Thinking about what I wrote this morning

[pegkerr]

I wrote about 325 words and sent them off to kijjohnson. She wrote back that she liked what I'd sent.

But all day long, I've been feeling uneasily dissatisfied with this morning's work. Why? I read it over, and think, well, yeah, technically it's okay. Sure, I see several edits I can make, to avoid a repetitious phrase or two. Nothing major. Maybe there isn't anything particularly interesting going on here stylistically. Is that the problem? Hmm. That could be developed further, if I think it's necessary.

As I try to give this scene the most realistic assessment possible, I can feel my gut still saying I'm not happy with it. Why?

It feels too . . . pat. Too glib. Emotions are too easily slotted in. He reveals the big thing. She gets mad--in her restrained Solveig sort of way, I mean. Revelation, reaction, and none of it's a surprise emotionally. I mean, what he is revealing is supposed to be a surprise, and I think that the book will set it up so that it will be a shock. I put Solveig in the position of realizing that a person she was beginning to trust was about to betray her. He's pulled back from the brink saying, I was going to do that, but I'm not going to do that now. How can I make her reaction feel real, unstudied, fresh, authentic? Fully human? Interesting? What does Solveig say or do, so that it doesn't look like The Big Confrontation scene from every cliche soap opera written? (Not that I watch soap operas much, you understand, but you know what I mean).

I'm trying to capture absolute authenticity here. How do I make her feel more real to me (and hopefully the reader)?

Is my unease useful at this point or not? I guess the best thing to do is to listen to my gut, make a note that I might run this scene past several different beta readers, just to capture other people's perceptions of how it's coming across. But I'm experienced enough to be aware that my unease may not be an accurate assessment of any real problem. I haven't written reliably for a long time, and now that I'm getting back to work, it's going to feel strange at first. My internal critic, just emerging from a long and confusing period of writer's block, may still be too hypersensitive in its calibration, and possibly needs to be dampened down further.

But I mustn't let anything stop my forward momentum.

So yeah, mark the scene to remind myself to run it past a few other readers. Remember, as I write, to do all I can to be as honest and authentic as I'm dealing with these people's emotions as I can be.

But most importantly, keep going.