(no subject)

[pegkerr]

She's crying her heart out and I can't comfort her. Everything I say only makes it worse.

She's told me she wants to cancel the party because there's nothing to celebrate anyway. She has been very brave about everything--perhaps hoping that she would get well in time--up until this afternoon, when it became clear that she wouldn't. That's when the dam broke.

This is just awful.

Comments

[msavi.livejournal.com]

Awwww, man. :(

Hopefully she'll feel better after having a good cry? I feel badly for you both.

[eal.livejournal.com]

Poor kid. I know I keep saying it, but it's all I can come up with.

I've been there, except for me it was a chance to see Dorothy Hammill skate after she'd won the Olympics. I developed a severe ear infection right before the ice show and I didn't get to go. I don't think anything my parents could have said would have made me feel better either.

It's frustration and pain and anguish and all that stuff; the best you can do here is just be there when she's ready and don't try to fix it. Wait a few days, she may decide she wants to have the party as a YAY I'm healthy again thing, but, then again, she may not.

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

Just let her be. There's nothing anyone can do to comfort her right now. Let her get this out. She's learning a horribly painful lesson that we all must learn: when you make plans, life laughs at you. For whatever reason, the black belt test was not meant to be. Give her time to mourn and try some cold canned peaches, if she's up for them. Those and popsicles feel wonderful on a sore throat.

So sorry this happened. Poor kid. And poor you.

*hugs*

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

This sounds like good advice. But... damn.

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

Growing up hurts, doesn't it? Poor Delia.

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

Poor kid...

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

As an adult, I know that the world won't end. But to a kid, things like this seem like the end of the world and it hurts so much. I feel for her. She's had the suckiest week I've heard of in a long while. I hope next week is amazing. She deserves a break, I think.

(which makes me think of the old McDonald's ditty: you deserve a break today... so get up and get away to McDonalllllld's....)

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Tux cat always helps.

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

I wish it helped Delia too. If I could send her a stuffed Tux cat, I would. Everyone needs a lovey.

[(Anonymous)]

could it be mono?

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Unlikely. She tested positive for strep, and the blood tests at the hospital were not indicative of mono.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

She's alive and not in the hospital or worse. Testing will come around again. The important thing is that she's recovering.

silent witnessing

[sophie-spence.livejournal.com]

Everything I say only makes it worse.

As a mother of daughters near in age to yours, I know exactly how much you want to say the right words to comfort your child, but I also know that just being there - sitting with her quietly, aching with her, knowing without having to be told how important it is to her - is often the best comfort you can provide. Silent witnessing really does help.

*sympathy to Delia, best wishes to you both*

Re: silent witnessing

[spoonriverrider.livejournal.com]

God, yes. Because all the things people say - "You'll feel better soon", "There will be another test", "Just be glad you're getting better", and even "Don't cry" - can all be taken as meaning, "This is not important. And the fact that it matters so much to you implies that you're not very important either, not as an individual." Even when they're not meant that way, it can be easy to hear that, especially when you're already upset, and especially when you live in a world (though not a family!) that does give kids that message often.

I think spending the time to sit there with her and not trying to stop the grieving might be the best way to send the opposite message.

Re: silent witnessing

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[corinnethewise.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: Poor Delia. That's just terrible. I hope she feels better soon, at least, even if she will miss her test.

[weaselmom.livejournal.com]

Poor girl. The worst thing is that, unlike us grown-ups, she just can't put it in any perspective at all. This upset is such a proportionately larger part of her life than it would be of ours, and it must seem like her world is falling to pieces. I can only wish for her that she'll be able to look back and say, "I got through a really rough time and I'm strong."

[kayselkiemoon.livejournal.com]

I wanted to send out a big hug, to Delia and to you and Rob and Fiona. it sounds like you're going through hell, and I'm praying that you come up and out of it soon. it is good that she seems to be moving through it!

I came down with the stomach flu at Wiscon, this past Sunday, so I've had recent experience of my own with having many-hour stretches of vomiting and fever, feeling utterly miserable and emotionally wiped. it must be much harder for her, as a child, to put the missed test and celebration in perspective, and gosh knows when you're in this sick state any perspective is hard to come by. I'm glad she has you to be there, and hug her and sit with her and understand. we're all thinking of you.

[naomikritzer]

This just sucks. :-(

[aome.livejournal.com]

*gathers you both in a deep hug*

Perhaps - once her mood has shifted and she's on the way to recovery again, another purpose could be assigned to the party. Like - end of school? Or heck, even Being Completely Well Again. (Because, at this point, that would be a seriously good reason to celebrate, all by itself.) Maybe she could come up with a fun theme - doing everything backwards (clothes, eat dessert first, walk backwards, learn pig latin), or baking (everyone top their own pizza or pretzels or cupcakes) ... something to rescue the occasion and turn it into another event she would feel like celebrating, with the sense of promise that the original party will still happen when that time finally comes. Not something to mention now, of course, while things are still so bleak, but in a few days, perhaps?

The Consolations of Ceiling Cat

[bohemianspirit.livejournal.com]

I don't suppose a round or two of Ceiling Cat Loves Me will really help, but it might give her a giggle or two, in the midst of her grief, and that can only be therapeutic.

Frankly, I am just immensely relieved that she is on the mend. I know how terrifying it is to have a child be "scary sick," and have been sending every good thought your way! As you know, I work overnights; I spent the last two nights at work keeping Delia in mind and frequently checking via cell phone for updates. One good thing about being awake in the middle of the night. ;-)

On the medical front, I realize it's a long shot, and I'm no doctor, but if any of Delia's symptoms resemble meningitis, it might be worth looking into it, if only to rule it out. Twenty years ago I got hit with what I thought was a very stubborn flu that wouldn't go away, and wouldn't go away, and several weeks into repeated doctor visits and increasing doses of ibuprofen for the Headache From Hell, one doctor thought to have me tested for meningitis. One spinal tap later, it was confirmed: a mild case of viral meningitis. "Mild," in the context of meningitis, is a relative term--I was utterly miserable and utterly incapacitated for several weeks more, and took several months to regain my strength--but I lived, with no apparent brain damage. (Insert snarky comment here.) And I made up the college courses I'd had to drop, and eventually graduated anyway.

And though she's not ready to hear it, the fact that Delia is missing this test does not take away the fact that she is still black belt material: She will continue to practice, she will continue to grow stronger and better, and when she does get her black belt, it will only be formal recognition of the reality she has already achieved. Pass that on to her when she's truly ready, again, to hear a pep talk.

[jane-dark.livejournal.com]

I commented once before about your recipes, but I've been checking in since your first post about Delia's illness, and it's awful. I'm so sorry that you're all having to go through this, and I can see exactly how the postponement of the belt test would be horribly, horribly disappointing. Especially after four days of prolonged illness.

I really hope that you and she are able to get some closure soon, whether through medical explanation, or better yet, improvement. And that somehow, some sort of perceptible benefit will appear that will make the fact of being held back seem a little less miserable. I don't know what that would be, but I'm hoping for you all anyway.

[moondancerdrake.livejournal.com]

It's all so unfair. can her test be resceduled at all. Surely they must understand the situation. Poor dear. Send her gentle hugs from all of us Drakes.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

She'll have to wait until the next city-wide black belt exam, which will be next September. There's no getting around it. :-(

[moondancerdrake.livejournal.com]

That sucks! Well, she'll knock there gis off no sweat then for sure.

[tinymich.livejournal.com]

My heart is breaking for Delia -- the poor girl. I feel awful on her behalf.

Words can't do anything right now, but hopefully hugs and sympathy and love will help her get through this.

[amethistdolphin.livejournal.com]

lots of hugs and well wishes. I hope she feels better. Pineapple is also good for a sore throat.

Hugs all around

[dragonet2.livejournal.com]

and Healing wishes all around.

Everything seems like forever and eternal at that age. And you just have to roll with the pain and let it pass.

[pinkfinity.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor Delia. I have no advice better than what's been said above - hugs and being there for her will help her get through this crushing disappointment. And hugs for you too - we are all, as you know, here for you too.

[kiwiria.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry for her. I've been there, (although mine was just a concert with NKOTB (just dated myself I think) where I ended up in the hospital having surgery on my leg instead :-/ ) and it absolutely sucks.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

*hug* That sucks.

You know, I'm an adult. I know all of the things about "testing will come again" and "at least I'm not dying," but if I were in her shoes, I'd be sobbing my eyes out too.

[cathschaffstump.livejournal.com]

Poor little girl. Time will help.

Until then, she's lucky to have you for comfort.

Catherine