The dam breaks
Dec. 17th, 2003 06:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrI had wondered whether my reaction would be similar to Lois': she said that the film had strong visual impact, but not the emotional impact she expected, and she wondered whether it would sink in later, or she would be happier when she sees what's added to the extended DVD release. Well, that did in fact turn out to be the case for me. I squeezed out a few tears at the departure from the Grey Havens, but not as many as I wanted or expected. The film ended at 4:00 a.m. (they started late) so I thought (I hoped) it was just that I was tired and overwhelmed, and hopefully I'd feel the emotional impact I wanted later, like Lois.
I thought about the movie all day. There are some shifts of nuance that bothered me, that I want to talk about with Lois and Kij. Did they totally miss the key fact that both Frodo and Sam showed mercy to Gollum? Does the scene at the Cracks of Doom work with the slightly different emphasis? I was listening to the soundtrack at work today, at track 17, where Aragorn is crowned. The music got to that incredibly tender playing of the "concerning hobbits" theme and I visualized the scene again, where Frodo looks up with awe and wonder at Aragorn as Aragorn bows to him, honoring him for what he has done--and suddenly a whole flood of images came back to me from the end of the movie. Frodo's awakening after the rescue from Mount Doom. Jane's line from Pride and Prejudice flitted through my mind as I watched that reunion: "How shall I bear so much happiness?" The coronation. The homecoming to the Shire, the Grey Havens, and Sam's return. I suddenly felt sobs welling up, and I hurried to an unused office and closed the door.
I cried and cried, great racking sobs that I struggled to keep quiet, but I felt my heart just cracking, seared with the pain of that ending. I thought about the reviews I'd been reading compulsively, and yes, many liked the book and the movies both and say they are a masterpiece, but others groused about how "multiple endings" weakened it. I thought about Germaine Greer's sneers, and the condescension in Jenny Turner's critique, I thought about the (few) critics who sneered at the movies as impure and overhyped and bloated and boring and I told them fiercely to shut up. I saw this last year, and I see it this year, and you can sneer all you want, but I don't care. You don't understand the "long toothache of the soul," what Tolkien called glamour, and you're certainly lesser people for it. I don't know if I understand it better than you do, but I want it, I need it desperately, like air and water.
And damn you, anyway, Professor Tolkien, for writing something that breaks my heart like this, and damn you for writing something that makes me so madly jealous because I don't think I'll ever be able to write anything that makes others feel the way this book makes me feel. Damn you, and oh, bless you.
I cried as I drove to the daycare, and I cried as I drove home, mopping my eyes surreptitiously at stop lights. The girls didn't notice. I arrived home without an accident. I am exhausted, and emotionally spent.
I am seeing it again on Friday. It is possible that this could be dangerous.
I thought about the movie all day. There are some shifts of nuance that bothered me, that I want to talk about with Lois and Kij. Did they totally miss the key fact that both Frodo and Sam showed mercy to Gollum? Does the scene at the Cracks of Doom work with the slightly different emphasis? I was listening to the soundtrack at work today, at track 17, where Aragorn is crowned. The music got to that incredibly tender playing of the "concerning hobbits" theme and I visualized the scene again, where Frodo looks up with awe and wonder at Aragorn as Aragorn bows to him, honoring him for what he has done--and suddenly a whole flood of images came back to me from the end of the movie. Frodo's awakening after the rescue from Mount Doom. Jane's line from Pride and Prejudice flitted through my mind as I watched that reunion: "How shall I bear so much happiness?" The coronation. The homecoming to the Shire, the Grey Havens, and Sam's return. I suddenly felt sobs welling up, and I hurried to an unused office and closed the door.
I cried and cried, great racking sobs that I struggled to keep quiet, but I felt my heart just cracking, seared with the pain of that ending. I thought about the reviews I'd been reading compulsively, and yes, many liked the book and the movies both and say they are a masterpiece, but others groused about how "multiple endings" weakened it. I thought about Germaine Greer's sneers, and the condescension in Jenny Turner's critique, I thought about the (few) critics who sneered at the movies as impure and overhyped and bloated and boring and I told them fiercely to shut up. I saw this last year, and I see it this year, and you can sneer all you want, but I don't care. You don't understand the "long toothache of the soul," what Tolkien called glamour, and you're certainly lesser people for it. I don't know if I understand it better than you do, but I want it, I need it desperately, like air and water.
And damn you, anyway, Professor Tolkien, for writing something that breaks my heart like this, and damn you for writing something that makes me so madly jealous because I don't think I'll ever be able to write anything that makes others feel the way this book makes me feel. Damn you, and oh, bless you.
I cried as I drove to the daycare, and I cried as I drove home, mopping my eyes surreptitiously at stop lights. The girls didn't notice. I arrived home without an accident. I am exhausted, and emotionally spent.
I am seeing it again on Friday. It is possible that this could be dangerous.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-17 04:37 pm (UTC)Seriously, though, I'm really looking forward to seeing it tonight.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-17 04:42 pm (UTC)Perfect statement.
It's--transporting.
Peter S. Beagle can do this to me, too. No matter what the flaws, the emotion is real.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-17 05:19 pm (UTC)B
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-18 06:50 am (UTC)I can't imagine how much I'll bawl at the movie ... I better bring tissues.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-24 01:21 pm (UTC)And here I thought I was the only one who wrote sentiments like that. ;-) I have a huge multipage ramble in one of my old notebooks that is essentially variations on "damn you Tolkien for writing Frodo out of Middle-earth and ruining his life," etc. etc. Mind you, I use the notebook a la the Morning Pages, so this was catharsis. I don't really (contrary to what some people may gather from my rants) walk around 24/7 obsessing over Frodo and his "canon" fate. ;-)