, and when I tried to get up again, I felt something go wrong with the knee as I was getting up again. That put me out of class for a week.
Now, of course, the kick goals are higher than when I was screening for black belt. Instead of ten round kicks to the paper, it's fifteen kicks. I am not meeting that goal. I was excused from spin kicks at the screening due to my knee problems. Frankly, I've never learned to do them properly. We're doing them more and more in class, and I'm not quite sure whether I should attempt them and risk injury, or just grit my teeth and smile and stand in chumbi. I need to talk with my instructor to find out whether I'll be expected to do them for second degree, or whether I am permanently excused.
I haven't been back to sparring since the black belt exam. I feel like a coward, but I admit it: I continue to hate sparring.
Last night we started working on the open hand form Him Yung (Him Young)? The moves are quite different than anything I've ever done before, new blocks in particular. I'm definitely slower at stringing together/remembering the sequence of the moves, in comparison to the younger members of the class. It's embarrassing. I actually started to wonder last night whether this was a memory deficit due to age?
I feel old. And decrepit. Last night, when class was over, I felt like a total fraud.
There's no doubt, I suppose, that I have the requisite humility that a newly minted black belt is supposed to have, the realization that I've still got a lot to learn. I'm just wondering whether I have too much humility. Over the course of the last few classes, it's been difficult to feel like I'm good at anything.