Signed Fiona for black belt contract

[pegkerr]

I am, of course, suffering agonies over the decision. Is it a mistake? Will she keep her enthusiasm through the end? Will she be able to balance it okay with homework? Can we really afford it? (If Delia signs, too, it is going to be a real financial stretch for us.) Can I really resign myself to driving Fiona, maybe both girls, to the dojo four days a week? For years?

kiramartin's daughter next door has just signed too, and although she is a bit behind Fiona, I devoutly hope that between our two families, we will manage some mutual carpooling, once O. advances enough that she is in the same class with my girl(s) and so the burden will be a bit lighter.

Delia is hovering on the brink of signing, but is not there yet. Sensei tried to pressure us, saying prices were going up in February, but I had promised her that she could finish ballet and then decide, so I refused to be railroaded. She will have the time she needs to decide. I am looking at my checkbook with appalled disbelief and trying to figure out where second down payment for a second contract could come from. I lost a lot of my savings this past month on car repairs.

And there is a small part of me, I will admit, that is feeling--well. With no more scholarship, I can no longer afford to go myself. I will be doing all of the chauffering, I will be watching their progress enviously and will be making the lion's share of the financial sacrifice--but not for myself. I will be doing it for them.

Comments

[sraun]

I sympathize. I hope your girls are more appreciative of it than my younger step-daughter was when she was in high school. She thought nothing of asking Irene to spend 45-60 minutes driving out to Cottage Grove, chaffeur her around for an hour or two, maybe spending 5-10 minutes with her mom, and then having to spend another 45-60 minutes driving back. Yes - four hours of time away from home for a total of 5-10 minutes of mother-daughter time. And Katie thought this was fair. Getting through her head just how much of an imposition this was was one of my trials. It wouldn't have been anywhere near as bad if Katie had shown signs of understanding just how arrogant her attitude felt to me (and Irene confirmed the my feeling was accurate) - the idea that Irene's time was worth so much less than Katie's was just over-powering.

Could you use the time you spend waiting for them doing something for yourself, or do you have to be watching all the time? Maybe some handiwork, maybe notes for writing, maybe (probably very much a stretch) a laptop for writing?

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

Could you use the time you spend waiting for them doing something for yourself, or do you have to be watching all the time? Maybe some handiwork, maybe notes for writing, maybe (probably very much a stretch) a laptop for writing?

I have two friends with daughters in martial arts, and the friends do use the time to write -- by hand, laptop, whatever. It isn't always easy, and it's sometimes derailed by other chatty parents, but they persevere.

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

That's what I do - spend the class time catching up on reading or plugging away on the laptop. Once you learn to tune out the yelling it's a pretty zen time :)

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

the idea that Irene's time was worth so much less than Katie's was just over-powering.

This is very true of R with regard to both my and J's time. That wasn't the case with any of the other three, so I guess we count our blessings.

[fredcritter.livejournal.com]

Right now it stings, people. It really does.

Of course it does. *hugs*

…I will be watching their progress enviously and will be making the lion's share of the financial sacrifice--but not for myself. I will be doing it for them.

Its being the traditional hallmark of parenthood doesn't make it any easier or any happier. I hope it will, however, prove to be tremendously rewarding. Your girls being who they are, I suspect it will be … at least in the long run. Another *hugs*

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Thanks for those hugs. Pretty badly needed tonight.

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

Just a curious question: our dojo doesn't make anyone sign a black belt contract; if you want to progress to black belt you aren't allowed to make the decision or start the testing runs until 1) you're a brown belt and 2) you're at least 16 years of age. Sensei believes that a black belt must be both physically and mentally mature enough to earn and wear the belt. So I'm really interested to know how Fiona and Delia are going to achieve their black belts and when they will get them? It's a totally foreign concept to me from what our dojo has taught ...

Meanwhile, it's hard to give up things for our kids, but the long term rewards would certainly outweigh the short-term pain, especially if they are really learning something important and life-changing. Our sensei likes to quiz the kids: Is karate a sport? Is karate a class? ... No ... Karate is a way of life, he says, it's a choice you make and it teaches you lessons you can't learn in any other way.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I was wondering what the deal was with the black belt contract as well. Are you guaranteed one? How long does it usually take to get one? Do kids get a "junior black belt" (usually with a white stripe) and then re-test when they're older?

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

"Sensei tried to pressure us, saying prices were going up in February..."

I have to say that, as a martial artist, the above quote really bothers me. I know nothing of your dojo, but I personally would be very leery of any dojo or any sensei who seemed mostly concerned with how much money they can pull from my wallet. In fact, the idea of a special "black belt class" where you have to pay additional money also sounds odd. Can't you simply progress through the ranks via the normal classes? Certainly that's the way it is in my art (aikido).

I don't intend to sound negative, but...

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

As a fellow (although very lapsed) aikido practitioner, I feel the same way.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

I do not like it, but that is the way this dojo does things. I will say that the instruction is excellent (as best as I can tell with my admittedly limited experience.)

The rise in price was not much, $5 a month. And when I told him no, he added an addendum to my contract that said when/if Delia signs up, even if it is in a couple months, she will get the old price.

[aome.livejournal.com]

Out of curiosity, is this the only dojo within reasonable distance? Would it be at all possible to transfer to another one? Would the belts transfer along, ie if Fiona's a blue stripe here, would she still be a blue stripe at a new place? That money-commitment, this far in advance, doesn't sit with me well at all, and I have to wonder if there wouldn't be better dojos out there, more concerned with the art than the money.

Perhaps - and I know this is probably very raw consolation - you will get your turn when the girls are done. I went to college with a middle-aged woman who worked three jobs to put her daughter through school (she was a single mom) and once her daughter graduated - it was her turn. She lived in the dorms with us and everything, and then went on to grad school. So she DID get what she had wanted with her whole heart - just postponed.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Man. That's lonely. (I mean, it's great for Fiona. But still.)

(Hug.)

[callunav.livejournal.com]

Lot of reactions.

- Go Fiona! The part of me that doesn't take practical affairs into consideration is throwing a party for her, even as we speak.

- I'm...yeah. About the pressure thing. But you've said good things about your dojo in the past....This puts up my warning flags. It doesn't seem like enough reason on its own to go looking somewhere else (and maybe you can't, now, I don't know how the contract works) but it does seem like something to, well, keep in the balance. Because he *knows* you've been having financial pressures, and by this time he knows Delia, or he should, and knows that she jumps into things with both feet and then loses her balance and flails. I'm sure he thinks that Karate would be a fabulous way for her to mature, and he might be right, but...um...that was the wrong response on his part. It just was.

- Oh, crap, Peg. I don't wantyou to have to do it like this! I was a big believer in self-sacrifice when I was 13, but I'm not any more. You loved that. It was good for you. The sense of pride that came through in your posts about the dojo - your OWN work at the dojo - isn't like anything I've seen coming from you from any other direction. You took pride in your successes - and saw successes in more than just the things that won tests - and you took strength even from your failures. You're great martial artist material - you have it inside you already. The sacrifice of time and effort and money sucks. But the sacrifice of not being able to go back *more* than sucks. ... This makes me personally, viscerally unhappy. I hope some miracle happens. I know they don't generally, but that doesn't have to stop me from hoping for one.

Maybe I'm just making things worse. I'm really sorry if I am. But I felt like it just had to be said: if this is the only way to do it, then it is, and you'll manage - you'll manage beautifully - and sometime in the future the opportunities will open up and you can do this for yourself.

But I wish you could do it now. I wish I could pay for it for you.

[jemyl.livejournal.com]

I really feel for you with the expense, particularly since this is a pinch time for me, personally, and I remember it always seeming that way for our girls too. With them it was music lessons. Between them they played piano, clarinet, flute, frehch horn and coronet(trumpet). Only the flute was borrowed. The rest we managed to buy and I remember being ready to kick up my heels the day the last payment was made on the french horn. so, yeah, I know how that part feels.

Now, about your maybe wanting to do this yourself. I have a kind of sneaky way, idea, for you to maybe keep your hand in, keep in practice. If no one watches, you can take notes during their class and then, well, I was thinking maybe you could practice with them at home to keep it fun and they could show you their new moves *grin*. If you did this, maybe you could keep up, almost, with them so that when they were done, maybe you could continue or maybe, somehow, your senei would let you have a private test for at least the brown belt and then pay him part of the fee to test for the black belt, maybe after a few weeks of catch up class? It depends on whether or not having the belt becomes important to you or whether knowing the stuff is OK for now even though you don't have the belt yet. This is just a thought, but I'd think that maybe your notes and/or illustrations would also help the girls to remember. I'm just trying to find a way that you can have figuratively, a cupcake and still leave the whole cake edible. LOL

Hang in there! I think that the hardest part of being a parent is having to give up some things that we really want to do, or postone them for many years at the very least, so that our children can realize a dream or accomplish one of their goals. I know that it really does pay off down the line, but that doesn't make it easy, or any easier. Sometimes, by the time a parent can get the money and time to, finally, work on their own dream, the situation has changed again and for one reason or another that dream is not longer a desire of their heart. (Hope you don't mind if I still pray for a miracle for you.) Hugs and a hieeeyah! too.

[mayakda.livejournal.com]

If it's ok to ask -- how much is it per person?

[(Anonymous)]

There are those of us who'd like to help, but don't have any idea of the relevant amounts or whether you'd accept a gift. It hurts to hear your disappointment and not be able to do anything. I'm reduced to planning to wad up cash in a mailing envelope...

Even if you're not willing to give an estimate of the cost, would you consider getting an Amazon Honor System account?

[archmage45.livejournal.com]

There are a lot of us out here that do care, and would be glad to help out.

[jcberk.livejournal.com]

Right-o. You did not scream "no go away help is bad". A check is going in the mail tomorrow; I hope you will be willing to deposit and use it.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Ack. could you please hold off? I am going to do a post about this, and sensai is saying there might be a hope for scholarship money again.

[jcberk.livejournal.com]

Sure, will do. Glad to hear there's hope!

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Um . . . it's a lot.

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

I do hope you at least find a way to keep up a little private practice at home. Sometimes, I know from tai chi, it's impossible to find the room in a place where you don't feel self-conscious (Ie, people are in and out all the time), but if there's any way to ru through practice, don't give it up entirely.

And I'm a little with anonymous, right above.

[kiwiria.livejournal.com]

How far away is the dojo from your house? Is there any way the girls could go themselves? (really only possible if it's not far or if there's an easy public transport option, but I was wondering...)

I don't remember when it started, but by the time I was 12, if I had to go somewhere within biking distance, I had to go there myself, unless there was a really good reason not to. I don't know if it's something you could consider?

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

No, unfortunately, there is no public transportation--I've checked. And the road is very, very busy, too busy for biking.