If you stopped writing for a long time

[pegkerr]

If you stopped writing for a long time--and I mean a LONG time, on the order of several years--and then managed to start again successfully, I would like to hear a little about your experience. Why did you stop? What did you need to resume? What prompted your resuming? Did you fret about not-writing when you were not writing? Were you afraid that you had given it up for good? When you resumed, how long did it take you to have faith in yourself?

Comments

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Heya, Peg! I don't know if I'm the sort of person you want to hear from about this, as I'm just a hobbist and not a professional.

But I used to write a lot, all the time, and then I stopped because...well, I decided I wasn't going to do it anymore. I didn't think I was good enough, and I just got dragged in other directions. I felt a little sad about it, because it felt like a big change in who I was, but I also felt confident that I had left it for the right reasons and that I had found something better for myself.

And I didn't start writing again until I was in a phd program and a pit of despair because I hated it so much and didn't entirely recognize it. I started writing fanfiction on a whim. There was no pressure, no particular goals; I just wanted to write something, and so I did. And then I realized how much I enjoyed writing, which showed me how much I didn't enjoy the phd program, so I quit. But not to write, I don't think I could ever a) make a living writing, or b) cope with having writing as a full time job. I think I would sink back into despair and hate it as much as I came to hate academic work.

I'm not sure if it's the pressure to produce something good or the aloneness that stresses me out the most at the idea of writing full time (or about being an academic). Self-imposed pressure and the solitary existance is a lot of what I didn't like about the phd program, so I try to keep away from getting too sucked into that particular lifestyle. Writing is such a solitary task, even when you can share it with others. I think, for me personally, that this particular activity needs to be checked by a real, social job where I can feel like I'm making a contribution and helping people. Then it's okay to spend a few days completely by myself with a manuscript. In fact, it's pretty relaxing and satisfying that way.

So that's the track I walk now. I work full time, and I write when I can. Now I love both things! This summer I'm taking off every Friday and calling it my writing day. Best of both worlds, in my opinion, but again, I'm not a professional. (Yet.) ;)