Argh

[pegkerr]

I am absolutely furious with my own body.

For the most part, we get on pretty well. Usually. I'm pretty healthy, and although I'm noticing the effects of aging, I keep myself in rather good shape, if I do say so myself. I never had any serious body-acceptance issues. I managed to get pregnant pretty much when I wanted to do so. I've never had any serious medical problems. And in return, I don't piss my body off very often. I don't make it a habit to go out and get drunk, I eat healthy, I get enough sleep, I'm diligent about exercise.

There is something just base-level survival about being able to breathe, and I am livid that my lungs are not willing to cooperate with something that I need to stay fricking alive. That I usually manage every day without even thinking about it. But for the last four days, I can't breathe without going into paroxysms of coughing that tears at my throat and hurts my ribs and brings me to the verge of vomiting. Hundreds of times an hour. I just want to backhand my own body into next week for being so uncooperative. Which is really stupid when you think about it. I can't get anything accomplished; I can barely think.

Not sure if I'm going in to work tomorrow. If I go, I'm sure as hell not biking. I couldn't even walk down the block to the National Night Out gathering for root beer floats tonight without leaning heavily on Rob's arm.

Just f*cking breathe without choking to death, goddamn you.

Comments

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

You feel so helpless when you can't breathe. All your strength, endurance, courage, healthy mean nothing when you can't breathe.

I'm so sorry.

[lavendersleeves.livejournal.com]

My intro-biology prof explained that allergies are when your body (incorrectly) assumes foreign matter to be a threat to your health, and attacks it as if you were sick. She further pointed out that people who suffer from allergies are far, far less likely to get gut worms. Likewise, people who have the greatest incidence of hook-worms are the least likely to suffer from allergies.

http://www.news-medical.net/?id=21178

This probably doesn't lessen your distress, however.

[blpurdom.livejournal.com]

If you're still having that much difficulty breathing while on the Advair the doctor did a lousy job of diagnosing you and determining what would ease your breathing problems. When I had to be rushed to the hospital last year because of bronchitis the ER doc prescribed the Advair, a fast-acting inhaler (now they come without the CFCs) and a one-week course of steroids, rather than antibiotics. You start off taking six per day, then five, then four, etc. They come in a step-down bubble pack with explicit directions on what time of day to take them. I suggest going back to your doctor and asking about some more effective anti-inflammatories if you STILL cannot go without coughing for any significant amount of time. That's just ridiculous.

[pixelfish.livejournal.com]

First things first: I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It sounds pretty rough.

This is something I can identify with. I am deathly allergic to cats (which is a sadness-making thing I would not wish upon anybody) and when I say Deathly, I mean, Deathly. My pharmacist recommended I talk to a doc about getting prescribed an epinephrine needle or some such device. (Although we have discovered that I can take Zyrtec EVERY DAY and my reactions are much much lessened. But only if I have taken Zyrtec for at least a week or two preceding exposure. My quality of life has actually gone way up since I began to take Zyrtec every day.)

But a lot of people wouldn't understand that I couldn't come over to their house for a simple game night, even for a couple of hours, because a couple hours exposure meant coughing for the next 24 hours, and about five hours til my chest stopped feeling tight. I once slept overnight at a friend's house with cats, and was sick for a week.

It's very frightening and infuriating not be able to breathe normally, or to at least have to remind yourself, "Now I inhale, long and slow, now I exhale, long and slow," and every breath is like a lifetime of fear wherein you wonder what happens if that next breath doesn't come. Or if you sleep propped up with pillows because you literally can't lie down.

My friends: Hot tea (or alternately cold slushy drinks--one sorta numbs, the other soothes) and warm showers. Also when I'd get really bad, I'd put a heating pad on my chest and vapor rub myself.

(If you aren't suffering from allergies, might I suggest checking out caffeine intake? Or find out if you've been causing extra acid production with dietary choices? I have two known issues with my body--allergies and my GERD. And my GERD was identified when I had breathing issues after a few weeks of hyper-secreting acid with too much caffeine and crappy diet. Basically all the acid surged up into my esophagus and caused all kinds of imflammation which tightened the blood vessels around my lungs and made me feel like I was about to pass out or stop breathing. It may be something else entirely, maybe the suspected allergies, but your description of the vomiting feeling rang a bell.)

[cammykitty.livejournal.com]

Get well! I've had asthma all my life,so whenever I get sick, I'm always afraid it will go into my lungs. That's absolutely miserable! Ginger tea? Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't.

[naomikritzer]

Peg, please go to the doctor tomorrow. Asthma this severe is a big deal. There are MANY possible treatments for asthma, both oral and inhaled, which may help you more than the Advair is currently. There are also allergy shots to decrease sensitivity to pollens, although that's more of a long-term project.

It sounds to me (based on your bronchitis/asthma/lung misery of winter and now this) that your asthma is a semi-recent thing, something that was diagnosed in the last few years. My guess is that your doctor gave you the Advair inhaler because it dealt with the asthma at the level you were suffering when you were seen that time; however, it has gotten worse since then, and you need different medication.

Also, sometimes lung problems have a root cause like GERD, where your lungs are being torn up by digestive fluids that are wandering out into areas they're not supposed to be; this makes them much more vulnerable to other irritants. (I had a college friend whose asthma went from life-threatening to no big deal when his reflux was finally treated.) (Beware of Reglan, though; they started with that one and he went from chipper to despondent inside of 24 hours. Fortunately his girlfriend realized it was the drug, and not an actual existential crisis, and he was back to normal 48 hours later. They found another drug to treat the reflux.)

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I third the recommendations for another doctor visit. Because breathing is fundamental.

(Also because the current drugs clearly aren't working and there do seem to be alternatives.)

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

Don't be mad at your body. All your symptoms are your body fighting off the bugs that have invaded. Take it out on the bugs. Your body's doing you a great favor, though I'm sure it doesn't feel like it now!

If you don't have an inhaler, call your doctor and GET ONE. You'll feel SO much better and the coughing and wheezing will stop.

*hugs and jasmine tea*
*and cupcakes, because who doesn't love cupcakes?*

[aome.livejournal.com]

I would go back to the doctor and demand to be re-evaluated. You should be getting SOME relief with whatever treatment you have. I'm actually beginning to wonder if you've contracted walking pneumonia or something, that your lungs are objecting so violently. *gentle hugs*

[shandra.livejournal.com]

I've had lung problems all my life - pneumonia 14 times, bronchitis way more, and asthma as a child. So from that perspective just a couple of things:

- you do need to pursue this. It may take quite a bit of trying things out to find the treatments that will work best for you, and I know you don't need more stress right now. But in my experience until you get it controlled, it will be lousy and only make you more susceptible to more problems.

- it is actually biochemically normal to feel angry and anxious and not be able to think when you can't breathe; it's your body going into overdrive to get you to fix the problem. It's your lizard brain taking over to ensure your survival. That doesn't make it go away but you can remind yourself that this is instinct coming at you, not weakness or irrationality. It is very rational for your brain to pump adrenaline into your body so it keeps breathing.

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

I have a low-grade asthma, which makes sinus-blocking colds especially dangerous.

I find pranayama exercises very helpful both in preventing and in dealing with respiratory ailments.

[irinaauthor.livejournal.com]

I felt like that last year and it turned out we had mold in our apartment. Is your house clear?

The doctor wound up giving me these superpills that looked like little yellow bath beads. They numbed my lungs (seriously) and I could breathe properly until the pills wore off. No coughing or anything. They did make me a little sleepy, but it was worth it. Maybe your doctor could give you something similar?

[awelkin.livejournal.com]

Is this a talk to the doctor thing?

Catherine

[huladavid.livejournal.com]

Boy, can I understand this. I had a...I dunno, pain spasm, I guess after my surgery, and I clenched up tighter than a frightend clam, and could NOT relax, which only prolonged things. I knew I needed to untense, but I just couldn't until I got some anti-angxiety meds in me. And with all this I could only take shallow breaths. Thankfully I was on oxygen, which helped me mentally. Er, knowing that I had extra oxygen streaming up my nose kept me from being even more anxious.

[eal.livejournal.com]

Peg, I'm begging you please go to the doctor. This level of breathing difficulty is an indicator that the Advair on its own isn't working and you need to get help and get it as soon as possible.

I nearly killed myself because I thought I could handle my breathing difficulties on my own since I was taking my Advair and using my inhaler. Now that my asthma is more controlled, I can't believe I let it get as far as I did before I did something.