Thinking . . .

[pegkerr]

Have been thinking about kijjohnson's journal bio: My goal is to be the bravest person I know.

Is that a goal of mine, too? Should it be?

How would that work for me?

Comments

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

Honey, you already are one of the bravest people I know. You're raising two wonderful girls in a very uncertain time, and you're working at a job you don't particularly like and aren't that well-suited for, just so you can provide for your family and set an example for your daughters. You've written an amazing, heart-felt book and you share your life with everyone who's privileged to know you. You dare to show your daughters what life can and should be like for them, no matter what conventional wisdom says, and you're laying a foundation they'll never stray from. You're fucking amazing, in my book.

How does it work?

[arian1.livejournal.com]

Be not afraid. Be strong in your heart, even when the choice you face is one that would be easier done in not choosing. Know that we are all stronger than we can possible imagine, and then a step beyond that. Know that from the most painful of choices, there does spring new hope and direction.

And most of all, know that when you think you cannot walk anymore, someone will always be there to help you. Even if you cannot see it at the time.

That is how it works. That is how it has to..

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

From what I've seen of kijjohnson on lj, she seems to be approaching this goal the right way, not the wrong way: that is, by letting the bravery of the people she knows spur her to new heights, rather than by dropping the acquaintance of anyone who might turn out to be braver than she is. (Only now sometimes the heights are literal for Kij.) Inspirational rather than competitive -- allowing other people to show you open doors where you thought there were high, solid walls.

It's not a phrasing/approach that would work for me at all -- too much resonance with when I was the smartest girl in school, which was far less interesting than being one of a group of smart friends is as an adult -- but from here it looks like Kij is doing a good job of letting it open her to possibility where she might have thought there was none without this particular kind of mindfulness.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

The phrasing of it as "bravest I know" bothers me too, because it's so competitive.

The way I phrase the similar thing I that I want to be the best Jo I can be -- I don't want to be someone else, I don't want to be the best at any particular skill or virtue, I want to be the best possible version of myself. I fall short of that a lot, regrettably.

[redbird]

Yes. In that framework of being the best Vicki I can be, I'm not especially working on bravery, but it would be "bravest Vicki I can be" ("smartest," "most honest," "most loving", and "most patient" would be higher on my list). And if that led other people I know to also try to become more of what they do well and want to do well, some of which would overlap, that would be a good thing. But they wouldn't all be the same things: I know people whose lists would probably include "most musical," and mine is unlikely ever to.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I agree with that. It'salways possible to be the best version of yourself. But as any athlete, brawler, or musician knows, there's always someone out there who's bigger or tougher or has better technique.

I would drive myself crazy trying to be the bravest person I know. But I do try to be the bravest possible Rachel.

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

One of the stock rules for soldiers is "never share a fox-hole with anybody braver than yourself".

I, too, am bothered by the comparative/competitive aspect of the phrasing.

[huladavid.livejournal.com]

Is that a goal of mine, too? Should it be?

I dunno. Do you want it to be? Are you brave enough to stand up to being called courageous?

What I mean, is... well, people have called me brave, and I just didn't see it. How brave is it to loose your mind?* And it's kind of threatening to be thought of as brave, but at the same time it's.... If you can see yourself as brave & believe it, it's like getting a hit of pure oxygen.

I just want to be the bravest me I am.
__________
*This is an exaggeration. It's not the cracking up that involves bravery, it's the rebuilding and maintenance.

But generally speaking...

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I find that it helps if you don't define courage as the lack of fear. I define it as acknowledging fear, but not making it a factor in decision-making, and by that I mean not making it a factor either way. I try to neither avoid actions because they frighten me, or perforn them in defiance because they frighten me. I try to do things or not do them based on whether I want to do them, what I want to get from doing them, and what the actual risks are, without reference to fear.

[darkthirty.livejournal.com]

This is central to our lives, every day, and so easy to miss, to set aside, until some "safer" time in the future. Each day there are challenges, and ways to respond. The central role of courage in the HP books is exactly why I love them so.

[avylou.livejournal.com]

I have been trying to be a braver person, too. The following quotation struck me as being both meaningful and practical to me.

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."

~Mignon McLaughlin

[liadan-m.livejournal.com]

A friend and mentor has the motto "Metus Meos Obsto", or "I face my fears." She's encouraged me to work with this myself, and it's helped. People tell me I'm brave, and I generally don't believe them...I'm just me, and often very, very scared. But I keep Olga's words in mind, and deal with the fear with the support of my family and friends. In that sense, I think you are brave, because you acknowledge your fears and work with and on them until you can function as you want to. That is bravery.

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

I have chosen the goal I wish. Your mileage may vary.

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

I suddenly realized how you might read that, hon. I'm not peppery about you. I know you have always supported and encouraged my choices and goals, whatever they were, and that you don't question my ability to manage this one, as well.