Some things my parents did that helped me become independent (though I lived at home during most of my university education, so I didn't need to be independent quite so fast):
-Helping out with all the chores. Everyone was assigned their own chores for the whole family (e.g., my dad did the laundry, I folded and put it away, my mom cooked dinner, I washed dishes, my brother dried them, etc.), but at any given time I could be asked to take over or help with someone else's, because they were extra busy or it was their birthday or whatever. So by my late teens I knew how to cook some basic dishes, wash and dry dishes, do all steps of laundry, clean the bathroom, vacuum, dust, etc. My parents also made sure to show me the less frequent home maintenance type things, like how to reset the fuses if one burnt out.
-Financial independence. I had my own bank account from when I was ten or so. My mom set up a pattern of saving 50% of my earnings toward university, and when I had enough set aside, placing that money in GICs. By the time I had my first summer job (16) I was using it on my own, other than a little prompting from my mom to keep up with the GICs. (Granted, I was a very responsible kid, so I never considered *not* saving all of the 50% and lying about it.) Around 17, my mom started giving me a clothing allowance on top of my regular allowance (the latter was dependant on the chores I did), and only bought major clothing items like shoes and coats for me--the rest I had to look after myself. As I was working more, my parents also started expecting me to pay for more things in general by myself. When I was 16 I paid for half of a laptop I really wanted; when I was 18 I bought a new computer system with all my own money.
-Social independence. I was never a wild kid, so this was probably pretty easy for them to do. But in any case, my parents were always pretty flexible about my social life. I theoretically had a curfew, but I rarely wanted to stay out that late, so it rarely came up. If there was a dance at school, they would happily let me stay until the end of the dance, provided I had arrangements to get home. I could go to any friend's house, regardless of how well my parents' knew that friend, as long as I left contact info. They knew I'd been responsible, and they rewarded me for that by giving me quite a bit of freedom, which I think led to me feeling confident and independent. They also generally kept their less positive thoughts about my friends and boyfriend to themselves, unless they thought it was really important or if I brought it up.
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Date: 2007-01-09 03:43 pm (UTC)-Helping out with all the chores. Everyone was assigned their own chores for the whole family (e.g., my dad did the laundry, I folded and put it away, my mom cooked dinner, I washed dishes, my brother dried them, etc.), but at any given time I could be asked to take over or help with someone else's, because they were extra busy or it was their birthday or whatever. So by my late teens I knew how to cook some basic dishes, wash and dry dishes, do all steps of laundry, clean the bathroom, vacuum, dust, etc. My parents also made sure to show me the less frequent home maintenance type things, like how to reset the fuses if one burnt out.
-Financial independence. I had my own bank account from when I was ten or so. My mom set up a pattern of saving 50% of my earnings toward university, and when I had enough set aside, placing that money in GICs. By the time I had my first summer job (16) I was using it on my own, other than a little prompting from my mom to keep up with the GICs. (Granted, I was a very responsible kid, so I never considered *not* saving all of the 50% and lying about it.) Around 17, my mom started giving me a clothing allowance on top of my regular allowance (the latter was dependant on the chores I did), and only bought major clothing items like shoes and coats for me--the rest I had to look after myself. As I was working more, my parents also started expecting me to pay for more things in general by myself. When I was 16 I paid for half of a laptop I really wanted; when I was 18 I bought a new computer system with all my own money.
-Social independence. I was never a wild kid, so this was probably pretty easy for them to do. But in any case, my parents were always pretty flexible about my social life. I theoretically had a curfew, but I rarely wanted to stay out that late, so it rarely came up. If there was a dance at school, they would happily let me stay until the end of the dance, provided I had arrangements to get home. I could go to any friend's house, regardless of how well my parents' knew that friend, as long as I left contact info. They knew I'd been responsible, and they rewarded me for that by giving me quite a bit of freedom, which I think led to me feeling confident and independent. They also generally kept their less positive thoughts about my friends and boyfriend to themselves, unless they thought it was really important or if I brought it up.