But if you see yourself as a writer . . . um, it's easy to finish that with "then you are one," but maybe that is too easy. If that is what you feel you are, then perhaps you should draw back and find time for it.
I am emotionally incapable of impartially addressing the issue about writing. My self-esteem is so tied up in "getting a book published by New York" and has been since I was a kid that I can't imagine any time at which I wouldn't be insanely working toward this goal . . . if I had ever had an agent, a mentor, any encouragement, or kind of legit publication, I would not be able to consider not submitting. But I do know this: if you no longer feel the creative drive, it isn't worth it. It's a lot of work (you already know this) and stress, and there's such a chance of rejection and belittlement . . . well, another creative outlet might be just fine. Writing fiction and selling it is much tougher than most other creative outlets in that your work is not respected unless you get "the big kahuna." Having a number of works that have been liked by no one but yourself gets kind of old. :) The reason most writers do it is that they need to expend the energy in that creative drive. If that need of yours is already fulfilled by other things, don't feel guilty that you don't write. It doesn't matter--if you have already published, you already have "been there" and you know whether you want it badly enough to put everything else aside and pursue it. The market is so tough, now that everyone and his horse has a computer and is writing a book and has access to critique groups. When I was eleven and pounding out stupid little stories on my dad's portable Remington and sending them to the New Yorker (sigh, but I got back priceless little scribbled encouragements on the rejection slips that I had kept up until my mother's house fire--things like "Sorry, but keep trying" and "You're getting there" from interns who obviously knew I was a rugrat and were trying to be nice-and I had English teachers who constantly said I was good, as well, which kept me deluded), I didn't have the kind of competition I have now. Now there isn't the additional obstacle of retyping pages with more than three errors, putting the paper in and getting it aligned, and all the physical hassle associated with doing it on the typewriter. It's so easy to edit, reprint, and submit. So now everyone tries to write a novel. *sigh* Well, I can't put them down because I'm swimming right alongside the rest of the unwashed masses, but I would say that if any other creative activity fulfills that drive, that need, DO THAT ONE INSTEAD, because it's bound to be less awful to live through. The music is an immediate reward of its own...the drawing is, as well, to some extent...the crafts definitely are (my friend knits, and no one says her stuff needs re-knitting or that her style is stupid. They are on waiting lists to receive her hats and tea cozies. Ugly or not. *grin*)
You are lucky to NOT have the pressure to "prove yourself." You have published books. When you say to people, "I write novels," you have proof. There is nothing else you need to do in order to prove yourself to people or show that you aren't making it up. If the pleasure of being in the flow state and turning out pages (and later revising them) is not there for you, then don't bother to do it. As I said, it takes so much work. And when you're in the middle of a book, either writing or revising, then you think about that all the time and will leap up from the dinner table or pull over while driving to scribble down a line of dialogue. This irritates whoever you're with. It eats up your life.
If you currently know editors who actually ask you what you have and say that they'd like to see it . . . well, I can't imagine being in that position, but I know that would make you feel guilty that you don't have anything to send. Still, it doesn't matter. You're not "throwing the chances away." You have simply moved on to another phase that fulfills you more. At least that's the way I see it.
But then I am no expert. Take that for what it is--a musing from someone who always feels she can give advice, for some crazy reason. :)
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Re: Your personal fulfillment vs your perceived responsibilities
Date: 2005-07-16 08:07 pm (UTC)I am emotionally incapable of impartially addressing the issue about writing. My self-esteem is so tied up in "getting a book published by New York" and has been since I was a kid that I can't imagine any time at which I wouldn't be insanely working toward this goal . . . if I had ever had an agent, a mentor, any encouragement, or kind of legit publication, I would not be able to consider not submitting. But I do know this: if you no longer feel the creative drive, it isn't worth it. It's a lot of work (you already know this) and stress, and there's such a chance of rejection and belittlement . . . well, another creative outlet might be just fine. Writing fiction and selling it is much tougher than most other creative outlets in that your work is not respected unless you get "the big kahuna." Having a number of works that have been liked by no one but yourself gets kind of old. :) The reason most writers do it is that they need to expend the energy in that creative drive. If that need of yours is already fulfilled by other things, don't feel guilty that you don't write. It doesn't matter--if you have already published, you already have "been there" and you know whether you want it badly enough to put everything else aside and pursue it. The market is so tough, now that everyone and his horse has a computer and is writing a book and has access to critique groups. When I was eleven and pounding out stupid little stories on my dad's portable Remington and sending them to the New Yorker (sigh, but I got back priceless little scribbled encouragements on the rejection slips that I had kept up until my mother's house fire--things like "Sorry, but keep trying" and "You're getting there" from interns who obviously knew I was a rugrat and were trying to be nice-and I had English teachers who constantly said I was good, as well, which kept me deluded), I didn't have the kind of competition I have now. Now there isn't the additional obstacle of retyping pages with more than three errors, putting the paper in and getting it aligned, and all the physical hassle associated with doing it on the typewriter. It's so easy to edit, reprint, and submit. So now everyone tries to write a novel. *sigh* Well, I can't put them down because I'm swimming right alongside the rest of the unwashed masses, but I would say that if any other creative activity fulfills that drive, that need, DO THAT ONE INSTEAD, because it's bound to be less awful to live through. The music is an immediate reward of its own...the drawing is, as well, to some extent...the crafts definitely are (my friend knits, and no one says her stuff needs re-knitting or that her style is stupid. They are on waiting lists to receive her hats and tea cozies. Ugly or not. *grin*)
You are lucky to NOT have the pressure to "prove yourself." You have published books. When you say to people, "I write novels," you have proof. There is nothing else you need to do in order to prove yourself to people or show that you aren't making it up. If the pleasure of being in the flow state and turning out pages (and later revising them) is not there for you, then don't bother to do it. As I said, it takes so much work. And when you're in the middle of a book, either writing or revising, then you think about that all the time and will leap up from the dinner table or pull over while driving to scribble down a line of dialogue. This irritates whoever you're with. It eats up your life.
If you currently know editors who actually ask you what you have and say that they'd like to see it . . . well, I can't imagine being in that position, but I know that would make you feel guilty that you don't have anything to send. Still, it doesn't matter. You're not "throwing the chances away." You have simply moved on to another phase that fulfills you more. At least that's the way I see it.
But then I am no expert. Take that for what it is--a musing from someone who always feels she can give advice, for some crazy reason. :)