pegkerr | Best Holiday Letter Evah (Reply)

The holiday letter I always always always look forward the most to receiving each year is sent out by my college buddies, Jon and Lisa Lewis. Lisa was the matron of honor at my wedding. They are very good friends and screamingly funny people. Here is the first paragraph of this year's letter:

The question is, when you tell the story about the dead body on the beach in Costa Rica, do you lead with the dead body, get the horrified gasps, and then the requests for additional detail? Or do you start slow? Do you first talk about the hermit crab in the shower and the decision to release him into the wild? Then do you follow with the walk to the beach early in the morning, the rocks exposed by the ebbing tide? You can then introduce a note of suspense by mentioning the large object on the rocks and the speculation about whether it was a seal, and then segue into an extensive discussion of whether they even have seals in Costa Rica. Then, when their eyes are glazing over with boredom, you wallop them with the body--metaphorically speaking, of course. Walloping them with the actual body would be difficult, especially given the condition it was in. At first, we favored the slow approach, and embellished substantially on the details. Now we just say, "Vacation was great. We found a dead body on the beach." Been there, done that. No one has been able to top it, however, which is the mark of a great vacation story. No matter how nice the hotel, how great the meal, how friendly the natives, someone else has always had it better. Or even worse, when you tell your tale of woe, someone has always suffered more. "Yes, I remember the trip we took to Paris. We were set upon by pygmies, tied up, smeared with honey, and forced to watch the Indy 500 while listening to a kazoo band." Kind of takes the wind out of your sails when all you have is the story of your lost luggage, a lumpy mattress, and some mimes.

And that is just the first paragraph.