Reading with Harry Potter Tarot
Apr. 29th, 2013 07:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrSince yesterday was my birthday, it seemed like an auspicious occasion to try a tarot reading. I've been thinking about Harry Potter a lot lately, since I've been so involved in Alternity, so I decided to use my Harry Potter deck. I became curious to know whether there were any Harry Potter spreads, went Googling, and found this one, which I liked a LOT, the Quidditch Spread:
So I've been fretting and grieving over this. Unable to stop thinking about it, really. And after almost a week of being almost unable to sleep or eat, I have been considering my tendency to do what psychologists call 'ruminating' or turning things over and over and OVER in my mind, past the point of helpfulness. I've come to recognize that I need to stop this behavior; it simply adds to my stress enormously without doing much that is helpful.
So my question posed was: Given this painful situation, how do I quit ruminating about it and move on, taking what I need to know to become a better person instead of tormenting myself about it?
The designer of the spread called the Chaser cards "Points or goals." When I did the spread, they seemed to be more "Points about the present situation."
I laid out the cards and started the reading by drawing the first Chaser card: Justice (Umbridge) Reversed.
Umbridge is holding her blood quill. The well-thought out book that accompanies the deck explains: "This card is a little guilty of sacrificing traditional meaning to the artist's personal whim. Basically, this is a joke at the expense of good old Alistar Crowley, who drew up the figure of Maat for the Toth Tarot. Maat's feather became the attribute of Justice in Crowley's deck.
Well, Umbridge is meting out her own warped justice with her sadistic feather detention treatment, and so she made the cut for justice, standing before the great Ministry seal that warns offenders that ignorance does not excuse any wrongdoing. Of course, if Justice also stands for the retribution for creating bad karma, at least Umbridge can serve as a case study and a warning."
This timing in my drawing this card was particularly striking: we JUST got rid of Umbridge in Alternity the night before. The book that accompanies this Harry Potter deck does not discuss reversals, so I checked another one of my books to see what's said about Justice reversed: An unwillingness to see reality. Concealed truth. Lack of accountability. Considering my painful situation, this seemed spot on.
And then it hit me, looking at the quill that Umbridge was holding: ruminating over the situation is just like digging into my own hand with Umbridge's blood quill. I have been struggling to figure out how to stop, but it occurred to me: Umbridge says that you must write those lines because justice demands it, but digging into your flesh like that doesn't teach anything. It just puts scars in deeper and deeper. In the case of the Harry Potter books, Umbridge was trying to punish/'teach a lesson' because of something she thought which wasn't even true. Perhaps all the hard things I had been telling myself, that I used to cut myself with, were not the whole story, even though my inner Umbridge insisted that they were.
Second Chaser Card: The Moon (Moony and Padfoot), Reversed
The moon hints at confusion, sleeplessness, encountering shadow, illusions leading us down wrong paths. I hurt my friends perhaps because I was confused, I misunderstood the situation. The book also says: "The Moon card sometimes urges us to go below the surface of what scares us and to explore our beliefs and fears." When talking with one of my mentors about this situation, I told him, "I'm not used to thinking of myself as a cruel or cutting person. It's awful." That's my shadow side that I fear: I'm arrogant. I'm cruel--and my cruelty springs from sheer carelessness. I only hurt people. I suck at relationships. The card also made me think of my insomnia, and about Moony and Padfoot's long estrangement, and the fact that Sirius ended up in Azkaban, cut off from his friend, partly because of his own arrogance and rashness.
Third Chaser Card: Death (Veil at Department of Mysteries), Reversed
Well yeah, forced to change. A relationship I prized is over. The book talks about how it can be like a snake shedding its skin. I looked up the meaning of the reversal: Loss, devastation, trying to maintain a no longer working status quo. I also thought about Harry's reaction to the events at the Ministry. He spent a lot of time suffering/ruminating over Sirius' death, didn't he? There was that whole scene with Nearly Headless Nick that boils down to: you have to accept the devastation and move on. If you don't, you'll only have a half life.
First Beater card was definitely a Bludger: 7 of Disks: Failure (The killer opal necklace at Borgin & Burke's)
Emptiness, loss, misery. From the book" "If you are already in the middle of a disaster, don't follow false hopes, be realistic and face the consequences." Well, I think I have been doing this: I have accepted the fact that the relationship is over.
Note that this incredibly bleak card is the first one in the reading which is NOT reversed. In fact, it is the only one in the entire READING which is not reversed.
Second Bludger: The Star (First years coming across the lake at Hogwarts), Reversed
The Star card is all about hope. Reversed, it's another bludger: Hopelessness, despair, delayed serenity, drained energies. All true!
Keeper (what blocks or stops you): The Chariot (Hogwarts Express), Reversed.
Reversed meaning: moving too quickly, riding for a fall, the end justifies the means, insensitivity to others' needs.
Seeker (Reward or outcome): Strength (Hermione and Buckbeak), Reversed
Reversed meaning: Afraid of own passions, unwarranted or uncontrolled force. Well, again, it doesn't seem like the card reflects the spread position but instead is a description of the present situation.
This was, actually, looking at the card meanings, one of the bleakest readings I have ever done. But then it has seemed like a very bleak week, and the reading felt spot on and definitely gave me some valuable--if painful--things to think about. And it gave me one particularly important insight, about the issue that prompted the reading in the first place.
My rumination is like Umbridge's blood quill punishment.
The thing to do is not to keep carving admonitions into myself.
The thing to do is to PUT THE QUILL DOWN. Accept the lesson, as painful as it is, learn what you can from it, and move on.
Another thought: I WAS reading the reversals. It might be interesting to look at the reading again ignoring the reversals: in that case, for example, the Star card becomes a card of hope again; a helper rather than a bludger.
I dunno. It's painful, but I think I learned more by taking the reversals into consideration.
Edited to add: After doing this post, I logged into my Carrot App (see my post about it here). Carrot is ticked with me because I have failed to check off anything for an entire day. When I finally checked off one item, Carrot tartly informed me, 'No one will ever love you again.'
"...I realize that the format of the Quidditch players would make a good spread. It has Goals, Helpers, Blocker, and of course the Golden Snitch oops I mean reward.For my question, I thought about a painful situation which had arisen the past week: I made a dreadful mistake in a personal relationship which led to a permanent breach. Essentially, I chose words without sufficiently considering how the message might be taken, and in doing so, I really hurt several people who have been very kind to our family. I was absolutely mortified and ashamed about this (I'm a WRITER, I should know how to use words for the effect I want, not to wound through sheer carelessness), but the other parties were so furious that I was told, 'Never approach or speak to us again.'
QUIDDITCH:
-------1a-------
------------2a--
3------1b-------
------------2b--
-------1c------4
1-Chasers: Points/Goals
2-Beaters: Bludgers/Helpers
3-Keeper: Blocker/Stops you
4-Seeker: Reward/Outcome
While making this I then realized that a Quidditch "Match" would be appropriate. To give you a better insight to a problem involving two people. 5 through 8 mirroring the first four cards.
-------1a------8------5a-----
------------2a-----6a--------
3------1b-------------5b----7
------------2b-----6b--------
-------1c------4------5c-----"
So I've been fretting and grieving over this. Unable to stop thinking about it, really. And after almost a week of being almost unable to sleep or eat, I have been considering my tendency to do what psychologists call 'ruminating' or turning things over and over and OVER in my mind, past the point of helpfulness. I've come to recognize that I need to stop this behavior; it simply adds to my stress enormously without doing much that is helpful.
So my question posed was: Given this painful situation, how do I quit ruminating about it and move on, taking what I need to know to become a better person instead of tormenting myself about it?
The designer of the spread called the Chaser cards "Points or goals." When I did the spread, they seemed to be more "Points about the present situation."
I laid out the cards and started the reading by drawing the first Chaser card: Justice (Umbridge) Reversed.
Umbridge is holding her blood quill. The well-thought out book that accompanies the deck explains: "This card is a little guilty of sacrificing traditional meaning to the artist's personal whim. Basically, this is a joke at the expense of good old Alistar Crowley, who drew up the figure of Maat for the Toth Tarot. Maat's feather became the attribute of Justice in Crowley's deck.
Well, Umbridge is meting out her own warped justice with her sadistic feather detention treatment, and so she made the cut for justice, standing before the great Ministry seal that warns offenders that ignorance does not excuse any wrongdoing. Of course, if Justice also stands for the retribution for creating bad karma, at least Umbridge can serve as a case study and a warning."
This timing in my drawing this card was particularly striking: we JUST got rid of Umbridge in Alternity the night before. The book that accompanies this Harry Potter deck does not discuss reversals, so I checked another one of my books to see what's said about Justice reversed: An unwillingness to see reality. Concealed truth. Lack of accountability. Considering my painful situation, this seemed spot on.
And then it hit me, looking at the quill that Umbridge was holding: ruminating over the situation is just like digging into my own hand with Umbridge's blood quill. I have been struggling to figure out how to stop, but it occurred to me: Umbridge says that you must write those lines because justice demands it, but digging into your flesh like that doesn't teach anything. It just puts scars in deeper and deeper. In the case of the Harry Potter books, Umbridge was trying to punish/'teach a lesson' because of something she thought which wasn't even true. Perhaps all the hard things I had been telling myself, that I used to cut myself with, were not the whole story, even though my inner Umbridge insisted that they were.
Second Chaser Card: The Moon (Moony and Padfoot), Reversed
The moon hints at confusion, sleeplessness, encountering shadow, illusions leading us down wrong paths. I hurt my friends perhaps because I was confused, I misunderstood the situation. The book also says: "The Moon card sometimes urges us to go below the surface of what scares us and to explore our beliefs and fears." When talking with one of my mentors about this situation, I told him, "I'm not used to thinking of myself as a cruel or cutting person. It's awful." That's my shadow side that I fear: I'm arrogant. I'm cruel--and my cruelty springs from sheer carelessness. I only hurt people. I suck at relationships. The card also made me think of my insomnia, and about Moony and Padfoot's long estrangement, and the fact that Sirius ended up in Azkaban, cut off from his friend, partly because of his own arrogance and rashness.
Third Chaser Card: Death (Veil at Department of Mysteries), Reversed
Well yeah, forced to change. A relationship I prized is over. The book talks about how it can be like a snake shedding its skin. I looked up the meaning of the reversal: Loss, devastation, trying to maintain a no longer working status quo. I also thought about Harry's reaction to the events at the Ministry. He spent a lot of time suffering/ruminating over Sirius' death, didn't he? There was that whole scene with Nearly Headless Nick that boils down to: you have to accept the devastation and move on. If you don't, you'll only have a half life.
First Beater card was definitely a Bludger: 7 of Disks: Failure (The killer opal necklace at Borgin & Burke's)
Emptiness, loss, misery. From the book" "If you are already in the middle of a disaster, don't follow false hopes, be realistic and face the consequences." Well, I think I have been doing this: I have accepted the fact that the relationship is over.
Note that this incredibly bleak card is the first one in the reading which is NOT reversed. In fact, it is the only one in the entire READING which is not reversed.
Second Bludger: The Star (First years coming across the lake at Hogwarts), Reversed
The Star card is all about hope. Reversed, it's another bludger: Hopelessness, despair, delayed serenity, drained energies. All true!
Keeper (what blocks or stops you): The Chariot (Hogwarts Express), Reversed.
Reversed meaning: moving too quickly, riding for a fall, the end justifies the means, insensitivity to others' needs.
Seeker (Reward or outcome): Strength (Hermione and Buckbeak), Reversed
Reversed meaning: Afraid of own passions, unwarranted or uncontrolled force. Well, again, it doesn't seem like the card reflects the spread position but instead is a description of the present situation.
This was, actually, looking at the card meanings, one of the bleakest readings I have ever done. But then it has seemed like a very bleak week, and the reading felt spot on and definitely gave me some valuable--if painful--things to think about. And it gave me one particularly important insight, about the issue that prompted the reading in the first place.
My rumination is like Umbridge's blood quill punishment.
The thing to do is not to keep carving admonitions into myself.
The thing to do is to PUT THE QUILL DOWN. Accept the lesson, as painful as it is, learn what you can from it, and move on.
Another thought: I WAS reading the reversals. It might be interesting to look at the reading again ignoring the reversals: in that case, for example, the Star card becomes a card of hope again; a helper rather than a bludger.
I dunno. It's painful, but I think I learned more by taking the reversals into consideration.
Edited to add: After doing this post, I logged into my Carrot App (see my post about it here). Carrot is ticked with me because I have failed to check off anything for an entire day. When I finally checked off one item, Carrot tartly informed me, 'No one will ever love you again.'
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-30 02:07 am (UTC)I wish you good healing, however the future unfolds.