Yesterday's Borowitz Report

[pegkerr]

Bush Seeks to Ban Marriage Between Fictitious Gay Characters

Harry Potter Revelation Prompts President’s Move

Just days after "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling revealed that the popular professor character Albus Dumbledore was gay, President George W. Bush told the nation that he would seek a ban on fictitious gay weddings.

In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.

"In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction," Mr. Bush said. "This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran."

While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.

And in attacking the Mr. Dumbledore’s right to wed, Mr. Bush may have raised the ire of one of the most militant constituencies in the U.S.: Harry Potter fans.

Jude Ralston, 34, one of over 5,000 Potter devotees who dressed as Dumbledore to protest the president’s speech outside the White House last night, said that Mr. Bush could be playing with fire: "Harry Potter fans take these things very seriously, and we don’t have anything else going on in our lives."

As for Dumbledore’s gayness, Mr. Ralston said that he had overlooked obvious clues the first time he read the books: "I, like, totally missed that scene in the airport bathroom."

Edited to add: Oh yes--and for those who honestly wondered there for a moment, this is a satire. See here.

(Pretty sad, no, when that isn't immediately obvious to anyone thinking about the Prez and what he might say or do?)

Comments

[kiwiria.livejournal.com]

Please tell me that this isn't for real, but is satirical - similar to The Onion??????

[serenya-loreden.livejournal.com]

Not that I'd put anything past the Shrub, but it is indeed satire. Borwitz was the winner Of The First-Ever National Press Club Award For Humor according to his site, this seems to be his usual style.

[kiwiria.livejournal.com]

*phew*! Thanks.

[aeditimi.livejournal.com]

Hehe! If only it were son-- anything to keep him from nuking Iran!

[aeditimi.livejournal.com]

er, *so*, if only it were so. I can spek the eenglish as good as der presidint.

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. Thank you.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

For just a moment when I say the title, I thought this might be serious. How sad is it that this is what I have come to expect of the government...

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

No kidding.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

He certainly has said things as equally as stupid as this.

[tizianaj.livejournal.com]

I honestly thought this might be real too. Nothing seems too dumb to attribute to George W.

[dreamflower]

While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.

*snerk!* Uh, yes...

For a half a second, when I saw the headline, I actually thought...

*sigh* Kind of sad isn't it?

[elfundeb.livejournal.com]

Ah! A Jasper Fforde moment to lighten my day! Many thanks, and I'm sure Thursday Next will be on the case shortly.