A couple of things occurred to me as I read this. First, J and I attribute whatever success we have had in parenting in large part to one factor: we think about what we're doing. We don't do it because our parents did it, or because our parents did the opposite, or because the books say to, or because society expects it, or because of What Will People Think. I suspect that you and Rob also think about your parenting.
I know that we have always given our kids a lot more freedom and independence than some parents are comfortable with, and we have also allowed them to stay dependent and close to home more than some parents are comfortable with. That is to say, the four of them are different, and we have tried very hard to raise them by meeting their needs rather than our own. I don't mean not taking care of ourselves, having our own interests and activities, etc. I mean letting the kids be who they are, not some vision that we might have of them. We have strongly subscribed to the idea that the only lasting gifts we can give our children are roots and wings. And no two of them have needed the same amount of either, nor at the same age.
Something I'm not sure I ever thought of in quite this way before: I always wanted to be a parent, but I never specifically wanted to be a mother. I'm not sure what that means, but it's so.
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Date: 2005-07-10 04:49 am (UTC)I know that we have always given our kids a lot more freedom and independence than some parents are comfortable with, and we have also allowed them to stay dependent and close to home more than some parents are comfortable with. That is to say, the four of them are different, and we have tried very hard to raise them by meeting their needs rather than our own. I don't mean not taking care of ourselves, having our own interests and activities, etc. I mean letting the kids be who they are, not some vision that we might have of them. We have strongly subscribed to the idea that the only lasting gifts we can give our children are roots and wings. And no two of them have needed the same amount of either, nor at the same age.
Something I'm not sure I ever thought of in quite this way before: I always wanted to be a parent, but I never specifically wanted to be a mother. I'm not sure what that means, but it's so.