Restless

[pegkerr]

I have been restlessly flitting between a bunch of different works of fiction today. Read two Internet LOTR fanfics, finished a murder mystery and started the next in the series. Then I remembered in some embarrassment that I'd promised Lois a month ago to beta read her new manuscript, so I printed off the nine chapters she'd sent me via e-mail and started reading those. (This is Lois McMaster Bujold's next novel, her sequel to The Curse of Chalion. Sorry, this not meant as gloating, but yes, I am one of the lucky few that gets to read Lois' books in manuscript, and believe me, I know how lucky I am. No, I will not spill the beans. Please do not firebomb my house in retaliation.) I was just a couple pages in when I decided that I needed to refresh myself with the events and characters of The Curse of Chalion before starting, so I pulled that off my shelf and skim-read the last half of it.

Lord. I'd be afraid to count up how many characters I've about read today. It's a bit dizzying.

It's also been hot, and I didn't eat right today, so I got a bit hypoglycemic. I suppose this might help account a little for how "off" I've felt today. *Sigh.*

I talked with Kij (kijjohnson) tonight. Our discussion was wide-ranging, touching upon topics as various as her move to Kansas; some of the professional invitations we've received lately; motives that fuel writing; writing teachers who dole out toxic advice versus teachers who guide their students well; the tie between writing and other psychological characteristics, some useful and some not (such as depression, well-honed powers of observation, resilience); the nature of midlife crisises; mothering; reasons for my fiction writing block; LiveJournal, the nature of collaboration in writing and friendship. A rich, rewarding talk, as it so frequently is. Our friendship has certainly been a remarkable journey since that memorable day we met in our freshman college English class. Gad, almost twenty-four years ago, now.

For those willing/inclined to answer: how did you meet your best friend? How long ago did you meet? Why did you stay friends, even as your lives each have changed from year to year? For Kij and myself, I suppose we stayed best friends because we are at once so much alike and paradoxically so different. And we've learned to be honest with each other and never gave up on each other, even when we've become angry (I'm proud to say we've had some remarkable fights over the years). When you've invested so much into a friendship, it eventually gathers its own momentum. Can't imagine life without her as my best friend.

Cheers,
Peg

Comments

[thegraybook.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. Let's see: I met my best friend when we were both thirteen. She was the daughter of my mother's close friend, and I had managed to avoid meeting her for many years due to the fact that my mother kept telling me what a wonderful girl she was, and I therefore assumed she must be unbearable and refused to be introduced. However, her mother surprised us with a visit one day and brought my now-best-friend with her. She sat in my swimming pool and told me she had memorized Tennyson's "Ulysses"; then she proved that this was true by reciting it in entirety while sitting on the diving board in a pink bikini.

Of course we both change but ten years on we are very close still -- we both move from East to West coast regularly and the other one always packs up and follows eventually. She is the only person I have ever been able to spend a great deal of uninterrupted time with without wanting to kill her. Oh, and the Very Secret Diaries were her idea, for which she never gets enough credit. :D

Cass

[aome.livejournal.com]

My oldest friend, Beth -- We're no longer really that close; geography (3000 miles) has kept us apart for many years now, and we've both changed - but we still have a connection and a way of understanding each other. We met in 5th grade (nearly 21 years ago) and at first I was caught in the middle of a feud she had with another girl. I'd be friends with Erica and dislike Beth. Then friends with Beth and dislike Erica. Beth won out. ;) By 6th grade we were best friends. We've passed many milestones or wibbling moments at the same time or nearly. We sat near each other alphabetically in class; then when she got married, her last name changed to something radically different. Two years later, I got married, and now we're near each other alphabetically again. ;) We also flew across the country to be in each others' weddings. So even though perhaps she's not my *best* friend anymore, it's still something we consider very special.


My current best friend, Scott: Well, that's an amusing story, if you haven't gleaned it by now from my LJ. I was dating Steve, who had recently moved to PA after college (where we met). He met Scott through their church choir, and they were friends. On one visit, a group of people gathered to sing Christmas Carols, and Scott was there. He seemed like a nice guy, although I didn't know him well. Three months later, Steve and I broke up ... and Steve and Scott got together. I saw Scott one more time after that point, but before they had come Out to me, for another Christmas Carol party. Again - seemed like a nice guy, although I didn't know him well.

But when they finally *did* come Out to me - the very next visit, Scott picked me up from the train station (an hour-plus drive from his home) and ... we just didn't shut up the whole way. Immediately we clicked. That was nearly 8 years ago, and we're still like that today. We can talk about almost anything - religion, relationships, private stuff we don't tell anyone else, and lighter things as well. And when you get the two of us together alone, we talk a LOT -- skipping topics only to come back to them 20 minutes later, etc. It's a very odd situation, if you think about it (the husband of my ex?!) - but it works for us. :)

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I have always had trouble with the term "best friend." It implies there there is a linear scale of friendship that you can line everyone up along, and then point to the person furthest along on the line. My friendships are varied and complex, and it's hard to pick a "best."

I have the same trouble with "favorite food," "favorite wine," “favorite city,” etc.

It depends.

B

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I have several people whom I might call a best friend, and these are always friends I have a lot of love for, and a long relationship with. The more time and conversation and adventures I share with someone, the more they become indispensible to my life, and these are people I call "best friends."

K. [these years, the list changes by getting longer]

[flourish.livejournal.com]

I met my best friend, Kylan, through school. Actually, I was sitting at his table at a flower party freshman year (two years ago) and was making an attempt to flirt with him, and he steadfastly refused to be flirted with. Eventually he asked me to homecoming (mostly to get me off his back, I think), and since then we've stuck together like glue. I think what's kept us friends is the fact that there are so few people of the opposite sex who you can just be around without any kind of tension (keep in mind, I'm in high school). Everyone has hormones pouring out their ears, and he seems to be immune.

As to how we've stayed friends, I agree - we're both alike but different. Also, we can always debate religion if we run out of topics. The number one reason, though, from my end is that I can always confide in him and he doesn't make me feel like I should be able to handle my own problems. I'm not quite sure of the exact mechanics of how I became friends with him or how it's lasted. I don't know that you can be quite sure, if it's a really good friendship.

[lcohen]

i'm stymied, like some other respondees, as to who in my life the words "best friend" should be applied to. i mean in a way they belong to my partner, ayana, but i don't think she's the person in my life whose relationship with me would be comparable to the one that you describe, and not just because she's my romantic partner. ditto my ex, michele, who was my best friend before we got together romantically. the loss of my "best friend" hit me just as hard if not harder than the loss of my partner in life when she left me.

i think that probably one of two people is the right relationship even though i don't think of either person as my best friend. one person is someone i met at sunday school when i was five years old. we weren't really friends at that time, i've just known her that long. we really bonded when we got to be junior high age and were still in that same sunday school at that same temple and were two of the only girls there who went to public as opposed to private schools (in the USA senses of those words), and were socially on the outside because of it. so we've probably only been friends since we were 12 (!), and we're very different (and living proof that astrology has a lot to explain since we were born on the same day of the same year), and we've never lived in the same city since we went off to different colleges, yet somehow we've stayed in touch and stayed a part of each other's lives. e-mail has been a huge aid to keeping the relationship more current--before that, we really relied on about three letters apiece a year and maybe seeing each other if we were both in town at thanksgiving.

the other person would be someone i've known a much shorter amount of time, but our friendship has stood the test of fire (that story i only tell people in person, it seems--it's much too long to type). we met in 1994 at a brunch for a GLBT faculty and staff group here at the U of Chicago back when she worked over at the hospital. we started talking and clicked as though we had known each other for decades--to this day it's hard for us to believe that we never knew each other's exes prior to that point. she invited me to a party at her house the next day, and i overcame intense waves of shyness to go to a party where the only person who i would know was someone i'd talked to for one hour, and the rest, as they say, is history. a couple of years ago, she moved with her partner down to north carolina, and if i could only nudge one person into really using their e-mail more frequently, it would be her. ayana and i have visited them and had a wonderful time, and occasionally i call or vice versa, but i miss being really up to date on what's going on with her. maybe i'll send her an e-mail......

Best friend and best friends

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

I have been lucky enough to have some excellent friends in my life, people I love with all my heart and would do anything for. I love Lisa and Jill and Pete and Shawn; I love Lynn and DT in Eugene, and Maria in New York, and Bob in Brooklyn, and Michelle in Baton Rouge, and Marybeth on Bainbridge Island. Some I don't see so often anymore -- Maria and I write every few months or so; every year I get a phone call out of the blue from Michelle -- but I think of them often, and I know that they have changed who and what I am, and have made me a better person. Any one of them is an admirable friend, one I will treasure for a lifetime.

But Peg is my best best friend. Friendships, unlike marriages or blood-kinships, are not often something people fight to keep. People change, lives change, and it's easy to let the friendship go when it no longer seems to meet the needs of either of you. Peg and I have fought hard (and how!) to stay close, to make our relationship meet our needs and desires, till death do us part. We have tried so well that I feel closer, more united, with her now than I have ever felt. This friendship is my model for a successful marriage, and other friendships I never want to lose.

That is why I have friends, and even people I love like best friends, but only one very best friend.

Re: Best friend and best friends

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

What a moving testimonial. Thanks as ever!

Cheers,
Peg

[corinnethewise.livejournal.com]

I met my best friend in seventh grade, she was in eighth grade and sat third chair symphonic band, I was sixth chair. We both played the flute. We actually weren't very good friends, but I admired her a lot. She played very well and I thought she was the epitome of a flutist. She's the one that inspired my now trademark hairstyle. We actually became friends when I was a freshman in high school. She had quit playing the flute by then, but we became friends through her twin sister, Theresa. I worked with Theresa on the Mock Trial team and we became friends. When I became interested, then obesessed with Harry Potter, she decided that Katie and I should be friends, so through that we became good friends. We found that we had other things in common and worked really hard over the summer to stay friends and stay in touch. Then as the next year progressed we became better and better friends. Now we're best friends and I feel closer to her than anyone. I tell Katie everything, and I know I can tell her anything and she'll still be my friend. I am going to miss her so much when she goes off to college, even though I might even be going to the same college the next year, but I'm going to miss her so much. I don't know what I'd do without Katie.