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A comment from Delia today
Dec. 12th, 2012 06:52 pmDelia bounced into the bathroom tonight, surveyed her outfit in the mirror, and popped her head out into the hallway and said in a tone of pleased surprise: "Mom! I'm smoking hot!"
On the way to church this morning
Mar. 6th, 2011 10:20 pmMe: (driving) Man, these potholes are everywhere. They're impossible to avoid.
Fiona: (brightly) It's like Mario Kart at the Mega Intense Level!
Fiona: (brightly) It's like Mario Kart at the Mega Intense Level!
Best. Hashtag. EVAH.
Feb. 8th, 2011 11:48 amIn case you missed it: some of the best #JaneAustenAtTheSuperbowl came from @rosannecash here. A sampling:
*Regarding the Legume Chorale, it grieves me to note that the spectacle exceeds the musicality.
*Some ladies are determined to sport bonnets made of cheese. I must take to my bed.
*The manly vigor is indeed impressive, but I don’t have the pleasure of understanding the purpose.
*One hopes the unfortunate incident involving the lady’s corset is not repeated on this occasion.
*The gentleman in the stripes? A known blackguard! I send no compliments to his mother.
*There is a uniformity of ill-favor in the appearance of the spectators. Who are their families? Tradesmen, surely.
*Word arrives that there will be a longish pause midway through the event. One hopes to be excessively diverted.
*Such lust for possession of an inanimate object so entirely lacking in aesthetic merit does not bode well.
*Are they to be murdered on the field?! Such an ill-advised display of manhood is indeed alarming.
*The proscribed repast is an abomination! Could we not conceive of a tea more pleasing and refined?
*Regarding the Legume Chorale, it grieves me to note that the spectacle exceeds the musicality.
*Some ladies are determined to sport bonnets made of cheese. I must take to my bed.
*The manly vigor is indeed impressive, but I don’t have the pleasure of understanding the purpose.
*One hopes the unfortunate incident involving the lady’s corset is not repeated on this occasion.
*The gentleman in the stripes? A known blackguard! I send no compliments to his mother.
*There is a uniformity of ill-favor in the appearance of the spectators. Who are their families? Tradesmen, surely.
*Word arrives that there will be a longish pause midway through the event. One hopes to be excessively diverted.
*Such lust for possession of an inanimate object so entirely lacking in aesthetic merit does not bode well.
*Are they to be murdered on the field?! Such an ill-advised display of manhood is indeed alarming.
*The proscribed repast is an abomination! Could we not conceive of a tea more pleasing and refined?
All the Scholar Ladies
Feb. 18th, 2010 08:57 am![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
knitmeapony pointed out this charming video. It was posted at someone else's blog, who said about it:I came across this great video made by a few students from the Hope Christian School in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I love seeing black girls expressing themselves in a positive way, and I’m glad to see it wasn’t another group of kids imitating the video movie by Sasha Fierce.If you learned it, you should have got an 'A' on it...
And I can’t help but be inspired/happy about how their rendition is all about doing well in school. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.
The school's website reprints an article that was published in the Chicago Tribune about the video.
This landed as the Top Weirdest story (of the top 100) tracked by Dugg for 2009, although it actually took place in the summer of 2007, which is when our protagonist, JD, went on a two-week backpacking trip in Europe. Since he wouldn't be able to use his cell phone and wasn't going to be checking his emails, he informed all the people close to him -- including Em, his girlfriend -- that they weren't going to be able to get in touch with him for a while.
Apparently, Em didn't get the message, beginning a hilarious two-week chain of unanswered emails in which she grew more and more outraged by his lack of response.
As JD tours the old world, Em dumps him, takes him back, dumps him again, says a lot of scarily illogical things and brags about sleeping with another guy in retribution for his silent treatment. Finally, after running into JD's mom and realizing what has happened, Em professes her love for JD and begs and begs him not to read any of the emails.
Well JD did read the emails, and he did dump Em because of them. But, being a gentleman, he waited two years before he released the emails to an eager Internet public. As one commenter put it, he especially appreciated the gesture, because he learned something: "If I ever marry, I'm first giving her the Europe test to make sure she's sane."
Enjoy.
Apparently, Em didn't get the message, beginning a hilarious two-week chain of unanswered emails in which she grew more and more outraged by his lack of response.
As JD tours the old world, Em dumps him, takes him back, dumps him again, says a lot of scarily illogical things and brags about sleeping with another guy in retribution for his silent treatment. Finally, after running into JD's mom and realizing what has happened, Em professes her love for JD and begs and begs him not to read any of the emails.
Well JD did read the emails, and he did dump Em because of them. But, being a gentleman, he waited two years before he released the emails to an eager Internet public. As one commenter put it, he especially appreciated the gesture, because he learned something: "If I ever marry, I'm first giving her the Europe test to make sure she's sane."
Enjoy.
The Muppets do Bohemian Rhapsody
Nov. 24th, 2009 12:41 pmand do it very well.
I laughed ever so hard. Thanks tomatociquala for the link.
All I know is we're not getting paid tonight.
I laughed ever so hard. Thanks to
matociquala for the link.All I know is we're not getting paid tonight.
Bulwer-Lytton winners for 2009
Jul. 2nd, 2009 03:10 pmThe Bulwer-Lytton winners for 2009 have been announced. Here's this year's grand prize winner:
"Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests."The Winner for Fantasy fiction is:
David McKenzie
Federal Way, WA
Fantasy Fictionalthough I will admit I'm very fond of the runner up as well:
A quest is not to be undertaken lightly--or at all!--pondered Hlothgar, Thrag of the Western Boglands, son of Glothar, nephew of Garthol, known far and wide as Skull Dunker, as he wielded his chesty stallion Hralgoth through the ever-darkening Thlargwood, beyond which, if he survived its horrors and if Hroglath the royal spittle reader spoke true, his destiny awaited--all this though his years numbered but fourteen.
Stuart Greenman
Seattle, WA
Towards the dragon's lair the fellowship marched -- a noble human prince, a fair elf, a surly dwarf, and a disheveled copyright attorney who was frantically trying to find a way to differentiate this story from "Lord of the Rings."See the rest of the winners and enjoy the awfulness here.
Andrew Manoske
Foster City, CA
Shake your tailfeathers
Feb. 23rd, 2009 07:17 pmThis made me laugh harder than anything else this whole week:
( What I did today to make the world a better place )
( What I did today to make the world a better place )
Cats for Obama
Aug. 29th, 2008 09:43 pmBecause we haven't yet had our quota of political silliness for the day, I give you:
Cats for Obama
Yes, it's both cat macros AND Obama gushing! Something for (almost) everyone!
Cats for Obama
Yes, it's both cat macros AND Obama gushing! Something for (almost) everyone!
Dr. Horrible
Jul. 30th, 2008 12:27 pmWHY have none of you ever mentioned Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along blog to me???
Edited to add: Okay, some of you did, on your own journals. My reading of my friends list has been hit or miss the past couple weeks, and oddly, I seemed to miss all mentions. Atta girl, Peg. Behind the curve as usual.
Edited to add: Okay, some of you did, on your own journals. My reading of my friends list has been hit or miss the past couple weeks, and oddly, I seemed to miss all mentions. Atta girl, Peg. Behind the curve as usual.
Dancing with the Star Wars stars
Jun. 11th, 2008 08:16 pmAnother amusing video. This might be all over your friends list tomorrow, but I don't care. I have to post it, too. Thanks to eeknight for the link.
eeknight for the link.Best. Office Prank. EVAH.
Jun. 11th, 2008 02:56 pmCheck out this link: "One night we came in late and walled off 11 senior offices just for fun." [not my workplace, btw, more's the pity]:
Men and women
Jun. 10th, 2008 10:18 amThis made me laugh out loud. I saw it on somebody's Sparkpage over at Sparkpeople:
Five tips for a woman....Below that, she had:
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Serenity prayer:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
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heidi8"Put Down the Hammer"
Feb. 13th, 2008 12:24 pmSaw this in lemonlye's journal and thought it funny enough to cross-post.
[lemonlye said:] (Got this in email. It appears to be real, and even if it isn't, it's still funny.)
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
Edited to add: Yes, she is real. And she has a blog. The letter was originally posted there.
Edited to add again: Her blog is funny. I've set up a syndicated feed:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
wendi_aarons.
lemonlye's journal and thought it funny enough to cross-post.[
lemonlye said:] (Got this in email. It appears to be real, and even if it isn't, it's still funny.)This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
Edited to add: Yes, she is real. And she has a blog. The letter was originally posted there.
Edited to add again: Her blog is funny. I've set up a syndicated feed:
wendi_aarons.The Mom Song
Oct. 10th, 2007 06:24 pmheinous_bitca sent me this link and I just roared.It's The Mom Song set to the William Tell Overature.
