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pegkerrI am absolutely furious with my own body.
For the most part, we get on pretty well. Usually. I'm pretty healthy, and although I'm noticing the effects of aging, I keep myself in rather good shape, if I do say so myself. I never had any serious body-acceptance issues. I managed to get pregnant pretty much when I wanted to do so. I've never had any serious medical problems. And in return, I don't piss my body off very often. I don't make it a habit to go out and get drunk, I eat healthy, I get enough sleep, I'm diligent about exercise.
There is something just base-level survival about being able to breathe, and I am livid that my lungs are not willing to cooperate with something that I need to stay fricking alive. That I usually manage every day without even thinking about it. But for the last four days, I can't breathe without going into paroxysms of coughing that tears at my throat and hurts my ribs and brings me to the verge of vomiting. Hundreds of times an hour. I just want to backhand my own body into next week for being so uncooperative. Which is really stupid when you think about it. I can't get anything accomplished; I can barely think.
Not sure if I'm going in to work tomorrow. If I go, I'm sure as hell not biking. I couldn't even walk down the block to the National Night Out gathering for root beer floats tonight without leaning heavily on Rob's arm.
Just f*cking breathe without choking to death, goddamn you.
For the most part, we get on pretty well. Usually. I'm pretty healthy, and although I'm noticing the effects of aging, I keep myself in rather good shape, if I do say so myself. I never had any serious body-acceptance issues. I managed to get pregnant pretty much when I wanted to do so. I've never had any serious medical problems. And in return, I don't piss my body off very often. I don't make it a habit to go out and get drunk, I eat healthy, I get enough sleep, I'm diligent about exercise.
There is something just base-level survival about being able to breathe, and I am livid that my lungs are not willing to cooperate with something that I need to stay fricking alive. That I usually manage every day without even thinking about it. But for the last four days, I can't breathe without going into paroxysms of coughing that tears at my throat and hurts my ribs and brings me to the verge of vomiting. Hundreds of times an hour. I just want to backhand my own body into next week for being so uncooperative. Which is really stupid when you think about it. I can't get anything accomplished; I can barely think.
Not sure if I'm going in to work tomorrow. If I go, I'm sure as hell not biking. I couldn't even walk down the block to the National Night Out gathering for root beer floats tonight without leaning heavily on Rob's arm.
Just f*cking breathe without choking to death, goddamn you.
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Date: 2008-08-06 04:33 am (UTC)This is something I can identify with. I am deathly allergic to cats (which is a sadness-making thing I would not wish upon anybody) and when I say Deathly, I mean, Deathly. My pharmacist recommended I talk to a doc about getting prescribed an epinephrine needle or some such device. (Although we have discovered that I can take Zyrtec EVERY DAY and my reactions are much much lessened. But only if I have taken Zyrtec for at least a week or two preceding exposure. My quality of life has actually gone way up since I began to take Zyrtec every day.)
But a lot of people wouldn't understand that I couldn't come over to their house for a simple game night, even for a couple of hours, because a couple hours exposure meant coughing for the next 24 hours, and about five hours til my chest stopped feeling tight. I once slept overnight at a friend's house with cats, and was sick for a week.
It's very frightening and infuriating not be able to breathe normally, or to at least have to remind yourself, "Now I inhale, long and slow, now I exhale, long and slow," and every breath is like a lifetime of fear wherein you wonder what happens if that next breath doesn't come. Or if you sleep propped up with pillows because you literally can't lie down.
My friends: Hot tea (or alternately cold slushy drinks--one sorta numbs, the other soothes) and warm showers. Also when I'd get really bad, I'd put a heating pad on my chest and vapor rub myself.
(If you aren't suffering from allergies, might I suggest checking out caffeine intake? Or find out if you've been causing extra acid production with dietary choices? I have two known issues with my body--allergies and my GERD. And my GERD was identified when I had breathing issues after a few weeks of hyper-secreting acid with too much caffeine and crappy diet. Basically all the acid surged up into my esophagus and caused all kinds of imflammation which tightened the blood vessels around my lungs and made me feel like I was about to pass out or stop breathing. It may be something else entirely, maybe the suspected allergies, but your description of the vomiting feeling rang a bell.)