pegkerr: (Dark have been my dreams of late)
pegkerr ([personal profile] pegkerr) wrote2018-09-19 10:34 pm
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Just before my alarm went off: I dreamed I was standing in the middle of the street, looking down the block. It was dusk, and I saw people in costumes going door-to-door, trick-or-treating.

The sight made a terrible pain well up inside of me. I said aloud, “I’m so lonely. This is hurting me and my girls so much.”

It was on Halloween last year that the doctor broke the news that what we’d seen on the PET scan was not Rob’s lymphoma coming out of remission. It was a totally new cancer, leukemia, caused by the first chemo he’d undergone four years previously, and Rob now had perhaps two months to live. (He almost made it to three.) And then the doctor kindly left the room to give us some privacy so we could cry in each other’s arms.

The dream plunged me deep into my grief all day, and it made me realize how much I’m dreading Halloween. I’ve already planned to take the death anniversary off work, in January. I think I need to make some cope ahead plans for Halloween, too.
kiwiria: (Default)

[personal profile] kiwiria 2018-09-20 11:17 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry :-(
pameladean: (Default)

[personal profile] pameladean 2018-09-21 01:55 am (UTC)(link)
Ow. As if October weren't haunted enough already.