Peg Kerr's Journal

At the beginning of this week, instead of going back to work after my one-week stay-cation, I ended up taking two additional days off to go to the visitation for my cousin's wife in Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin.

My two sisters and my Mom were unable to attend, which, if anything, increased my desire to go myself to represent the family and pass along their condolences. I was also keenly aware that my cousin is now a widower, and since I know what that is like, I particularly wanted to show up to support him.

I carpooled with another cousin who lives here in Minneapolis, Jill, and her partner Jack. We traveled very comfortably together, and we all agreed that we were happy that we had gone, seeing our cousin and his family and other relatives who came from Milwaukee and Chicago.

But that is not what this week's collage is about.

On the way home, Jack and Jill suggested making a stop at the National Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin.

Now it has never occurred to me that there might be a National Mustard Museum, nor that I would be pleased to have experienced it. But I have been thinking about it ever since.

The museum was founded by an attorney (and former Assistant Attorney General of the State of Wisconsin) Barry Levenson, who refers to himself as the museum's founder, curator, and CMO (“chief mustard officer”). According to the story, he went to the grocery store one day, bummed that his favorite baseball team the Red Sox had lost (again) in the World Series in 1986, and his attention got drawn to the variety of mustards on the shelf. He got fascinated and started collecting different varieties. And it snowballed from there until he switched his career to found the museum.

The Museum displays more than 6,090 mustards from all 50 states and more than 70 countries. You can see a wide variety of mustard pots, taste different varieties at the tasting bar, and buy different gourmet varieties to take home. Here is their mission statement:

.

In keeping with one of their mission goals, having fun, there are touches of humor throughout the museum, like the bust of Michelangelo's David with a yellow mustard mustache with a sign underneath that says 'Got Mustard?'

Or the vending machine which dispenses...nothing but mustard.



I tried about ten or fifteen different varieties at the tasting bar, and it was a revelation. Who knew there could be so many flavors, so many different textures? My favorite, naturally, was the most expensive one, mustard flavored with truffles, which cost $25.00 a jar. I ended up taking home two different sweet varieties: chardonnay cranberry and honey dill. And I wanted to buy plenty more.

Every year, Middleton hosts a National Mustard Day festival which draws tens of thousands of people.

The whole experience made me think about passion projects, about building one's career around an incredibly small, mundane thing that somehow captures your interest (having one's life revolve around mustard? Who knew??) and succeeding to such an incredible extent that you start getting other people interested in it, too. Imagine getting so excited about mustard that ten or fifteen years later you're drawing thousands of people to your city so that they can taste mustard ice cream and crème brûlée.

My hat's off to you, Barry. Congratulations on finding your passion in something small and ordinary, running with it, and turning it into something extraordinary.

If you ever have the chance, definitely stop to check this place out. It's well worth the visit.

Image description: Lower right: an open-mouthed man with yellow mustard coating his cupped hands (Barry Levenson, founder, curator, and CMO (“chief mustard officer”) of the National Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin) Lower left: the marble head of Michelangelo's statue "David" with a yellow mustard coated upper lip. A sign below the bust reads "Got mustard?" Lower center - a smiling man in a yellow t-shirt and a purple apron extends a tasting spoon below a sign that reads "Ultimate Mustard Tasting Bar." Right, center and upper: dozens of varieties of mustard jars on a shelf. The logo sign for the National Mustard Sign (a yellow jar with a spoon inside) is overlaid over the shelves. Upper center: a gift basket with an assortment of gourmet mustards. Upper left: a display case with china mustard pots for the formal table.

Mustard



Click here to see the 2023 52 Card Project gallery.

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The lingering warmth of summer and early fall is gone. I've finished the yard chores and put the garden hose away till spring. The snow shovel is now on the back stoop, and I've already used it a time or two this week. I've been making pots of my favorite lentil soup and freezing the leftovers so that whenever I like, I can pull together a hot, delicious dinner when twilight falls--three minutes in the microwave is all it takes. I get into my cozy pajamas at 5 pm, light candles in my living room, turn on some music, wrap myself up in one of my shawls and settle down with tea and a good book.

(Really, do try the soup recipe linked above. It's easy and delicious.)

A woman’s hand holds a ladle of lentil soup above a soup pot, preparing to pour it into a bowl. Lower right corner: a pair of red women’s pajamas with white polka dots. Lower left corner: blue fuzzy women’s gloves with a lit candle in a taper superimposed over them. Upper center, behind soup pot: a black and gray shawl wrap.

Winterize



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About a month ago, I contacted my doctor to say that I've been feeling awful, and can anything be done? I have been SO exhausted. I walk with some friends around a local lake several times a week, and my stamina has been flagging badly. I used to be the pacesetter. Then I started getting exhausted halfway around the lake. Now I want to quit when I'm a third of the way around the lake. Is this still post-concussion stuff? My plant-based diet? What? I feel as though I have been living in a fog, struggling to stay awake in the evening and yet sleeping badly at night.

So, I met with my doctor, underwent a series of blood tests, and went back for a consult with my sleep doctor, too. Conclusion: yes, the sleep problems probably ARE related to the concussion--that is, concussions can cause sleep issues, and even when symptoms recede, the fact that the sleep pattern has been disordered means that sleep can continue to be screwed up even months later.

The blood tests revealed that I have a Vitamin D deficiency (very common for people in Minnesota--we have less sunlight than other parts of the country) and I'm low on Vitamin B12 (common for vegans).

So, I am back to Sleep Boot Camp (NO naps, later bedtime) and I've started Vitamin D and Vitamin B12 supplements. I hope that I will start feeling better soon. I really want my life back.

Image description: Foreground right: Peg stands hunched over, looking exhausted. A windup key emerges from her back. Behind the windup key a hand holds a Vitamin D pill up against the sun. Lower left: pink pills spell out "B12" Center left: Vitamin D.

Deficiency



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I have been having a bad enough time managing after my injury that I asked a small circle of friends for help with meals.

They came through.

Definitely not a particularly brilliant or interesting design, but I haven't the brain for anything better.

Edited to add: Interesting. I read this article and apparently, my request for help exactly fit the fourth Buddist mantra described:

When you are suffering like this, you must go to the person you love and ask for his or her help. That is true love. Do not let pride keep you apart. You must overcome your pride. You must always go to him or her. That is what this mantra is for. Practice for yourself first, to bring about oneness of your body and mind before going to the other person to say the fourth mantra: “Dear one, I am suffering; please help.” This is very simple but very hard to do.

And I spoke exactly of that, in my text to my friends, that my pride made this extremely difficult, but I needed to do it.

Meals



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This card grew out of several different threads of thought this week.

One: I'm continuing to do yoga every day and have been thinking about the instructor's continual reminders that of course, you should do your best, but at the same time be satisfied with where you are/what your body can do at this particular moment (which can vary from day to day).

It reminds me of the thinking I've done over the years about the Holy Tree described in Yeat's poem The Two Trees: There is a beautiful and blessed Tree in each of us, a manifestation of the divine within, if you will, and the temptation is to see it as a barren and twisted tree--but this is a lie, suggested by the "glass" (i.e., mirror) "the demons hold." I've written about this before (in fact, this blog is named after this poem): You have to have faith that the Holy Tree is within, but it is hard to see/recognize it in oneself (I have come to recognize the "glass [the demons hold]" as depression--distorted, overly critical thinking about oneself).

Two: I'm continuing to do various actions to improve things: I've started doing hamstring stretches each morning before getting out of bed. Continuing to diligently practice Sleep Boot Camp to try to address my insomnia. Trying to eat Whole Food Plant-Based. Working to stay within my budget. Fixing up my house (a new bathroom faucet went in this week). Taking walks. Using my lightbox.

Possibly because I've been practicing yoga, I'm been paying more attention to what's going on within me--mindfulness. I can hear the inner sotto voce voice running continually in commentary inside my mind. It can be helpful, as it is an extension of my superego trying to help me live my very best life: Add some more vegetables to that stir fry! Don't forget to do your hamstring stretches! Maybe it would be a good idea to read this book right now--learn something new! But that voice can easily tip over into angry critical noise, as the light fades in the autumn and especially whenever I'm tired or bothered with grief: You didn't balance your budget like you told yourself you would do. When are you going to buckle down and do it? Careless! Lazy! Ugh, are you really eating that? Quit wasting your time reading fanfiction! You should be writing! Why haven't you picked up your hand weights? When are you going to wash the kitchen floor? What a slob you are!

Three: I re-took the IDI assessment (Intercultural Development Inventory) which I last took in 2017. It measures where you are on a continuum of intercultural competency.



I was disappointed in my score again, as I was back then. I had progressed further along the continuum, however. In addition, the assessment evaluates where you think you are versus where you actually are--and the disparity had lessened somewhat, which indicates I'm perceiving myself and my inner work to become less racist more realistically.

So: all week I've been thinking about all the things about myself (and things around myself over which I have control, i.e., the house, the budget, etc.) where I am trying to improve things. It took me quite a while to hit upon the one word that summed up this week's theme. "Self-improvement" was my first thought, but that wasn't quite right. The term 'self-improvement,' as one of my friends in today's coffee group remarked, has been rather ruined by the self-improvement industry. It can smack of a somewhat smug self-absorption, of a tendency toward perfectionism. And what I was trying to pin down is not just about me, but about things around me (like the house, for example).

After messing around with a thesaurus for while, I finally hit upon the word "betterment."

I do not think perfectionism is at all helpful. From my own experience, I know that trying to become perfect is a hopeless business and a setup for depression and anxiety. No, I do not want to be perfect.

But I want to be better. Maybe my hamstrings will be a little more flexible today. Maybe I will manage to squirrel away a bit more money. Maybe I will eat more vegetables than I did yesterday. Perhaps I will be more patient, kinder, less insufferable, a better parent and friend.

It is a sort of mental trick I am trying to master, holding two possibly mutually exclusive precepts in the mind simultaneously: I want to be better, and yet, I don't want to live a life where I am continually unhappy with where I am. I try to remember that the Holy Tree is always within, whether I see it or not. That's what the guidance from the yoga instructor I have been watching on YouTube is all about: strive for improvement, yes, but accept and honor where you are at each particular moment. "You already have within you," the instructor tells her students, "everything that you need."

The background of this card is the pattern of my yoga mat, which I picked because it reminds me of the Holy Tree. Over that I laid what at my office we call the Wellness Wheel: we talk about how our lives are made up of all these different aspects (financial, work, spiritual, mental, creative, etc.) and they are all part of the whole.

As I was mulling over this theme for the week, the line from Hamilton soundtrack jumped out at me in my memory: "I've never been satisfied." So I put in the logo from Hamilton, with his outstretched, reaching hand (always reaching, always striving) pointing to the center of the Wellness Wheel ("Your Life"). Over the star of the Hamilton logo, I pulled the world icon from the IDI logo. That world icon echoes the Wellness Wheel in shape.

I could have stuck more elements into it, reflecting all of the aspects in myself I'm trying to improve, but instead, I decided to go for more simplicity. I ended up rather pleased with this one, aesthetically.

Betterment



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I am on one of my periodic pendulum swings where I am trying to get healthier.

I've been unhappy with the status quo for a while. A decade ago, I'd just gotten my black belt, and I was in pretty good shape. But my knees gave out and I had to stop karate. I let the exercise lapse. Then Rob got sick. When he died, I'd spent too much time hanging around hospital rooms and eating for comfort.

Last year, I decided to go whole foods plant-based to try to bring my cholesterol down. I'm not managing it 100%, but I'm eating a heck of a lot more fruits, vegetables, and beans, as well as a lot less fat.

Recently, I've been increasingly fed up with the way I look and the way I feel. I feel old, bloated, inflexible, and...urgh. So, as I have in the past, I am renewing my commitment to following a healthy diet and starting to exercise again, using online videos.

I try to be mindful of thinking beyond "I want to be skinny." I have members of my family who have struggled with eating disorders, and I try really hard not to fall into that trap. I don't want to be fat-phobic. But I want to feel better and to live longer while fighting problems like inflammation, fraility, and cognitive decline, which means a better diet and more exercise. And so I'm starting to do the work.

I've had some victories, at least, in coming to appreciate some healthier options. I've successfully broken the ice cream addiction by having a small dish of frozen bananas each night, topped with a couple tablespoons of coconut coffee creamer, a sprinkle of cocoa and a sprinkle of instant coffee. I've discovered that I like a plate of steamed swiss chard for breakfast, followed with a chaser of the soy yogurt I make in my Instant Pot.

I'm not seeing many changes yet. Some. I'm hoping for more.

My mom is 93 years old and swims every day. She's my inspiration.

Healthy



Click here to read about the 52 card project and see the year's gallery.

Let’s Stop Idealizing the Home-Cooked Family Dinner. This paragraph REALLY jumped out at me:

Beyond just the time and money constraints, women find that their very own families present a major obstacle to their desire to provide diverse, home-cooked meals. The women interviewed faced not just children but grown adults who are whiny, picky, and ungrateful for their efforts. “We rarely observed a meal in which at least one family member didn’t complain about the food they were served,” the researchers write. Mothers who could afford to do so often wanted to try new recipes and diverse ingredients, but they knew that it would cause their families to reject the meals. “Instead, they continued to make what was tried and true, even if they didn’t like the food themselves.” The saddest part is that picky husbands and boyfriends were just as much, if not more, of a problem than fussy children.

Exactly. That has been EXACTLY my experience.

That's why have I have dozens and dozens of blog posts tagged Cooking for Ingrates.

We started with some Pomegranate Punch. (The leftover champagne will be finished up with the mimosas tomorrow morning).





Here was the finished plum pudding. I took pains with the presentation (and yes, I DID go out and fight the crowds to go to the grocery store just to buy a sprig of holly to put on the top).



We may have not let it sit a day, but naomikritzer's notthatedburke's recipe for hard sauce still turned out wonderfully.

I attempted to light it with brandy, but I didn't use a high enough proof alcohol. We DID achieve a flame, but not long enough for me to capture it with the camera. We all agreed that we witnessed it, however!



Verdict: I liked it and did not miss the sugar I forgot to add into the recipe. With the hard sauce and dried fruit, it was more than sweet enough for my taste. Rob and Fiona allowed as they were glad to have tried it and wouldn't mind it making an occasional appearance in the holiday rotation.

Delia tried it, too, but with her sensitivity to texture, she found it rather confounding. I was pleased that she tried it at least. Even if she didn't enjoy eating it, we sure had fun making it, and that's what I'll always remember about it. And at least it's something we can all say we've tried.

I'm posting these two recipes here, so that I have a link to refer people to who are signing up to make them for us right before rounds of chemo.

Ginger Syrup

(makes about 2 cups of syrup)

Ginger is one of your best friends during chemo, both for its flavor, which can spark even the most jaded taste buds, and for its tummy-soothing properties. A lot of people think that store-bought ginger ale will do the trick, but the actual ginger content in most commercial varieties is minimal. Plus you often get a whole host of other garbage (can you say high-fructose corn syrup?) that you'd be better off without. Enter this recipe, which uses straight-up ginger syrup so you can control the amount of zing in your tonic.

4 cups water
2 cups sliced unpeeled fresh ginger (organic if possible)
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 tablespoons of honey
Frozen seedless grapes
Sparkling water
mint springs, for garnish

Directions

Bring the water and ginger to a boi in a saucepan, then lower the heat, cover, and simmer for one hour. Uncover and continue to simmer for 30 minutes.

Strain the infusion through cheesecloth and discard the ginger. Stir in the lemon juice and honey and let cool to room temperature.

For each serving, add 1/4 cup of the ginger syrup to a glass with frozen grapes, then fill the glass with sparkling water and garnish with a sprig of mint.

PREP TIME: 5 minutes - COOK TIME: 1 hour 30 minutes
STORAGE: Store the ginger syrup in an airtight container in the refrigerator for 7 days. Store the grapes in in a resealable plastic bag in the freezer for 3 months.
PER SERVING: Calories: 50; Total fat: 0.2 g (0.1 g saturated, 0 g monounsaturated); Carbohydrates: 12 g; Protein: 0 g; Fiber: 1 g; Sodium: 5 mg

NOTES: you can use this ginger syrup to make a hot beverage. Just stir 3 tablespoons of syrup into 1 cup of hot water, then add more lemon and honey if you like.

PEG'S NOTES: If you're bringing this for us, no need to worry about the grapes or the mint. But a 6-pack of sparkling water would be nice. (Something like La Croix).

* * *

Commonweal's Most Nourishing and Healing Tea

(Makes 8 cups)

This tea was developed ages ago by the fantastic folk of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program, a renowned retreat for patients and caregivers, and they've been very kind in allowing me to share their recipe with you. When I am cooking at commonweal, I often make about six quarts a day so I'll have some on hand for anyone who comes through the door, and still, it's never enough. The blend of ginger, cloves, cinnamon, and cardamom is like a backrub in a cup. It turns me into absolute mush, it's so good.

1/3 cup sliced peeled fresh ginger, cut 1/4 inch thick
10 cups water
3 tablespoon coriander seeds
1 1/3 tablespoons cardamom pods
4 cinnamon sticks
5 whole cloves
1 1/2 cups rice milk or almond milk
1 to 3 tablespoons maple syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Combine the ginger and water in a saucepan, and bring to a boil. Lower the heat, cover, and simmer for 30 minutes.

Add the coriander, cardamom, cinnamon and cloves and continue to simmer for an additional 20 minutes.

Strain the tea through a fine-mesh sieve into a clean saucepan. (I recommend that you save the spices; see Notes). Add the rice milk and maple syrup and gently reheat without boiling for 2 to 3 minutes, until warm. Stir in the vanilla, then taste. Add more milk or sweetener if you like. [Peg's notes, see below: if you're making this for us, DON'T add the rice milk, vanilla or maple syrup, just bring them with you] Serve hot or cold.

PREP TIME: 5 minutes COOK TIME: 55 minutes
STORAGE: Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for 1 week.
PER SERVING: Calories 40; Total Fat: 0.9 g (0 g saturated, 0.6 g monounsaturated); Carbohydrates: 8 g; Protein: 0 g; Fiber: 1 g; Sodium: 15 mg g

NOTES: The tea will keep in the refrigerator up to 2 weeks without the milk and sweetener, so you may want to set some aside prior to adding the milk and sweetener.

Recycle the spices that are strained out of the tea and use them to make another, smaller batch of tea. They'll keep in the refrigerator for 4 to 5 days. To make more tea, combine the spices and 6 fresh cups of water and bring to a boil. Add 2 tablespoons of fresh peeled ginger slices. Simmer for 30 minutes, then strain the tea and discard the spices. Add sweetener and milk to taste and reheat without boiling for 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla before serving.

PEG'S NOTES: As noted above, the tea will keep longer if the rice milk, sweetener and vanilla are not stirred in. We all like these in different concentrations anyway. So if you're making this for us, bring the milk separately and don't stir these ingredients in. Bring the bag of spices, too, and I'll use them to brew a second batch. Thanks.

Both recipes are from The Cancer-Fighting Kitchen by Rebecca Katz, a book which I highly recommend.

I spent the weekend doing a bunch of batch cooking. I now have ziplock bags filled with tomato sauce, shredded roasted chicken, cooked rice, roasted peppers, and cooked butternut squash, all stuffed into the freezer. I still have a couple of pork shoulders to be roasted and shredded into pulled pork. I also cleaned up around my bedroom and got a lot of the tax paperwork off the floor.

I feel smugly productive.

My to-do app, Carrot, is very pleased with me and has rewarded me by giving me a virtual kitten. It suggested I name the kitten Captain Whiskers.