This is such a typical picture of Rob: He's sitting at our dining room table reading something, with a daughter on his lap.




Specifically, it's Father's Day ten years ago: June 15, 2008. So it's a Father's Day card he's reading, and he's proudly wearing a shirt that the girls colored for him with fabric markers. The shirt reads "Dads Make the World Go Round."

Of course, he kept the shirt. He wore it often. Of course, I still have it, frayed around the collar.



Today is Father's Day, ten years later.

I think of the shirts you see sometimes for sale at resorts: "My Dad [or my parents] went to ______ and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."

My children's father is gone. Not to Vegas, not to Harry Potter's World at Universal Studios, not to New York City.

He's just gone.

And all I have (apologies to the girls, who so lovingly colored it) is this lousy t-shirt.

Snapchat just received. At first I couldn't figure out WHAT was on her head. And then I realized: it's probably the only candle in her apartment. Love and lussekatter to you all.



Edited to add: This was my reply:

Week 24: Hamilton
I have been listening to it NON-STOP!



I bought the entire soundtrack for $2.00 (LEGALLY) when it was on sale for that price on Google Music. The show has its hooks in me (as it does in so many other people I know). Fiona's a fan, too, and we love to exchange tidbits of knowledge we've gained about the show, the production, the actors. She is going to GO SEE IT in June and I am so very jealous.

Week 25: Hope
I'm seeing a glimmer of light on my journey.



This image depicts a woman on a journey (remember Week 3, Embark, the last card on this post?) who sees a lighthouse shining from shore and starts to feel a little bit of hope. This was the week I learned I had been given a grant by the Dislocated Workers Program from the State of Minnesota. I am going to be receiving training in a lot of the concepts and programs I need to have to change careers from legal administrative assistant to marketing.


Week 26: Dance
This was the week of Excellent Cancer News.



I picked this picture from The Tutu Project, one of the amazing photographs taken by Bob Carey in support of his wife Linda Carey, who has been battling breast cancer. Yeah, okay, we're not battling breast cancer here, but it's about the spouse of someone with cancer. It's trying to bring humor and happiness to something that's often very grim. It just seemed to fit this time.

Week 27: Training
I begin to learn new things.



Hubspot Academy Inbound Marketing. Landing pages. Adobe InDesign. A/B testing. Etc. Let's hope it will result in a new career direction.

Week 28: Caucus
I took Fiona, and we both did our civic duty.



Fiona and I were both agonizing as we walked through the door until I hit upon a simple solution: "I'll vote for Hillary. You vote for Bernie. We'd be happy to vote for either one in the general election." And that's what we did.

Week 29: Flu
Everthing is a painful, feverish blur.



The flu hit both Rob and me HARD. Think gray mindlessness, with fever and aches lurking below.  I started on Wednesday of that week. After a week and a half, I ended up at the hospital, getting intravenous fluids. The flu shot didn't do a damn thing for me.

Week 30:

Nothing will get accomplished today.



Yes, this is still a one word title. Well, a word combined with a graphic.

This card was created because I became impatient after four days of the flu. Surely I should be getting better by now? I kept fretfully listing off things to Rob that I should be doing. He lay in bed beside me, sick as I was, and replied "Not today." And when I tried to stagger out of bed and take three steps, I would fall back into bed and repeat after him, "Not today." The whole week was like that.

I have many reasons to be grateful. One is that these two beautiful girls are home from college for the weekend.

Happy Thanksgiving from our household to yours.

One thing I want to be really intentional about as I go through this new period of self-examination is self-care.

Going to the Renaissance Faire is self-care. Really. Fiona and I have adored going for years.

We took along one of Fiona's roommates, Becca. I didn't pull out my camera very much because I was enjoying myself so hugely, but here are the pictures I took.

The first thing I did when we arrived was to head straight for Felix Needleworthy's shop to buy a new bodice. I had donned my old one, but oh my goodness, I have gained enough weight since I purchased it that I could barely breathe. I felt SO much better with the new one on.

Still, it was a very hot and humid day. I hovered on the edge of heat stroke on a couple of occasions and had to really push water. I bought a Battenburg lace parasol, too, which is a lovely confection which turned out to be very useful, and which I will enjoy owning.

I have been looking for a hat to wear with my costume for several years. There is a new shop called Blond Swan with absolutely ravishing hats, and I tried one on that was (for the first time) absolutely lovely, and oh, I wanted it. The price tag was ghastly, however, and after buying the bodice (and with Fiona's wise advice) I decided to forgo it. I found the cap I wear in the picture for a MUCH more reasonable price, $20. I wanted a feather to trim it with, however. Fiona found the blue and white feathers she used to trim her beloved pirate hat at the Blond Swan. I went back there and considered a pin with a frivolous bunch of feathers, but again, the price was higher than I'd liked, and the size a little big in proportion for the cap. Later, I found a perfect feather with a pin at another booth for a mere $5, so I could feel smug about saving money--rather ridiculous, I suppose, after buying the bodice and the parasol!








These three pictures are a little repetitive, but I don't care; I include them all because I adore Fiona's gamine looks in all of them.







Here was a lovely moment when Becca and Fiona stopped to admire a booth selling hand-drawn maps of various fantasy worlds.



Oh, it was fun. Fiona and Becca were lovely about spending the day with me, despite the fact that I was drooping quite a bit at the end of the day from the heat and had to take Fiona's arm as we walked around.

I came home tired, sunburnt, and extremely happy. Also newly determined to lose weight. The new bodice is beautiful, but dammit, I should be fitting into the old one. I went on a 3.75 mile walk today, and intend to do something to exercise every day.

Fiona was over last night to make the Lussekatter! We also put up our new (artificial) Christmas tree, which looks lovely.



Lussekatter and cocoa for breakfast. Mmm....

I purchased a futon today to go into my former office/Fiona's former bedroom/hopefully my office again someday as well as a guest bedroom.

As you can see, it has the Fiona Seal of Approval. It's on the smallish side, which makes it perfect for this space, and it just feels cozy to me. The back isn't too tall so it won't cover up the built in bookcase on the wall where I am going to place it.



Not in that fabric, though. There weren't many choices for this model, but here was one that did make me think, glancingly, of trees, so this is the fabric I picked.



It will be ready to be picked up in about 10 days. So I will have guest sleeping quarters for out of town caregivers. Or at least one out of town caregiver at a time. Phew.

It was bloody hot, and I was exhausted by the time we got home, but it was still a wonderful time, as always.

Here are a couple of pics of the way we looked when we started the day. I had a new chemise by the time we got home, as my old one was about fifteen years old and the elastic was completely out of shape. In the selfie, you get an idea of Fiona's new haircut.

She slept in her new apartment last night and is back over here today, packing up a few more things. We have broken down the bed, because she is taking it with her.

(She has the cutest new haircut, a pixie hair cut which suits her gamine features beautifully. I asked to be allowed to post a picture, but she said, "Later, when I am not hot and sweaty and gross.")

She said that she and her roommates are well-stocked on kitchen things: "We have a popcorn popper. We have pots and pans. We have a slow cooker. We have a rice cooker. We have a waffle maker. We are real goddamn adults."

She has been going through her books, trying to decide what to take and what to cull. She took all her dearly beloved fantasy and fairytale books. I told her that we would be willing to store any she wants to keep that she doesn't want now but thinks she would want her own kids to read some day. I have given her my most treasured fairy tale book to take with her, Lona on the condition that she never ever sell it, that she keep it for her own child, or someone worthy, and that she hand it down to someone else only on the condition that they never sell it, but hand it to someone worthy. "Hand to God, I promise," she said. She knows how important it is. "And you also have visitation rights anytime you want to read it again."

This is really happening. My daughter is moving out.

A post surgical Rob tutors Fiona in math for her Sequences and Series math test today. She was quite worried about it.