What Girls Can and Cannot Do

[pegkerr]

I came to pick the girls up at the Y, and Fiona made a beeline for my arms and buried herself in them. I quickly realized she was in tears. "Here now, what's all this?"

"I had a bad day." I sat her down on the bench, and coaxed the story out. It started with a substitute teacher who ranted at the class "for a half an hour!" because the students didn't write on an assignment to the length he specified. "We had to stay inside and do social studies all over again instead of going outside during our free time," she said tragically. "But I'd done it right in the first place." She squeezed my waist more tightly. "I'm tired of being punished because of other people." There were other woes, involving a basketball that clocked her on her cheekbone, a girl who woke her up when she was sleeping on the bus, and more.

I made sympathetic noises as I gathered her stuff and Delia's stuff and shepherded them out to the car. I buckled them in as Fiona continued with tale. " . . .And then we had to go up to the gym, and it was Erika, and she was just awful . . ."

I went around to my side, started up the car, half-listening, and heard, just as I was about to pull into traffic, ". . . and Deeana tried to take it and then I tried to take it, but Erika said no, give it to a boy. Girls can't carry the ball bag."

I slammed on the brakes. "What? What did you say?"

She blinked at me. "'Girls can't carry the ball bag.' That's what Erika said."

"Is Erika a counselor?"

"Yeah."

I put the car back into reverse and then put it in park. "Excuse me for a minute. This is something I have to tell Steve. This is important."

I went back inside and found the day care director. I repeated the substance of what Fiona told me to Steve and Liz. Both of their eyebrows rose. "Um, that doesn't sound right," Liz said.

"It certainly doesn't." I fixed them both with my best steely-bitch stare. "I don't want to hear that counselors at the Y are telling my child she can't do anything because of her gender. All right?"

I eventually got Fiona and Delia to both come in and repeat their stories. Delia had tried to carry the ball bag before, and been rebuffed by Erika, too. "She told me to give it to a boy to carry."

"Sometimes we need to work with kids on their manners. Maybe she said that because she's trying to teach the boys to offer to carry things, to be polite?" Liz wondered aloud.

"Maybe," I said, skeptically, but willing to be convinced.

Steve came back from talking to Erika. "It seems that one of the smallest children in the class, Deanna, asked to carry it, but it was really too big for her. Erika wanted it be carried by someone who was big enough to handle it."

"Yes, but it doesn't have to be a boy," Fiona said. "I can certainly carry it."

I thought of her lugging around her big bag of karate sparring equipment and had to agree. "Maybe that's what she meant, but it's not the lesson the children are getting from her. Do you see?"

"We certainly do." Steve looked determined. "From now on, we'll make sure everyone gets a chance to carry the ball bag."

That's all I can ask. I'm glad I spoke up.

Comments

[bethynyc.livejournal.com]

Go You!!!

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Go you.

I wouldn't have done that; I'd have bitten my lip and then told my children "We don't do that in our family." I would never have had the courage you had to confront.

[ruedifference.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you handled that brilliantly.

[http://users.livejournal.com/anam_cara_/]

3 CHEERS for speaking up!

[cynthia1960.livejournal.com]

Huzzah! You handled that in a manner that got the message across clearly and without acrimony. All involved will carry this as a lesson in the future, Goddess willing.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

You are a rockin' mom, Peg.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

See? This is the sort of thing that has me reading your journal even on days when I can't be online much!

[vierran45.livejournal.com]

Good for you!

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

There you go being the good mom again. You even rolled two lessons into one -- that "because you're a girl" isn't an acceptable reason for being denied the chance to do something, and that "because person in authority said so" isn't cause to back down and accept injustice. Efficient!

And their making excuses? Was stupid. Even little kids can carry more than you think, or maybe they should get two bags and split the load.

[redbird]

Well done.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

It gets to be a pain, having to fight these battles over and over, but it's the only way it will ever--eventually, one can hope--become unnecessary. And showing your kids that it's worth doing is in itself worth doing.

[aome.livejournal.com]

Reason #427 why you are a Great Mom, and why I admire your parenting so much. Remember this the next time you get in a funk about your mom-ing skills.

I also hope it made Fiona feel a bit better about her day. :)

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

You so rock!

[pinkfinity.livejournal.com]

Good for her for telling you, good for you for speaking up and good for the organizers for reacting as they did.

Would you like to borrow one of the books from my list o'quotes this week, the one from 1974 about the girl who had to do a petition to be allowed to do a paper route? The girls might find it historically interesting.

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

Damn right. Go you.

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

Good for you!

The Target near me often runs this kind of page: "We need a male associate to come to checkout and carry out a purchase." WHY can't they say "strong associate"--or just "associate," and figure that their employees are smart enough to figure out that a purchase that is too heavy for the customer probably requires someone who's reasonably strong?

>_

[vass]

Hooray for you!

Everything that wilfulcait said, and also that you showed your girls that their mother stands up for them, right away. It's really good to read.

[kiwiria.livejournal.com]

Go you! I love the way you stand up for your daughters. You're an amazing mother, I hope I can be like you, once it's my turn.

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

I think that was very well done.

[faithhopetricks.livejournal.com]

You. Rule. I wish my mother had been like you.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

There are several great things about this story which other readers have already pointed out. The other think I noticed was that the director of the Y after-school care got the point right away and is going to take care of it.

[mayakda.livejournal.com]

Awesome!

[leiabelle.livejournal.com]

Good on you, Peg! :D

My parents stuck up for me in elementary school when the coaches wouldn't let me play flag football with the boys because (a) I was a girl, and (b) I wore glasses and they thought they would break too easily. My parents told them that both reasons were ridiculous and insisted that they allow me to play if I wanted, and the coaches grudgingly gave in. I've never forgotten it. :)