Alternative Dispute Resolution

[pegkerr]

The following is an excerpt of an actual order handed down from a court in Florida which was passed around the office today, to everyone's amusement:

This matter comes before the Court on Plaintiff's Motion to designate location of a Rule 30(b)(6) deposition. Upon consideration of the Motion--the latest in a series of Gordian knots that the parties have been unable to untangle without enlisting the assistance of the federal courts--it is

ORDERED that said Motion is DENIED. Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit: at 4:00 p.m. on Friday, June 30, 2006, counsel shall convene at a neutral site agreeable to both parties. If counsel cannot agree on a neutral site, they shall meet on the front steps of the ____________ U.S. Courthouse, [address] Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one (1) game of "rock, paper, scissors." The winner of this engagement shall be entitled to select the location for the 30(b)(6) deposition to be held somewhere in ________ County..

It is so fun to watch when the judge finally has had enough.

Comments

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

*judge love*

[cammykitty.livejournal.com]

Excellent! That's how 6th graders handle disputes. I'm sure one of the parties is going around whining "that's not fair" just like a 6th grader too.

It makes me think of "The Four Generals," a Chinese story about how a Prince avoided war. The last general decreed that all court cases would be settled by a bow and arrow marksmanship contest. So all of the townspeople began taking up archery, and their enemy saw this and didn't dare attack again.

[king-tirian.livejournal.com]

Heh. All he needed to make this complete was to add that he would send his balliff down to the front steps of the courthouse at 4:00 on the 30th and if he saw the two of them together he was deputized to dope-slap them.

[lostbutton.livejournal.com]

... and watch the lawyers argue over whether or not paper beats the rock. That was always a dispute in my neighborhood with that one kid who just couldn't stand to loose...

[lostbutton.livejournal.com]

Gah! *lose* not *loose*

[aerden.livejournal.com]

LMAO!!! Well, it's a lot less lethal than pistols at dawn. :D

Chantal

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

Oh. I have to make sure that J and also stevekennedy (my bro who is sheriff's deputy and courtroom bailiff) see this one.

J has a couple of clients whose cases he refers to (to me) as "Flake v. Flake."

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

While you're at it, show him the website for the law firm Powers Phillips, PC. Especially check out the back issues of the Bitches from Hell Reporter.

[mmmgood.livejournal.com]

Too funny!

I hope you don't mind, I made reference to entry in my journal because I'm sure my friends list will get a kick out of it.

[rutemple.livejournal.com]

oh, that's fabulous.

Some time after moving out to the wilds of CA from MN, I learned that the local kids out here play it as "rochambeau" with the soft 'sh' on the 'ch' there. I have no idea where it came from, but the age-old problem of when do you "go" is solved in the playing while chanting "Row, row, ro-sham-BO" when each player displays their choice of rock-scissors-paper.

I double-dare either attorney in the aforementioned case to file a motion requesting the best two out of three...

[kate_nepveu]

See also:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/09/us/09judge.html/partner/rssnyt

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Nicely reported by the World Rock-Paper-Scissors Society, too.

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

LOL
I think I love that judge. Thanks for the laugh!

[eal.livejournal.com]

Drats. They're not going to come to Tampa to do it. That? Would have been really funny!

M

[jemyl.livejournal.com]

Ummm I live in Florida, in a very rural county. That would be about par for the course around here. Sometimes, the only thing Bubba gets is rock, paper scissors. Three cheers for the judge!