A mother is a sentimentalist
Sep. 1st, 2011 09:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrWe're gradually checking off the tasks still needing to be done before Fiona moves into the dorm on Saturday. Last night, Rob got the new mouse working on her new laptop, and then I walked her through the process of reconciling her bank statements on the newly installed Quicken software. "Keep up with it diligently, every month," I warned her. "As long as you are making your entries on Quicken and using Mint, you'll be keeping good tabs on your money. And you're not going to have much of it, so heaven knows you need to be keeping a close watch."
We've really been sweating since she hadn't heard anything back on any of the jobs for which she's applied (work study) and she NEEDS a job because she doesn't have any other way to pay for books and expenses. But she finally got word back from one, the public safety (escort) office, and she has an interview today. Keep your fingers crossed for her.
After we were done with the Quicken, I gave her her nightly backrub, painfully aware that this would be one of the last times for this little ritual, which has become increasingly precious to me over the past year. "I'm really going to miss this," I told her. She smiled sleepily.
"I'm going to miss you so much. I'm going to miss your mad eyebrow arching skillz. I'm going to miss your wry sense of humor." I kneaded the strong muscles in her back, feeling the tension release, and I moved lower to work on her thighs and calves. "I'm going to miss the way you always forget and clunk your head on the back of your chair at the dinner table." She laughed. "I'm going to miss having someone else in the house who listens to wizard rock. I'm going to miss seeing you sitting around curled up in a chair, with your nose in a book. I'm going to miss the way you throw Buffy quotations into every conversation. I'm going to miss sitting with my arm around you during church. I'm going to miss the way you look just pole-axed in the morning because your brain isn't booted up quite yet. I'm going to miss taking you to karate. I'm going to miss writing up little stories about you on Livejournal. I'm going to miss your kindness to your little sister." I thought for a moment and tweaked her ear. "I'm not going to miss yelling at you for not taking out the garbage."
She smiled again.
"Or the way you keep putting the water pitcher back into the refrigerator empty." I felt a wave of sentiment wash over me. "I think back on that first long talk I had with you in the hospital, the day after you were born. I wish I had a tape recording of it, so I could listen to it again. And so you could listen to it with me." That memory is unbelievably special to me, that afternoon when I looked down into her ageless, elfin eyes and told her that I would do the best possible job I could being her mommy, but I would undoubtedly screw up sometimes, and I hoped she would forgive me. I remember the conversation we had at her tenth birthday party, when that memory came up again.
I smiled down at her and smoothed the soft skin on her back. She recognized our unspoken signal that the back rub was over and then turned on her side to snuggle close to me and nuzzle me with her nose. That cuddle and nuzzle, I've always joked, is my reward for doing the backrub. "I feel a lot better about you being ready to leave than I did at the beginning of the summer."
She nodded. "That book you got me really helped. I found it useful, and I'm not even the target audience."
"I also think of that Livejournal post I did a few years ago," I replied, "where I asked people for advice about what we would need to teach you before you left home. We've managed to check a lot of those things off of the list, haven't we?"
"Yeah. But don't forget, you still will have some chances left to try to civilize me," she joked.
I looked down into her beloved face, with those same elfin eyes, and I brimmed over with pride and love. "We gave you a good childhood, didn't we, honey?"
She smiled her beautiful smile at me. "Yeah. You did."
I reached over and hugged her. "I love you so much," I mumbled into her shoulder. "I'm so incredibly proud of you.
You're going to be just fine."
We've really been sweating since she hadn't heard anything back on any of the jobs for which she's applied (work study) and she NEEDS a job because she doesn't have any other way to pay for books and expenses. But she finally got word back from one, the public safety (escort) office, and she has an interview today. Keep your fingers crossed for her.
After we were done with the Quicken, I gave her her nightly backrub, painfully aware that this would be one of the last times for this little ritual, which has become increasingly precious to me over the past year. "I'm really going to miss this," I told her. She smiled sleepily.
"I'm going to miss you so much. I'm going to miss your mad eyebrow arching skillz. I'm going to miss your wry sense of humor." I kneaded the strong muscles in her back, feeling the tension release, and I moved lower to work on her thighs and calves. "I'm going to miss the way you always forget and clunk your head on the back of your chair at the dinner table." She laughed. "I'm going to miss having someone else in the house who listens to wizard rock. I'm going to miss seeing you sitting around curled up in a chair, with your nose in a book. I'm going to miss the way you throw Buffy quotations into every conversation. I'm going to miss sitting with my arm around you during church. I'm going to miss the way you look just pole-axed in the morning because your brain isn't booted up quite yet. I'm going to miss taking you to karate. I'm going to miss writing up little stories about you on Livejournal. I'm going to miss your kindness to your little sister." I thought for a moment and tweaked her ear. "I'm not going to miss yelling at you for not taking out the garbage."
She smiled again.
"Or the way you keep putting the water pitcher back into the refrigerator empty." I felt a wave of sentiment wash over me. "I think back on that first long talk I had with you in the hospital, the day after you were born. I wish I had a tape recording of it, so I could listen to it again. And so you could listen to it with me." That memory is unbelievably special to me, that afternoon when I looked down into her ageless, elfin eyes and told her that I would do the best possible job I could being her mommy, but I would undoubtedly screw up sometimes, and I hoped she would forgive me. I remember the conversation we had at her tenth birthday party, when that memory came up again.
I smiled down at her and smoothed the soft skin on her back. She recognized our unspoken signal that the back rub was over and then turned on her side to snuggle close to me and nuzzle me with her nose. That cuddle and nuzzle, I've always joked, is my reward for doing the backrub. "I feel a lot better about you being ready to leave than I did at the beginning of the summer."
She nodded. "That book you got me really helped. I found it useful, and I'm not even the target audience."
"I also think of that Livejournal post I did a few years ago," I replied, "where I asked people for advice about what we would need to teach you before you left home. We've managed to check a lot of those things off of the list, haven't we?"
"Yeah. But don't forget, you still will have some chances left to try to civilize me," she joked.
I looked down into her beloved face, with those same elfin eyes, and I brimmed over with pride and love. "We gave you a good childhood, didn't we, honey?"
She smiled her beautiful smile at me. "Yeah. You did."
I reached over and hugged her. "I love you so much," I mumbled into her shoulder. "I'm so incredibly proud of you.
You're going to be just fine."