Sparring yesterday

[pegkerr]

Fiona and I went to sparring class yesterday. Note: I haven't made it all the way through a single sparring class since my initial injury in November. Part of this is because I'm still babying my right knee, but part of it, I will freely admit, is that I am a wuss who is unable to muster up sufficient stamina. Sparring class KILLS me. I always crawl out of there dripping with sweat and blowing like a grampus. I was the only one who attended last night who WASN'T a black belt, and lord, didn't I know it. To increase my humiliation, Mr. Craven and Mr. No were there: Mr. Craven is a national fighting champion, and Mr. No earned his black belt in a TKD school and has the most amazing crazy-ass kicks. I hadn't fought Mr. Craven before, but just watching him warm up, I had to fight the impulse, when we partnered off, to simply bow to him and concede the match before any punches or kicks were exchanged. Why would someone like him waste his time with someone like me? I partnered with Mr. No for a down-the-room drill: blitz back fist/punch followed by round kick. He was very kind and offered encouragement, but I still felt obscure humiliation. Lord, why am I even pretending? He stepped on my foot pad, ripping it in half all the way, which gave me an excuse to stop before we broke down into two sparring rings to finish the class. I didn't feel any annoyance at him over this, since both foot pads were halfway ripped already anyway, and it was high time for me to get new ones (except bummer, I have to come up with $40 for a new set somehow).

I do not like sparring. I do not, I do not, I do not. I am pissed at my injury and pissed that I can't kick above waist level even though I've been trying, trying, trying to get my hamstrings to open up, but they won't budge. And I'm also pissed at my body for just getting so winded so quickly. Fiona LOVES sparring. She suits up into her sparring kit and it's like oh boy! Sparring! Bounce, bounce! Sparring! Why the hell can't I love it like that, too? But every time I do it, I feel so old, out of shape, and pathetic, and I just hate getting hit so hard.

Yet I know I have to do it. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Give me form anytime. I keep trying and trying. But I still can't make myself like it at all and then getting mad at myself for my attitude.

I talked with our senior instructor briefly last night, mentioning that gradually I'm getting to the point that I can get most of the way through the class without going to the bathroom to cry or throw up. Maybe soon I'll make it all the way through an entire class. He smiled. "It's good to have goals like that."

Comments

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

I was relieved when oncoming arthritis forced me out of sparring. The fifty-something body just doesn't want to be healing up from bruises and contusions the way the teen body could blithely ignore them.

[brigidsblest.livejournal.com]

I've been taking Tae Kwon Do classes for the last two years. I'm 41 (42 in July), and have a lot of the same problems that you do--stamina, sweating and breathing, inability to get my kicks as high as younger class members. I've broken more toes on the matts at my class than I can remember, and seriously sprained an elbow on one of the heavy bags once. I hate sparring class.

Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and told I needed to quit going to those classes, because they'd make my illness worse. I don't know whether to be relieved that I have a valid reason to quit, or disappointed because I liked the class on my good days and now have one less way of keeping in shape.

[aome.livejournal.com]

I hate confrontation. The idea of being attacked, even under semi-controlled circumstances, just feels very scary to me. Yet another reason why I sometimes longingly think of trying tae kwon do, myself, and then think better of it. :P So - I think very very highly of you for doing this, for facing those challenges.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I can answer why someone like him wants to spar with someone like you - or at least I can pass on the answer a wiser friend found. She was writing about dancing, but I think it still applies (full entry is here:
"phase 1" dancers (beginners) tend to be focused primarily on the mechanics, and once they're comfortable with that, they become "phase 2" dancers who become intent on extracting all the joy they possibly can out of the dancing experience... which is fine, but then there's yet another level, "phase 3," where a dancer discovers how there's even more joy to be had from making things fun for others (as opposed to focusing just on their own pleasure).

[lindelea1.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Don't know what the controversy was about, but enjoyed reading through the two blogs with the descriptive names. (Dds reading over my shoulder goggled at the incredible "fat food" pictures, not able to imagine eating such things. No, wait, they thought the candy pizza was pretty cool. But then they're pre-teens.)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_lindsay_/]

1. i know you disabled comments on the other posts deliberately but when I saw your rant I was like, WHOA, peg must have posted something REALLY controversial and then I saw it was just the blog.... what? anyway, just wanted you to know that is insane to be so very offended and take it out on you.

2. damn. sparring sounds crazier all the time- regarding comparing yourself to fiona, beyond the obvious frustration of that, my mom is a super athelete and always has been. She won state in basketball and cross country in high school and played basketball in college (along with everyone in her family!) so when I was in high school or college I never wanted to go running or biking with her even though she always tried to get me to. In fact I would HIDE it if I went running. I was embarassed that she would be better than me. About five years ago I finally acqueisced and we went on a run together and what was so sad to me was that, with me at 22 and her at 45, I was finally faster than her and that was almost harder.

3. Don't feel too sorry though, she still has a six pack from the joy of doing yoga all the time (seriously, she thinks this stuff is fun) and, at almost 50 now, IT IS JUST MANIFESTLY UNFAIR.

4. This was supposed to be a comment about you, you kick ass.