Thinking about teaching about sex

[pegkerr]

In a rather interesting juxtaposition, I read two fascinating posts today on the subject of sex. The first was cakmpls's musings here about the changing mores/generational shift re: the delicate art of negotiation between a man and a woman as to whether her 'no' really means 'no' in the heat of the moment.

The other was an essay at Salon's Broadsheet [broadsheet] about the increasing cultural obsession with the virginity status of A list teen celebrities.

It's been interesting, reading these posts and reflecting upon my role as a mother in teaching my girls about their own sexuality: about thoroughly understanding it (the mechanics and emotions both), enjoying it without fear, and respecting its power. I've tried to initiate conversations over the years, to seize teachable moments. Still, I worry. Fiona is fifteen now. I haven't really detected much evidence of crushes, either way, among her group of friends, but they're at the right age (and face it, she's so beautiful), and the tone of their banter amongst themselves is occasionally starting to edge into the more risqué, so it could come anytime, I know. I think that kids today face a lot of pressures---and some greater dangers--that I didn't really face when I was in own my teen years. I was sort of a late bloomer, too, which, looking back, I think helped me a lot.

I hope I'm doing it right. God knows I'm trying. But I guess that's one of the questions parents might never know.

(Oh, except: Mom and Dad? You did it really right for me.)

Comments

[aome.livejournal.com]

So, what IS the "really right" way to do it? The only thing we've really had to deal with so far is little hands exploring their private parts or, in fidgety-boredom, just wandering into their drawers. We've told them they are welcome to check themselves out as much as they like, but it's a private thing, just for their eyes, not an out-in-public thing. We don't want them to feel ashamed of it, only to respect the personal-ness. Not sure if we're doing that right or not - and I know it's just the tip of the sexuality iceberg.

On the other hand, we know they won't likely blink an eye at same-sex issues, given that their godfathers are gay. :D

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

I think you really have to seize the teachable moments. Kids also pick up a lot about parental attitudes indirectly--by the way they interact with each other, the side comments they make, the jokes that they tell.

I've talked with the girls extensively over the years, trying to be as blase about the whole thing as I can, trying to show I'm comfortable talking about it. Heck, Fiona read The Wild Swans and knows I wrote it. When Fiona had her menarche, I got her a couple of books with sex positive and very complete information, telling her, "I'm not saying you need this information now, but it's important for you to have these, sort of an owner's manual for your own body."