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52 Card Project 2022: Week 39: Foreboding
Oct. 1st, 2022 05:28 pmWe are past the fall equinox and I am definitely beginning to feel it.
My church has a service each year on the first week of October to remember people who live with mental illness. It has always felt very well-timed to me: from long experience, I have learned to pay attention to the inside of my mind at this time of year. I have started to notice a few red flags.
For example, one of my most reliable ones: when I cannot figure out what to eat. I will take an hour and a half to figure out what to cook for dinner. This is both annoying and a sign I have learned to pay attention to. It means I may be slipping into depression.
This past week I had a strong and deepening sense of foreboding, and it felt as though I was starting to move across an increasingly darkening landscape. It didn't help that I was working without my computer all week long (I finally got it back this afternoon after eight days). Everything took longer to do. I couldn't do my usual life maintenance stuff. I didn't have access to my files, my book manuscript, my music, my sources of entertainment, my mediation programs. To all the tools that I use to keep myself on an even keel.
What am I having forebodings about? I can barely bear to read the newspaper, even though I have always felt that I should as a conscientious citizen. Climate change, the war in Ukraine, upcoming elections, a Supreme Court run amok, and the stock market (my investments have taken a huge hit, and it's hard not to react in fear). It all seems awful as if things are moving that are poised to strangle my future and the future of the people I love.
No need for any alarm; I am aware and am taking responsible steps. I don't feel as if I am in bad shape--yet. But I am paying attention to the fact that my equanimity and my mind are definitely under stress.
Image description: A silhouetted figure of a woman walks along a road in the lower right, forward into a darkened landscape filled with gray semi-transparent threats. Lower left, a button reads "Midterm Elections." Center left: the Supreme Court building. Center right: a tank flying the Ukrainian flag. Upper right: a graph with a falling line indicator against the silhouette of a bear. Upper left: the head of a raven squawks at the woman.
Foreboding
Click here to see the 2022 52 Card Project gallery.
Click here to see the 2021 gallery.
My church has a service each year on the first week of October to remember people who live with mental illness. It has always felt very well-timed to me: from long experience, I have learned to pay attention to the inside of my mind at this time of year. I have started to notice a few red flags.
For example, one of my most reliable ones: when I cannot figure out what to eat. I will take an hour and a half to figure out what to cook for dinner. This is both annoying and a sign I have learned to pay attention to. It means I may be slipping into depression.
This past week I had a strong and deepening sense of foreboding, and it felt as though I was starting to move across an increasingly darkening landscape. It didn't help that I was working without my computer all week long (I finally got it back this afternoon after eight days). Everything took longer to do. I couldn't do my usual life maintenance stuff. I didn't have access to my files, my book manuscript, my music, my sources of entertainment, my mediation programs. To all the tools that I use to keep myself on an even keel.
What am I having forebodings about? I can barely bear to read the newspaper, even though I have always felt that I should as a conscientious citizen. Climate change, the war in Ukraine, upcoming elections, a Supreme Court run amok, and the stock market (my investments have taken a huge hit, and it's hard not to react in fear). It all seems awful as if things are moving that are poised to strangle my future and the future of the people I love.
No need for any alarm; I am aware and am taking responsible steps. I don't feel as if I am in bad shape--yet. But I am paying attention to the fact that my equanimity and my mind are definitely under stress.
Image description: A silhouetted figure of a woman walks along a road in the lower right, forward into a darkened landscape filled with gray semi-transparent threats. Lower left, a button reads "Midterm Elections." Center left: the Supreme Court building. Center right: a tank flying the Ukrainian flag. Upper right: a graph with a falling line indicator against the silhouette of a bear. Upper left: the head of a raven squawks at the woman.
Click here to see the 2022 52 Card Project gallery.
Click here to see the 2021 gallery.