Late night entry

My family gathers for the holidays the week between Christmas and New Years (we gather with our spouses' families over Christmas). This works quite well. We'll open gifts New Year's Eve. It really becomes a twelve days of Christmas celebration. I was at my sister's tonight; my brother just got into town with his family (from New York).

We had a good conversation, touching upon a wide variety of issues. I do enjoy my family and love them very much, but I will admit that this time of the year can still be difficult. It's the darkest time of the year, and I really feel the effect of that. And . . . I don't know . . . somehow, as much as I love my siblings and get along well with them and my parents for the most part, I find that I like myself just about the least at this time of year. Perhaps it's the preparation-for-the-holidays stress which makes me feel less competent. Or that they ask me questions that are not always easy to answer. ( "What are you doing with yourself?" may not always be a comfortable question, if secretly one is not happy with the answers.) Also, perhaps getting back together with my family of origin brings up old echoes and memories that somehow make me feel . . . raw, untested, untried. Hmm. Not explaining myself well. Must think on this more.

I heard Jack and Solveig talking in the back of my mind as I drove home tonight, which pleased me, as they have been rather silent the last three weeks or so. They were talking about permanence/impermanence, purportedly about the ice palace itself, but although Solveig doesn't know it, Jack was also thinking about how he has been forestalling his own death. A good sign, that I will be able to get back to it after the first of the year.

Very late, very tired. Too tired to try to pin down a better explanation of what I'm experiencing when I get together with my family.

And so to bed.

For the New Year

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?

Establishing a pattern of exercise. I bought an aerobics step, and did step and weight lifting exercise videos. I did about 150 workouts this year, which is a little under three times a week. I am definitely in better physical shape! Go me!

I am also extremely pleased that I seem to have a viable book idea now.

2. What was your biggest disappointment?

That despite the exercise, I didn't lose any weight. Yeah, yeah, we all know muscle weighs more than fat, but let me tell you, it is really discouraging to force myself out of bed at 5:15 a.m. day after day and kill myself, only to have the scale not budge at all. I slacked off a bit at the end of the year because I was getting so discouraged. I have to get more ruthless about my diet, and recommit to exercise to kick it up to a higher frequency.

3. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions?

Recommitting to exercise. I have a couple of habits I'm not proud of which I'm going to try to eradicate, which I won't mention here, but I'll try (again) to get rid of them. Haven't been successful, despite earlier resolutions, but hey, I did get the exercise habit established, so maybe this is the year.

And not exactly a resolution, but I intend to write lots on the new novel.

4. Where will you be at midnight? Do you wish you could be somewhere else?

I will be at my sister's house with my family, which is just exactly where I want to be. We will have opened our family gifts and will be toasting the new year.

5. Aside from (possibly) staying up late, do you have any other New Year's traditions?

We play the White Elephant game! This has been a family tradition in my family for nigh on forty years:

The Rules:

Everyone brings a mathom or two, gift wrapped, and they are all piled in the center of the circle. (This is your chance to get rid of those salt and pepper holders you never used, or the Praying Jesus plate Aunt Matilda gave you for your wedding, or the VCR remote holder shaped like a stuffed goose or . . . ) Several pairs of dice are passed around. If you roll a 7 or 11, you take a gift from the center of the pile; if you roll doubles, that means you roll again.

When all the gifts are gone, everyone unwraps and shows off their loot. Then a timer is set for five minutes. Dice are rolled and passed. If you get 7 or 11 you can either grab someone else's gift, or unload your gift onto somebody else. Doubles rolls again. And you're stuck with whatever you have when the timer goes off.

It gets to be a uproariously laughing screamfest. We discovered years ago that if you have very young children playing, some gifts should be included that are calculated to please them: matchbox cars, or little dolls. We all remember the year when my nephew David eagerly unwrapped his box, only to find my brother's skanky old tennis shoe, and he burst into tears, and it took quite a while to calm him down.

We have a rule that you have to leave with whatever you won, but there is a long time-honored tradition of trying to hide your white elephants at the hosts house so that you don't have to take them with you. Another vivid memory: one of my uncles hiding an old bowling ball behind the drapes. We discovered it and managed to lob it into the back seat of his car, just as he drove away. He stopped the car and lobbed it back onto our lawn.

We mailed it to him, COD.

Cheers,
Peg

A milestone: won't you introduce yourself?

Hey, my friends list just hit 100! I remember when I first started this journal, I felt as nervous as if I was getting ready for a party (is the house clean enough? Do I have enough pistachio nuts?) I'm so pleased to meet you all. How did you find my LiveJournal (and why do you stick around)? Won't you please introduce yourself? Or just wave "hi" if I know you already?

Thanks!

Cheers,
Peg