Breaking out into fiction at the day job
May. 6th, 2002 08:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrI work at a law firm. It's the custom here that when one of the attorneys has a birthday, his/her secretary brings in a cake or cookies or chips and dip. She'll send an e-mail around the office saying: "John Doe's birthday is today; stop by and have cake."
One of my attorneys' birthday was today. Here's the e-mail I sent out (name changed to protect the guilty):
Title: Why I was late to work today
A couple of months ago, Molly Henderson let slip a crucial bit of information: chocolate's okay, but what she really lusts after is Rice Krispie bars. Rice Krispie bars make her do a little tap dance of joy. So being a superior secretary--ah, scratch that, a superior Legal Administrative Assistant, I duly noted this tidbit of information on the calendar where I had already marked May 6 as Molly's birthday: "Bring Rice Krispie bars."
So there I was on 35W north this morning, about to pull off at the University Avenue exit, when I suddenly glanced at the seat beside me and let out an oath. "Oddsfish!" Yes, I had done it. I had left the pan of Rice Krispie bars behind on my kitchen counter when I left this morning. How could I disappoint Molly so? How could I let down such a fabulous boss? Impossible! I screeched across three lanes of traffic and vaulted over the center median (thank god for four wheel drive), leaving a chain reaction of collision, mayhem, destruction, and death in my wake, but what did it matter, I ask you? Rice Krispie bars were at stake! I raced back home, grabbed the loot, and got here to work a half an hour late. Why am I telling you all this? Because I think it's important to pay proper homage to Molly Henderson's birthday. It's important to pay homage to a pan of Rice Krispie that made me lose a half an hour's pay. And it's important to finish the Rice Krispie bars so I don't have to take them home again and endanger my husband's waistline.
Everyone stop by, grab a bar, and wish Molly a happy birthday.
>>>
Somewhat jazzier than the usual version.
Of course, this was partly based on truth (I did indeed leave the bars at home and have to go back for them) but what really pleases me about this story is the comic exaggeration involved. I love telling lies at work. I write the office newsletter on a web page--they stuck me with the job when they found out I've published fiction professionally. One feature I include every month is a column called "Rumor Has It" where I tell all sorts of lies about people in the office, the more outrageous the better. Example: when our receptionist celebrated her 30th anniversary with the firm, I wrote a Rumor Has It about how Jesse Ventura was trying to woo her to come work at the Governor's mansion.
"The people of Minnesota need you, Sandy," he said earnestly. He really does draw out the third syllable of 'Minnesota.' "I've been having trouble with the press. Don't always know when to shut my yap."
"I've noticed," she said grimly.
"I need someone like you to butter up with Minnesota nice, Sandy. Then I can hit 'em when they're not looking."
It's all a fun outlet that keeps me from getting too frustrated about having to put in the hours at the day job to pay the mortgage. I have a disclaimer at the bottom of each newsletter:
Peg Kerr lies professionally for fun and profit and has been known in the past to erupt into fiction. Upon demand, however, retractions will be cheerfully issued.
Apropos of nothing: A remark in passing from Delia (youngest) this afternoon on the way home from school: "My mind was stuffed with frogs today."
Cheers,
Peg
One of my attorneys' birthday was today. Here's the e-mail I sent out (name changed to protect the guilty):
Title: Why I was late to work today
A couple of months ago, Molly Henderson let slip a crucial bit of information: chocolate's okay, but what she really lusts after is Rice Krispie bars. Rice Krispie bars make her do a little tap dance of joy. So being a superior secretary--ah, scratch that, a superior Legal Administrative Assistant, I duly noted this tidbit of information on the calendar where I had already marked May 6 as Molly's birthday: "Bring Rice Krispie bars."
So there I was on 35W north this morning, about to pull off at the University Avenue exit, when I suddenly glanced at the seat beside me and let out an oath. "Oddsfish!" Yes, I had done it. I had left the pan of Rice Krispie bars behind on my kitchen counter when I left this morning. How could I disappoint Molly so? How could I let down such a fabulous boss? Impossible! I screeched across three lanes of traffic and vaulted over the center median (thank god for four wheel drive), leaving a chain reaction of collision, mayhem, destruction, and death in my wake, but what did it matter, I ask you? Rice Krispie bars were at stake! I raced back home, grabbed the loot, and got here to work a half an hour late. Why am I telling you all this? Because I think it's important to pay proper homage to Molly Henderson's birthday. It's important to pay homage to a pan of Rice Krispie that made me lose a half an hour's pay. And it's important to finish the Rice Krispie bars so I don't have to take them home again and endanger my husband's waistline.
Everyone stop by, grab a bar, and wish Molly a happy birthday.
>>>
Somewhat jazzier than the usual version.
Of course, this was partly based on truth (I did indeed leave the bars at home and have to go back for them) but what really pleases me about this story is the comic exaggeration involved. I love telling lies at work. I write the office newsletter on a web page--they stuck me with the job when they found out I've published fiction professionally. One feature I include every month is a column called "Rumor Has It" where I tell all sorts of lies about people in the office, the more outrageous the better. Example: when our receptionist celebrated her 30th anniversary with the firm, I wrote a Rumor Has It about how Jesse Ventura was trying to woo her to come work at the Governor's mansion.
"The people of Minnesota need you, Sandy," he said earnestly. He really does draw out the third syllable of 'Minnesota.' "I've been having trouble with the press. Don't always know when to shut my yap."
"I've noticed," she said grimly.
"I need someone like you to butter up with Minnesota nice, Sandy. Then I can hit 'em when they're not looking."
It's all a fun outlet that keeps me from getting too frustrated about having to put in the hours at the day job to pay the mortgage. I have a disclaimer at the bottom of each newsletter:
Peg Kerr lies professionally for fun and profit and has been known in the past to erupt into fiction. Upon demand, however, retractions will be cheerfully issued.
Apropos of nothing: A remark in passing from Delia (youngest) this afternoon on the way home from school: "My mind was stuffed with frogs today."
Cheers,
Peg
(no subject)
Date: 2002-05-07 02:11 pm (UTC)Just wanted to let you know I've been reading & enjoying. I don't know how you find time to do the writing -- I'm sure you keep your regular journal in addition to this one. And you want to write creatively! Keeping up with all the comments seems like another part-time job.
Now you know you have to keep your complaints about your family/relatives to a minimum! We're reading! Good luck!!!!
your FAVORITE sister-in-law,
heather