Constance McMillen story: this is what bigotry looks like

[pegkerr]

I can't remember whether I've mentioned the Constance McMillen story in my journal--I know I've tweeted about it. She's the young girl in Mississippi who wanted to attend her prom with her girlfriend. The school reacted by cancelling the prom.

It gets worse. As reported by the Advocate:

To avoid Constance McMillen bringing a female date to her prom, the teen was sent to a "fake prom" while the rest of her class partied at a secret location at an event organized by parents.

McMillen tells The Advocate that a parent-organized prom happened behind her back — she and her date were sent to a Friday night event at a country club in Fulton, Miss., that attracted only five other students. Her school principal and teachers served as chaperones, but clearly there wasn't much to keep an eye on.

"They had two proms and I was only invited to one of them," McMillen says. "The one that I went to had seven people there, and everyone went to the other one I wasn’t invited to."

Last week McMillen asked one of the students organizing the prom for details about the event, and was directed to the country club. "It hurts my feelings," McMillen says.

Two students with learning difficulties were among the seven people at the country club event, McMillen recalls. "They had the time of their lives," McMillen says. "That's the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn't have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom]."

In March, after the Itawamba County School District refused to allow McMillen to bring a female date to the prom, the district canceled the event altogether. McMillen and her lawyers from the American Civil Liberties Union challenged that decision in court, and a judge ruled the district could not bar McMillen and her date.

The judge declined to force the school district to hold the prom because a parent-sponsored, private prom was being organized — and the understanding was that McMillen and her date were invited to that event. But Hampton says McMillen was never invited and organizers made it very difficult for her to find information on the time and location. That prom was later mysteriously canceled, with the Friday night event at the country club officially replacing it.

How could they do such a cruel thing? Now a classmate of hers has graciously explained their reasoning:

Lindsey Begley, who, according to her Facebook page [ed. note: I'm not going to link to her page because she is, after all, a minor -- if you need to find it, you can Google it] is a senior at Itawamba Agricultural High School with Constance McMillen. And in the comments section of La Figa she explained exactly why, after weeks of fighting for the right to attend prom with her girlfriend, Constance was, instead, sent — along with a handful of special education students — to a fake prom while the entire rest of the senior class went to the real prom. Begley explains why: "She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants."

Here's the way Begley herself explained it:

**Open Minded Readers Only**

I am a senior at IAHS, and I’ve known Constance for the last 6 years. Please hear our side of the story before you decide on our fate.

The party we had in Evergreen (the county neighborhood I live in) is 30 mins away from the school. we rented out the community center, hired vendors, decorated, and our parents ran the security/chaperone staff- but it wasn’t prom. Prom was at the country club where constance and 7 other students were. The reason the senior class boycotted the actual prom was not because we hate gays. We wanted a drama-free gathering to celebrate 3 great years and 1 lousy one together, and we wanted to lay low. We also wanted to do it without the main cause of the lousy. What people are failing to realize is that much of the fault of this whole stink lies with Constance, not her mistreatment by the school district, but her crazy-reckless need for attention. It sounds mean and horrible and like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco. As a whole we didn’t support her decision to throw the district under the bus, or her insinuations that we’re all just a bunch ‘a hicks driving around in beater pick up trucks spitting tobacco and burning crosses. IAHS is one of the top schools in the state and I’m proud of that, and I’m proud that we took a stand and just said you know what? forget it, we have just as much right as you do to have a party for ourselves. So we did, and now we’re getting flack because poor Connie’s ego got a bit of bruising. She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants. This time, we didn’t just let her.

Take it as you will, because I’m sure it sounds like we faked her out, but understand this- the decision NOT to attend prom had nothing to do with the school or with Constance’s sexual preferences; it had everything to do with proving we weren’t going to let her and the ACLU steamroll us into doing what Constance wanted. We flexed the muscle of the majority and we’ll suffer the consequences.

Someone (maybe a lawyer?) perhaps tapped Lindsey on the shoulder and suggested she might have gone a wee bit too far, because several hours later, she added this:

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post from earlier this evening. First want to apologize for the misrepresentation of the motives behind our decision. Secondly, I want to apologize for any discomfort I must have caused all you revolutionaries who are working so hard to bring change to such a small minded place as Itawamba- but do me one favor. Please, do not assume that every graduate from IAHS is stupid, incompetent as I seem to all of you. I ask that you forgive my very emotional attempt at defending my home. I personally believe that the whole thing has turned into a tempest in a teacup, so to speak, and I wish now that things could have been changed. Again, I ask you though please do not sterotype my school, county, state, or region based on what I have said. Thanks again.

Lindsey

As the blogger I read who reported this story notes:

Yes, this girl is young. Yes, what she wrote is incredibly bigoted. But she’s not the only one to look at here. The Facebook page “Constance Quit Yer Cryin’” has 486 fans [ed note -- commenters have informed me that those who support Constance have taken over this page, which explains its growing number of fans]. The parents of the students organized the secret prom. And many students at the high school wrote some rather unpleasant things about the prom on their own Facebook pages.

Shameful.

Here are pictures from the prom that Constance didn't know about.

I've been extremely impressed with young Constance McMillen. The graciousness she's exhibited under pressure (for example, noting that at least the individuals with learning disabilities enjoyed their prom, with no one making fun of them) stands in stark contrast to the behavior exhibited by her classmates. She is well deserving of the $30,000 scholarship she's received from Tonic.com. I hope that twenty and thirty years from now, the other seniors who graduated from her school will look back at themselves in shame, wondering, what on earth were we thinking? (It certainly may take that long for them to come to their senses.) Constance, in contrast, will be able to look back with self-respect. Brava.

Edited to add: Oh, and if you want to contact McMillen’s school district, here is that info (courtesy of Dorothy Snarker):

Itawamba County Schools Superintendent Teresa McNeece:
tmcneece@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-2159 ext. 14

Itawamba Agricultural High School principal Trae Wiygul
twiygul@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-3104

Edited to add again: Another IAHS student, "softballgirl10" added more rationalization:

as another student of IAHS i’m TIRED OF THIS. it has made me LOSE FAITH IN THE MEDIA.

NONE OF YOU KNOW CONSTANCE. she has been pulling this stuff for years and I doubt she’s a lesbian frankly. but whatever she’s got her college paid for and she got to wear her “different” tux and everyone loves her and she’s got exactly what she wanted. it is ironic that we are called the close minded when you all throw slurs at us and you don’t even know us. you’re all so hateful. all we wanted was a quiet night away from this mess and her but we have that taken away from us now.

and i don’t understand the disabled kids stuff, we don’t even talk to them, so stop judging. they could have come to our prom if they wanted to.

[and]

also i’m proud of our administration for backing us up by the way instead of running away from all of you. that’s courage, not trying to get away with wearing weird clothes. you all think she’s an angel..

[and]

you know what i mean by weird. what if she wanted to come to prom with a police siren on her head? one that’s really loud would you defend her then?? that’s what SHE WAS DOING THIS FOR. TO GET PEOPLE TO STARE AT HER. she is using the lesbian thing as an excuse to look like a victim but she JUST WANTS YOU TO LOOK AT HER. she ruined our year… just because something is legal doesn’t make it right. like i said she won anyway she got her prom.

[and, then when the various commenters prove less than impressed by this appeal, she tries this:]

you don’t know me and you don’t know the people who raised me and you DON’T KNOW CONSTANCE. this isn’t about bigotry i don’t care if she’s actually a lesbian. you’re the ones stereotyping that we’re dumb hicks in the south who only know the bible. and you’re stereotpying Constance as a victim but none of you really know, it’s sad and it makes me angry, all you know is what she tells the media. YOU ARE THE ADULTS yet she manipulates you all so easily. i doubt much of you have been to mississippi and none of you to my school yet you think you know better.

Unbelievable.

Edited to add: Speaking of fake proms, it's really not a first for the South.


What I did today to make the world a better place: Emailed my sister to suggest an application be made to nominate Mama Lupita (of Casa Hogar Elim) for CNN Hero. Sent emails to the Itawamba County School Board and principal, protesting their actions in the Constance McMillen case. Wrote a post to praise my jeweler's good customer service.