Peg Kerr's Journal

Rob's been through his third chemo. He's tired, but doing okay, but then the buffering drugs are about to run out, so he expects he'll feel worse in the morning.

Delia is crispy/fragile. In fact, we are starting to wonder whether she has mono. AGAIN. (If so, it would be the third time in three years). She has been suffering from lowgrade fevers, and an outbreak of hives on her hands. And difficulty concentrating. And wobbly moods. She sees the doctor tomorrow and will get the test then.

I, too, feel genuinely crappy. I blame the shingles vaccine I received this weekend. It was a good idea--I've already had shingles twice--and my doctor recommended it. But still. I am achy and all I want to do is curl up in bed.

Um. Anyone open to going out with me on Friday night? It's been a long time since I've had a friend along on my Friday nights out. I am too broke to spend very much, but I could use some friendly company.

Badly.

Ur?

I went in this morning to wake Delia up for church. She was groggy, and I stared down at her in sort of a stupor and then put my head down and rested my ear on her chest. 'I can hear your heartbeat,' I said quietly.

And then I started to cry.

I have been so sick for so long. I'm not depressed. But my body is giving out. I went off some medication last fall, and it was the right decision, but it's screwed up my ability to sleep. Badly. I thought it was getting better, but the past few nights I've been down to four or five hours a night again. The Sleep Cycle app I purchased for my iPod has told me one bit of information: I seem to be unable to enter the deep sleep stage in the second half of the night.

And the asthma. That's been going on since November. I've purchased another humidifier for work. The cough is a little better, I think, but I'm so worn out that I can't tolerate even the lighter cough. On Friday, I was trying to push a Berger cart loaded with files, and I had such trouble breathing that I ended up abruptly sitting on the floor. The stamina that I had honed through getting my black belt and doing P90X is COMPLETELY gone. Needless to say, I haven't bounced back from having the flu, either.

Today, it was just like I somehow hit the wall. I was crying throughout the day at the drop of a hat, and I felt so lethargic that I just couldn't face getting out of bed. I am having difficulty with everything. Making decisions. Keeping up with life maintenance stuff.

All I want to do is lie in bed or hang out in the bathtub to steam my lungs.

Fiona had stayed over for the night. Rob ran them to church for me, and I went to bed and managed to get a bit more sleep. Rob had to go to work at 1:00, but once the girls came back from church (a church member brought them home) they were very comforting.

I asked the girls to put my name on the church's prayer chain. I need prayers.

This sucks.

Edited to add: Yes, I have seen my doctor, and yes, I am being treated, with inhalers.

Just flu, apparently. On top of asthma.

And now we've had a call asking us to come pick up Delia at school. She's falling sick, too.

Urgh.

Besides the fact that I've been barely sleeping lately (due to going off a medication I've been on for years), I've been tormented for the past month and a half or so by a non-productive cough. I went into work today, but I only managed about four hours of sleep last night, which made me feel nauseous, and when I started coughing, I almost put my head down on my desk and cried. Instead I went home. I didn't dare sleep, for fear of not being able to sleep tonight, but I did get in to my clinic and saw a doctor. The verdict: a flare up of asthma. I've had this intermittently. I know what caused it this time, too: they were doing construction in my office a couple of months ago, and I'm sure that my respiratory system got inflamed by all the dust hanging in the air.

I have to pay full price on my medications until I reach my deductible. The inhalers she prescribed cost me $200.00 at the drug store. Ouch.

is negative. Well, she could still have mono, in the early stages, too early for it to show up on the test. But hopefully not. Anyway, clearly she has some virus that is making her feel punk. We hope she will shake it quickly. Fingers crossed.

Fiona stayed home, continuing to sleep off the benedryl.