I screwed up

[pegkerr]

Delia is bawling in her bedroom, as well she might, the wrenching sobs of a heart that is broken.

I was shown an invitation to a birthday party a week ago for Delia from one of her friends at school. I did not hang it on the clip on the refrigerator for upcoming events. I had the karate test at the dojo that I had to take pictures for, and I had to arrange for the girls to get picked up and dropped back off for the art workshop at the Heart of the Beast for May Day.

I forgot about the birthday party.

It was a Harry Potter birthday party, and a good friend, and Delia is embarrassed that she disappointed her friend and crushed that she missed the fun.

She's just a kid; it's natural that something like this would slip her mind. Rob never ever remembers things like this because of his memory problems; the responsibility in the family to remember things is always always mine. Yeah, that's unfair, but it's a cold and ugly fact of my life. Usually I do just fine at this responsibility so it's not a big deal.

This time I blew it.

I feel absolutely dreadful.

Comments

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor Delia. And I sympathize with you, as well.

[dejaspirit.livejournal.com]

Rob never ever remembers things like this because of his memory problems; the responsibility in the family to remember things is always always mine. Yeah, that's unfair, but it's a cold and ugly fact of my life

Me too. I hate it, and I fell oppressed by it and angry about it, but if I don't remember it, it's forgotten.

Things like this happen. Don't be too hard on yourself. There are far greater sins. Perhaps you can invite the girl over for a sleepover to make up for it? ::hugs:::

[wildflower150.livejournal.com]

I was going to suggest the same thing. Maybe have the other girl over for a special night?

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

Maybe it will end up being a learning experience. Poor kid today, though.

[aome.livejournal.com]

I'm the Memory in this household, too, so my sympathies. I could say things like "She can explain to her friend" and "This too shall pass" for both of you, but it doesn't make it the slightest bit less miserable for either of you at the moment; completely understandable that you'd each feel this way. For now - hugs for all, and a wish that tomorrow you both can forgive.

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for you both!

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

[tiellan.livejournal.com]

Well, at least Delia can blame you for missing the party. That sounds glib, and I don't mean to make you feel more dreadful. I mean rather to suggest that at least she won't feel complete guilt for having missed it, and she can maybe save face with her friend by blaming you. Maybe you and she could talk about something special she could do for her friend (and that you could do for her) to make up for the missed party?

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

That's terrible for both of you.

Being the Memory is one of those family compromises; the adults and often the children as well pick up roles they're not completely happy with, but it's necessary to make things function. Which makes it especially unpleasant when something goes wrong in that area. Sympathies.

[splagxna.livejournal.com]

i understand your feeling of having screwed up - it's a responsability you assigned to yourself. at the same time - given how much you do, you should give yourself a break and a little forgiveness,.

[kiwiria.livejournal.com]

I can fully relate - I'm the memory of our household as well. I'm so sorry for both of you.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am sorry.

(And am totally dreading that part of my future responsibilities. Aigh. How do you do it? [An unanswerable question, I know --- don't even try.])

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

If either J or I were the designated Memory around here, we'd be in a lot of trouble. This short-term memory business only gets worse as one gets older, even if one stays sharp in all other ways.

We both have PDAs, and for years in the kitchen we've had one of those "family" (often called "mother's!!!) calendars with spaces for each member of the family (although when B lived here, we had to fudge, because the calendar presumes that a "family" has no more than 5 members). The calendars we've had for several years are the Sandra Boynton ones, because we love her cartoons, but there are others.

This calendar is very visual: the entire month is laid out, and one can immediately see if different family members have events on the same day.

IMHO, nothing more, take it for what it's worth, the girls are old enough to write their own events on such a calendar. Sooner than you'll believe possible, they'll be in college, and they can't rely on you then to be their memory for what class they have when and who's throwing the kegger on Saturday. Time management is a learned skill, and as far as I know, the only way to learn it is by doing it.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Wow... I'm sorry that she is broken hearted over missing a birthday party.

Maybe you could be in charge of putting things on the calendar, and the girls could take turns reading to the family that day's commitments every morning. I'm a big fan of calendars at the moment, as mine is really helping me stay organized.

K.

[carbonelle.livejournal.com]

Perhaps Delia could write a letter, on nice paper, apologizing, describing how terrible she feels, and mail it to her friend?

As a gesture of sincere regret, it's hard to beat.

[dreadmouse.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry Peg, that's rough. Letting down the people you love is always hard to take. (I do my share of forgetting, so I know how you feel.) You do so much for them, though, and I'm sure that the girls know how much you love them and that you would never cause them pain on purpose. I hope Delia feels better soon.