I have three younger sisters. My father is in the military, and we never lived in a house in which at least two of us did not share a room. As the eldest, I was always given the option of my own room when there were enough rooms to go around. However, such an arrangement never lasted for longer than two months at a stretch, because my two middle sisters were...tempermental, to say the least, and did everything in their power to ensure they were the ones with single rooms, including making the life of my youngest sister absolute hell until I insisted she room with me to spare her.
Of course, my revenge was often to insist on rooming with the youngest when we all had to double up, leaving the two middle sisters to deal with each other as roommates.
One of the middle sisters grew up to run smack into the reality that throwing tantrums would get her nowhere with anyone not in her family. The other, despite numerous lessons, still has not learned. Having their own rooms made them no less tempermental, and I think my parents giving in only reinforced bad habits that got them in trouble later in life.
As for me, my own bad habit became automatically compromising in any similar situation, making myself the martyr, and resenting the hell out of whomever I was sacrificing for. It took many years to stop that passive-aggressive trend, and I still struggle with it on occasion.
Puberty's a rough patch. Adolescence is a rough patch. So is adulthood. It seems clear to me that space of your own is a proven necessity on your part, and only a theoretical balm on Fiona's. I staked out a corner of the living room sofa as my own space when I was a teen. Everyone had their scheduled TV time, and when no one was scheduled I'd read in my corner and the family rule was that no one was to disturb me. You might try such an option with Fiona. It would address her need for space without taking yours away, and also lead to less hard feelings when un-space-related trouble arises.
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Date: 2005-08-23 07:24 am (UTC)Of course, my revenge was often to insist on rooming with the youngest when we all had to double up, leaving the two middle sisters to deal with each other as roommates.
One of the middle sisters grew up to run smack into the reality that throwing tantrums would get her nowhere with anyone not in her family. The other, despite numerous lessons, still has not learned. Having their own rooms made them no less tempermental, and I think my parents giving in only reinforced bad habits that got them in trouble later in life.
As for me, my own bad habit became automatically compromising in any similar situation, making myself the martyr, and resenting the hell out of whomever I was sacrificing for. It took many years to stop that passive-aggressive trend, and I still struggle with it on occasion.
Puberty's a rough patch. Adolescence is a rough patch. So is adulthood. It seems clear to me that space of your own is a proven necessity on your part, and only a theoretical balm on Fiona's. I staked out a corner of the living room sofa as my own space when I was a teen. Everyone had their scheduled TV time, and when no one was scheduled I'd read in my corner and the family rule was that no one was to disturb me. You might try such an option with Fiona. It would address her need for space without taking yours away, and also lead to less hard feelings when un-space-related trouble arises.