52 Card Project 2021: Week 11: Books
Mar. 20th, 2021 02:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrOne of the most difficult issues I've had to deal with in culling things down after Rob's death is What On Earth Do I Do With The Books?
Soooooo many books.
Like, thousands upon thousands of them. Rob LOVED to collect books and to get them autographed. I have already cleared at least a thousand books out of the house, and I still have nine floor-to-ceiling bookcases in the living room and dining room absolutely crammed with books. I have thinned out the stacks that were piled up on the floor because there wasn't enough bookcase room. There were still yet more boxes in the basement and garage.
Rob's attitude was that once a book came into the house, it could never leave again. PARTICULARLY if he had it autographed. And he had hundreds of autographed books--perhaps thousands. He loved going to conventions and meeting the authors and chatting them up, and he was so proud to get their books autographed. It was like a dopamine hit for him. And he especially loved to tell the authors he met, "My wife is an author, too; you should read her books!"
I mean, I got it, to a large extent. We met in a writing class, for heaven's sake, and yes, we bonded over books. I LOVE reading books. I went on to write novels, and I got a master's degree in English.
But still: sooooooo many books.
They were piled everywhere. In the corners of the living room and dining room and bedroom, with yet more boxes stuffed with books stacked against the wall. He would go to author signings at Dreamhaven and Uncle Hugo's and Once Upon a Crime. When I'd mildly protest about the money spent, he'd say "But honey! I got a first edition, AND I got it autographed! It's gonna be valuable someday!" He'd check out the remainder shelves at Barnes & Noble, and he'd go to the Friends of the Library Booksale and buy yet more books. "If you go at the end of the day they'll give you a whole grocery bag for just a dollar! And look--this one's a first edition! How could I pass it by?"
I actually started to worry about the structural integrity of the house due to the weight of all the books and bookcases. I couldn't get at stuff in the basement, I couldn't access my possessions in the living spaces, because of all the books in the way. Yes, I love books, honey. I adore them, yes, I do. But So. Many. Books. Including many I would never read.
I read aloud to him while he was getting chemotherapy, as he was dying.
And then he was gone.
It is hard. SO hard. It almost feels like I hear a scream of betrayal from Rob in the back of my mind whenever I try to get rid of a book. That's one of the reasons I created the memorial Little Free Library--it was one way to honor him and yet get rid of books.
But I couldn't possibly move enough books out of his collection through the library. It would take years. Decades. Centuries.
Eric and I have been thinking about the future. I am not sure what I'll do about the house, but he's made it clear he doesn't want to move in here, and I certainly understand that. Living in the house feels like living in a museum to the happiness of a family's life--but that family is now gone. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say it's a family that has changed and moved on.
I have been trying to cull and downsize my possessions, and so I've been trying to figure out what to do with all the books.
The girls won't take many. Fiona has decided to limit the number of bookcases she will put into her new house (undoubtedly taking notes from her parents' example), and Delia doesn't have space to put any. Uncle Hugo's is gone, and Dreamhaven certainly isn't going to take more than a few--Greg Ketter, Dreamhaven's owner, has told me that the generation that collected books is dying and/or downsizing their collections, and the secondary markets that catered to buying and selling used books for them are contracting and disappearing, too. Booktrader is gone, and Cheapo will only look at fifty books at a time and offers barely anything. The pandemic has reduced options even more: Hennepin County Library and the Minnesota Women's Book Project have stopped taking donations.
But I've found out that the Ramsey County Library is still taking books in three locations. Fine; Rob certainly was a supporter of the Friends of the Library projects; heaven knows he BOUGHT enough books from them. The only drawback is you're limited in dropping off no more than two boxes or bags at a time.
So I've been doing that. In the last week, I've made the forty-minute round trip three times, dropping off two boxes each time, each time grimly trying to turn a deaf ear to the protests of the agitated, ghostly Rob in my mind. I told my Friday coffee group that it would be easier if I were the sort of person who just read a book once and then never cracked the cover again. I have re-read some of these books, my mind traitorously whispers; shouldn't I keep them?
But no. For the ones I might want to re-read someday, sure, that's a risk, but if I haven't opened them in a decade, better to lighten the load and my life. I can always borrow them from the library or put them on my digital reader if I want to read them again. And there are some I've never read at all and I think I never will. A well-loved book is a map to the mind's thoughts at a moment in time. But I can still take those thoughts with me into the future, and release the book for someone else to read and enjoy.
Rob, I'm so sorry. I know you treasured these books. I have, too, but that doesn't mean that I have to keep them forever. I will always love you, but you are gone now, and I'm trying to create a new life for myself and space for a new future--with fewer things.
Books
Click here to read about the 52 card project and see the year's gallery.
Soooooo many books.
Like, thousands upon thousands of them. Rob LOVED to collect books and to get them autographed. I have already cleared at least a thousand books out of the house, and I still have nine floor-to-ceiling bookcases in the living room and dining room absolutely crammed with books. I have thinned out the stacks that were piled up on the floor because there wasn't enough bookcase room. There were still yet more boxes in the basement and garage.
Rob's attitude was that once a book came into the house, it could never leave again. PARTICULARLY if he had it autographed. And he had hundreds of autographed books--perhaps thousands. He loved going to conventions and meeting the authors and chatting them up, and he was so proud to get their books autographed. It was like a dopamine hit for him. And he especially loved to tell the authors he met, "My wife is an author, too; you should read her books!"
I mean, I got it, to a large extent. We met in a writing class, for heaven's sake, and yes, we bonded over books. I LOVE reading books. I went on to write novels, and I got a master's degree in English.
But still: sooooooo many books.
They were piled everywhere. In the corners of the living room and dining room and bedroom, with yet more boxes stuffed with books stacked against the wall. He would go to author signings at Dreamhaven and Uncle Hugo's and Once Upon a Crime. When I'd mildly protest about the money spent, he'd say "But honey! I got a first edition, AND I got it autographed! It's gonna be valuable someday!" He'd check out the remainder shelves at Barnes & Noble, and he'd go to the Friends of the Library Booksale and buy yet more books. "If you go at the end of the day they'll give you a whole grocery bag for just a dollar! And look--this one's a first edition! How could I pass it by?"
I actually started to worry about the structural integrity of the house due to the weight of all the books and bookcases. I couldn't get at stuff in the basement, I couldn't access my possessions in the living spaces, because of all the books in the way. Yes, I love books, honey. I adore them, yes, I do. But So. Many. Books. Including many I would never read.
I read aloud to him while he was getting chemotherapy, as he was dying.
And then he was gone.
It is hard. SO hard. It almost feels like I hear a scream of betrayal from Rob in the back of my mind whenever I try to get rid of a book. That's one of the reasons I created the memorial Little Free Library--it was one way to honor him and yet get rid of books.
But I couldn't possibly move enough books out of his collection through the library. It would take years. Decades. Centuries.
Eric and I have been thinking about the future. I am not sure what I'll do about the house, but he's made it clear he doesn't want to move in here, and I certainly understand that. Living in the house feels like living in a museum to the happiness of a family's life--but that family is now gone. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say it's a family that has changed and moved on.
I have been trying to cull and downsize my possessions, and so I've been trying to figure out what to do with all the books.
The girls won't take many. Fiona has decided to limit the number of bookcases she will put into her new house (undoubtedly taking notes from her parents' example), and Delia doesn't have space to put any. Uncle Hugo's is gone, and Dreamhaven certainly isn't going to take more than a few--Greg Ketter, Dreamhaven's owner, has told me that the generation that collected books is dying and/or downsizing their collections, and the secondary markets that catered to buying and selling used books for them are contracting and disappearing, too. Booktrader is gone, and Cheapo will only look at fifty books at a time and offers barely anything. The pandemic has reduced options even more: Hennepin County Library and the Minnesota Women's Book Project have stopped taking donations.
But I've found out that the Ramsey County Library is still taking books in three locations. Fine; Rob certainly was a supporter of the Friends of the Library projects; heaven knows he BOUGHT enough books from them. The only drawback is you're limited in dropping off no more than two boxes or bags at a time.
So I've been doing that. In the last week, I've made the forty-minute round trip three times, dropping off two boxes each time, each time grimly trying to turn a deaf ear to the protests of the agitated, ghostly Rob in my mind. I told my Friday coffee group that it would be easier if I were the sort of person who just read a book once and then never cracked the cover again. I have re-read some of these books, my mind traitorously whispers; shouldn't I keep them?
But no. For the ones I might want to re-read someday, sure, that's a risk, but if I haven't opened them in a decade, better to lighten the load and my life. I can always borrow them from the library or put them on my digital reader if I want to read them again. And there are some I've never read at all and I think I never will. A well-loved book is a map to the mind's thoughts at a moment in time. But I can still take those thoughts with me into the future, and release the book for someone else to read and enjoy.
Rob, I'm so sorry. I know you treasured these books. I have, too, but that doesn't mean that I have to keep them forever. I will always love you, but you are gone now, and I'm trying to create a new life for myself and space for a new future--with fewer things.
Click here to read about the 52 card project and see the year's gallery.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-20 08:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-20 09:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-20 10:50 pm (UTC)Best wishes with creating new space in your life.
here from network
Date: 2021-03-21 12:28 am (UTC)I like Better World Books https://www.betterworldbooks.com/go/donate
and I think the Women's Prison Book Program is still accepting nonfiction donations, and books from their wishlists? https://wpbp.org/donate_books/
Re: here from network
Date: 2021-03-21 02:18 am (UTC)Women's Prison Book Program won't take hardbacks, which is what Rob preferred to collect.
I tell ya, getting rid of books is so very difficult.
Re: here from network
Date: 2021-03-21 03:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 01:52 am (UTC)David and I used to be of one mind about books; then he went to reading as much as he could on his phone; then I realized that there really were some books I didn't need to have in the house any more. (My original stand had been, "But what if I get into an argument about them and have to back up my opinion?") So we have gotten as far as talking about reducing the book collection. We are actually completely out of bookshelf space and I do at least resist starting in on piles. Instead I have paper bags of books I personally can do without; but it's hard to get anybody else to sign off on this even though they are theoretically on board.
The only real progress is that I think very hard about bringing any new books in. I guess that's a start.
P.
P.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 01:54 am (UTC)Argh. YET MORE GUILT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 03:33 am (UTC)I'm not donating valuable books as a charitable gift to a Library Friends Group. I'm donating books I don't want anymore to get them out of my house. The alternative here is not "sell them individually on Ebay" (are you fucking kidding me, dude?) it's "mixed office recycling bin."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 11:37 am (UTC)Also if that library thinks it's not worthwhile and doesn't want to have the sales any more, that guy could just lobby for that within the group, rather than being a snot about it on twitter.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 11:35 am (UTC)And she burst out in startled laughter along with the tears and had to admit I was right, Grandpa was not a dictator with an iron fist, he was a beloved family member we could argue with, and sometimes he was wrong. Like telling us not to cry. I love my Grandpa, and it was totally typical of him that he didn't want any of us to be sad, but...he was wrong, we needed those tears. (Twelve years later, we sometimes still do. I know you know.) And having that as a touchstone when we've lost my dad and other family members is really useful for us.
You love Rob, and it was totally typical of him that he didn't want to let any book go, but it's okay for him to be wrong about that. I'm glad you're repurposing some of the space he used for that, and I'm sorry it's so hard logistically on top of how hard it is emotionally.
(I expect Half Price Books is a similar problem to Cheapo, but I have had good experience of the one in Highland Park. Also, their 50 book limit at HPB seems to be a pandemic thing, they didn't have any such limit before the pandemic, so there may be a light at the end of that tunnel eventually if you choose to go that way?)
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 04:58 pm (UTC)I also have a largish collection of media fanzine (fan fiction). Those are from small press runs, and have a certain rarity value. Not monetary, because the most desirable ones have generally been reprinted electronically, but the physical items have a certain virtue. I need to account for those in my will, because I know that it costs libraries significant money to accession them. (I do have an executor, but I need to do the paperwork.)
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 10:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 11:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 11:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-21 10:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-22 03:57 pm (UTC)K.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-23 03:53 am (UTC)Are the autographed books addressed to him, specifically, or just signed? I was thinking maybe you could sell some of the autographed ones on eBay.
(My husband refuses to give up books as well. He doesn't read much these days so at least he's not adding to the pile, but any book that he DID read, no matter how long ago, must stay. I only cull my own books.)