Seeking coddling suggestions

[pegkerr]

Rob has recovered from the flu, physically, but it really knocked him flat, and I sense that he isn't quite back to normal. He says that he feels unfocused, as if he has lost all his momentum. I sense the need to coddle him a bit.

A couple of weeks ago, there was a snowfall, and his car was parked on the street, and I knew he was running a few minutes late, so I went and cleaned his car off before going to work myself. It was fun to give him that little surprise, and he told me later that he was really touched, that it got his day off to a good start.

Am curious and am looking for suggestions: what sorts of nice things do you do to show your partner you love him/her, esp. when you sense he or she is struggling a bit? I had mentioned The Couple's Comfort Book to kijjohnson lately, and I need to re-read it for ideas, but I'm curious to hear yours.

What do you do to nurture your partner?

Comments

[chernobylred.livejournal.com]

I make sure to cook at least one thing a day (at the least, either breakfast, or lunch, or dinner is not leftovers or restaurant food) for several days in a row, and I try to make sure that the things I cook are partner's favorites.

Backrubs backrubs backrubs.

Offer to watch a movie or TV (this is a big one for me) with partner.

Sew a new shirt for partner (not practical for most, I know).

Send silly/loving cards to partner's workplace.

[nmsunbear.livejournal.com]

I tend to nurture with food. There's nothing quite as comforting as being plied with hot drinks (a pot of tea or cup of cocoa is especially nice). I usually get up some time after Arne leaves, and when I occasionally make the effort to rise and have breakfast with him, he is very touched. Sending a nice lunch to work with him. Once when he was sick and particularly run-down at work, I sent him about five silly e-cards over the course of one day, just to try and keep his spirits up.

Good luck.

[nmsunbear.livejournal.com]

Oh! And soup, especially if he has a favorite. Arne's always cheered when I make him creamy chicken soup with green and black olives, his very favorite.

[liadan-m.livejournal.com]

I bake chocolate croissants from scratch. Or brownies. Or chocolate chip cookies. But i bake something with chocolate.

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

I haven't had a partner in thirty years, and you don't know me, but I'll answer anyway, because I remember:

When I was in love and Paul got sick with a cold, I slipped away early from the office at lunchtime and drove to the local Chinese restaurant, where they had fine won ton soup.

I took it in a carton to his (horrible) apartment, made him some hot tea, told him I loved him, and went back to the office hungry.

I caught his cold. It was worth it.

God, I was dumb. I even felt honored to catch it.

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

I make or buy the Tanuki his favorite foods, and let him watch his favorite flicks without complaining.

My long distance gf I send cards to every couple of days, and silly comics, and inexpensive trinkets that I know will make her smile.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

I insist on his taking care of himself. That is to say, it can take up to 20 minutes of nagging for him to go to bed when he's sick. Or to let me take over responsibility for supper. And I really do mean nagging.

Tell Rob to go take a long hot bath and come in partway through with a glass of brandy (or his tipple of choice).

[resqdog51.livejournal.com]

Stick 'I love this thing about you' notes in surprising places -- pocket, briefcase, on the mirror, wrapped around his razor, in his lunch box, on his pillow, tucked into his place in his current book.

Randomly walk up and hand over a treat -- like a hershey's kiss. Just walk up, put it in his hand, walk away, no explination.

....petting is always very nice. Head rubs, petting the head and neck... *grin* never ever underestimate the power of petting!


Cooking a favourite dinner, of course.


Foot rubs, hand rubs, neck rubs, massages.

Scenting his clothing drawers with something he likes -- cinnamon in my house. Nothing too gender-related or anything, just something he LIKES. Like... if he likes fresh cookies, put in vanilla. If he likes being outside, use some cedar or something. Same for his coats and hats. Not all of them, just some of them, but esp the ones he likes.

Random kisses -- walk up, snog, walk away. *grin*

Gifts are always nice...but can be expensive.


...Hmmmm there's my thoughts, anyway.

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

Mostly, it's food-related nurturing: I cook things he likes. I make big breakfasts (I hate cooking breakfast, because in the morning I really would rather lie around and read the paper). I bring back gourmet treats from the grocery store (like chevriot crumbles to put on his salad). I bake bread (although that nurtures me almost as much as it does him).

Nonfood: This sounds incredibly teenagery but I send him text messages on his phone. I bring Meg and lunch to his office sometimes (as he works 40 minutes away from the house, this is a huge undertaking and a large chunk out of my day). I watch movies he wants to watch, without (much) complaint.

Things like that.

[http://users.livejournal.com/anam_cara_/]

Insist on unloading groceries for them, tell them to take a bubble bath or hot shower while you unload the car and put everything away.

Warm up their towels while they are bathing, nothing is better than getting a warm towel from the dryer in the winter.

Give them alone time- get everyone out of the house for a few hours, or let them get out of the house and not worry about what needs to be done. A mini escape.

Sounds like he needs a day like the one you mentioned the other day, could you send him on a scavenger hunt of sorts? Go to this address, take time to smell the flowers, then go to this address and have a mini cake (or better yet, just tell the waiter his name, and have it already arranged and paid for), then to ... You get the picture.

[http://users.livejournal.com/anam_cara_/]

I agree, petting, affectionate touching can mean the world. In fact, that's how I determine when a relationship is over or has run it's course, if we don't want to make those subtle touches, well, it says a lot. So making the effort to do it more, makes quite a difference.

[demarazare.livejournal.com]

I think it's kind of specific to the person you want to spoil back to health, but here's what seems to work for my partner:

Gently rub his forehead, above his eyebrows and near where the ear joins the skull, with almost no pressure, but in small circle movements. My boy gets headaches when he's sick, but even if he isn't sick, it seems to be comforting.

Read aloud to him from his favorite book.

Tuck him in at night or for naps.

And I'd agree with what has already been said about comfort foods and guilt-free guy movie night. (For Justin, it's real maple syrup and Conan the Barbarian. To each his own.)

Since I'm in a long distance relationship, I also send letters, e-mails, phone calls, and drawings. I write short and bad poetry once in a while, too.

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

The Bemo responds best to a massage of some kind - usually feet, hands, or face. If he really needs spoiling, I break out the heavy duty massage oil and give him a really thorough backrub.

[aome.livejournal.com]

Buy "just because I love you" or cute, funny get well cards, and/or an inexpensive bouquet of flowers (ie mixed flowers or carnations or something). Who says men don't like flowers too?

I'll bring him tea or tuck a blanket around him, or pick up some of his favorite food as a treat (muffins from the bakery, ice cream from the store, pizza, whatever seems fitting). Offer a backrub or let him take a hot bath, or encourage him to call his twin (whom I refer to as his "other 'other half'").

[misia.livejournal.com]

Backrubs, headrubs, footrubs, all-over smoothing with a massage bar from Lush.

Being there with a towel when said sweetie steps out of the shower, once in a while. Also sometimes providing back scrubs.

Various food-related things, but particularly just making sure that particular preferences are appropriately provided-for.

Reading aloud. Telling stories.

Watching the sweetie's favorite movies/TV with em.

Letting the sweetie completely geek out with whatever the Geekery of Choice happens to be, without interruption.

In perigee's case, encourage him to invite his friends (most of whose wives/SOs will not allow them to have videogames in the house) for video game evenings -- they have a great time and I generally get a little time to myself at the same time.

Listen. Always.

[cloudscudding.livejournal.com]

What is this coddling of which you speak?

Hmm.

I bake brownies, make meals. Cuddle a lot. Tuck him into bed and kiss him on the forehead. Bring pillows and blankets to keep him warm (yes, this is when he's not sick). Practice my slapstick comedy routine. Go to bed whenever he does, even if it's horribly early--this is a Very Big Deal.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

The only thing I can think of that hasn't been thoroughly covered is taking on household tasks that are by tradition his.

Maybe putting clean sheets on the bed as a surprise.

[castiron.livejournal.com]

Footrubs, definitely.

Watching a movie that he really likes, even if it's not quite what I'd have picked.

Little things I like to do

[lostbutton.livejournal.com]

Neckrubs/footrubs while he's still half-asleep in the morning before I leave for work.

Taking his car out for a bath.

Doing some of "his" chores when he's not feeling well.

Making little snacks when he's busy working away at something (computer, paying bills, etc).

"Giving" him time alone to do something that he likes to do (we have a very small apartment. Alternately, time alone for the two of you with no distractions of tv, chores, tasks, etc.

Buying small inexpensive things that he'll like: paperbacks of short stories, a favorite treat, a favorite magazine, small silly tschokes.

Pick up a favorite liquor or beer that he doesn't often buy for himself (I do this for both my dad and my bf).

Notes/cards saying how much you appreciate them and how dear they are to you.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I know the little parts of living with charming me that make him crazy and I try not to do them (these are generally clutter-related). Also, make him a bath. Bring him tea. Offer cuddles.

K.

[dejaspirit.livejournal.com]

What do you do to nurture your partner?

I usually surprise him with a new X-box game, a truly selfless gift because I LOATHE that thing....

Or I cook a big meal complete with comfort foods like cornbread. His mother can't cook to save his life, so he especially loves when I do this.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

Rub his back.

"Let" him go play all-day board games with his friends.

Feed the cats when they're yelling at him. (When they were younger, same for "kids" instead of "cats.")

Be the one to get up early if something needs doing (like transportation for R) on a weekend morning.

Before he was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, I did food stuff, but now he monitors what he eats closely.

[splagxna.livejournal.com]

i think the things that seem to touch galeran the most are the things he could easily do himself in about a minute; what matters is not that i put a lot of effort into it (ie cooking a big dinner, although it's obviously appreciated) but that i took the time to think about it. like doing the chores that are 'his' or getting up to make him coffee (which i don't drink) while he's in the shower.

and backrubs never hurt, either.

[annieways.livejournal.com]

I'm not exactly a hopeless romantic, but . . .

Last one to take a shower in our house has to squeegie the walls. Sometimes I let him be the first one to take a shower.

If he's late in the morning and has to skip his run around the lake in order to catch his bus, I drive him to work so he has time to run.

This is hardly coddling...

[huladavid.livejournal.com]

...however, one of the better things I did when Bill (old boyfriend who moved to Las Vegas about a year and a half ago) where together I stopped making cute 'n witty word play first thing in the morning because it really _DID_ make his head hurt.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Sour Patch Kids.

Rye.

New socks (we both hate shopping, but I find it easier to shop for him).

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Other people have reminded me: I feed him, and I leave notes -- since he's working nights, and usually gets home while I'm still asleep, I leave them on the computer monitor.

[lisajulie.livejournal.com]

I'm with others here about leaving him notes. Nothing too soppy in case others see the notes, but just expressions of appreciation.

And towels warm from the dryer at the end of bath/shower (also socks and underwear - I'm a hedonist).

This next is involved and may not work for both of you, but if he listens to a tape/CD in the car, set it up so that the next time he drives, the player cues up a favorite song of his.

If he eats regularly at one place and gets the same thing for lunch, see if you can pre-pay for one day.

[gamps-garret.livejournal.com]

The things I have always done have all been covered, so I'll share one of the things my long-ago ex used to do for me.

Being obsessive compulsive about some things, I always have a list in my head of things that "must be done" as soon as I walk in the door. Basic stuff -- trash, recycling, change out the laundry, empty the dishwasher, straighten stuff, make sure I have everything needed for dinner, etc. And they all changed on a given day. If I wasn't feeling great, but was okay enough to go about normal day's routine, Nik tried to have all of the "little things" I always worried about taken care of within ten minutes of us being home. Though it was probably as much for her benefit as mine, I relaxed quickly and was able to just veg for the evening. :-)

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

The Nerd is oddly susceptible to silly half-baked original love songs sung to his voicemail.

Also tapioca pudding. He loves tapioca pudding. I cannot stand the stuff and making it is a huge pain, so it is special treat.

And of course I will add my voice to the general clamour of "Backrubs!" because nothing says love like giving yourself muscle cramps while taking away your spouse's.

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

Minimal effort: New book, toy, or gadget on the pillow. Extra allowance to play with (we each get 40 a month).

More effort: Do the household stuff he usually does, including more of the dropping/picking of Roo, cooking, and vacuuming. Make tea and/or coffee for him.

Most effort: The two above, plus some 'above and beyond' thing like clearing out an area of piles of craptastic household stuff (filing bills comes to mind, or putting pictures away in a scrapbook), or scrubbing something that's not on the list (like the microwave or stovetop).

[jbru.livejournal.com]

Now I'm picturing Conana covered in maple syrup. Erm ... sticky.