Minicon Easter Tarot reading
Apr. 21st, 2019 08:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrOn Easter, the last day of Minicon, I have done a tarot reading for years, using the Celtic Cross spread. I record notes about the reading in a little notebook I keep with my decks. As I was paging through, ready to begin, I saw a note I'd put there several years ago:
The study of tarot is the study of questions whose answers we fear.
I thought about as I pulled out my deck. I've used my Harry Potter deck for a lot of readings, but I decided for this one to go back to my Jane Austen deck, because the question I had been mulling over was about relationships, specifically, about how to handle a new relationship as well and ethically as possible, and that seemed rather appropriate. Jane does seem to focus a lot in her fiction about how to live an exemplary life.
As I pulled out my materials, I discovered that was just as well. I had grabbed my tarot materials in a hurry when I'd packed for the convention, and I'd managed to leave the companion book to the Harry Potter deck behind. I'd left the companion book to the Jane Austen deck behind, too. Oops. But at least I had the little pocket guide to that deck.
I always try to ask open-ended questions when doing these readings--not asking for a forecast of the future--but framing it along the lines of 'What do I need to know (or think about) X.'
For this year, I asked, "What do I need to know about this new stage of my life, the interstices between widowhood and a potential new partnership?" Keeping in mind the quotation I read in my notebook, I wanted to particularly pay attention to the shadow side, what I feared and how that might get me stuck.
Here's how the reading went:
First of all, there were a LOT of reversals. Maybe that was because I was curious about the shadow side of things. Also, there was only one major arcana card in the entire reading, which some books suggest mean that this is a short-term reading or one without a lot of weight. I dunno; I tend to naturally give my Easter readings a lot of weight.
1) The Significator: XX Judgment, reversed. So: the only major arcana card represented me. Huh.
The book suggests that each of the people in this card are yearning to ascend to another level, another phase in their lives. Emma and Mr. Knightley, for example, are reaching toward each other, a symbol of their mutual longing to unite in wedlock. Mrs. Weston is less obvious in her aspirations, but can anyone doubt her desire to be an even better mother to her newborn baby that she was to Emma? Harriet Smith has longed from the beginning of her story to marry. Mr. Woodhouse never seeks change, but his need for security may supercede his aversion to his daughter's impending marriage.
Whatever individual issue pertains to you, this card heralds a new and major life phase, not a minor change but a major life transformation.
The reversal suggests lack of clarity, refusal to hear a call, postponement, resisting positive change. This is a difficult change, and the reversal is about resisting transformation. You may be overly critical or self-analytical or too judgmental.
Dunno how I feel about the reversal. I certainly feel I'm poised on the brink of major life changes, moving from widowhood to something new. How do I evaluate whether I am resisting change?
2) Atmosphere surrounding the central issue - 4 of Candlesticks, reversed. This card shows Darcy and Elizabeth, and Jane and Charles on their wedding day.
Fours are about balance and stability (four points of a square give you the most stable geometric shape of all) and wands (candlesticks in this suit) are about energy. The book said, 'The 4 of Candlesticks are about a pleasurable but formal acknowledgment of a newly established state.
Note that both of these cards depict wedding scenes. Yet this one, too, is reversed. I think this is about widowhood. The stability of marriage is reversed; my marriage is over and stability is gone. That's the atmosphere surrounding me: I may have a lack of clarity because everything has been upended: my life as a married woman is gone and I am having trouble moving forward.
3) Obstacle - 5 of Candlesticks - boisterous conflict of wills. This card depicts Catherine Morland in Northanger Abbey in a group on a street in Bath. Catherine senses she has a nascent thing going with Henry Tilney, but Isabella and her brother lied to her and told her that Henry and his sister would not meet with her that day after all. When Catherine realizes that she was misled, she wishes to stick with her original plan to meet with Henry, but Isabella and John are preventing her. Things are complicated further because of the presence of Catherine's brother, who is interested in Isabella and doesn't want the party to break up.
Interestingly, this is the one card in the reading that is neither read as upright or reversed, because it is placed sideways over the first two cards. It's sort of meta: the story it depicts is about a budding relationship (Catherine and Henry) and the obstacles put in their way, which leaves Catherine dithering: should I stay where I am, or should I go forward?
4) Goal: What you can achieve without drastic changes in your course of action. Edward Ferrars, the Knight of Coins, reversed.
Interestingly, enough, this is about another character torn between two lovers, one representing the past and one representing the present: Lucy Steele, the sly and spiteful girl to whom he has been secretly engaged for several years, and Elinor Dashwood, the woman who he has come to truly love. The Knight of Coins is a rather more quiet and reserved young man than the other Knights (in the Harry Potter deck, he is represented by Neville Longbottom). Reversed, he becomes even more inert: 'old stick in the mud.' Again, this seems to indicate being poised between two possibilities, one in the past and one in the present leading to the future, yet he's stuck. Edward is not free to turn to Elinor until he has dealt honorably with Lucy.
5) Root, the foundation upon which the situation is based. 8 of Cups, reversed: Fanny Price leaving Mansfield Park, sent away by her uncle because she will not agree to marry Harry Crawford--because, unbeknownst to her uncle, she is actually in love with her cousin Edmund. In this case, Fanny is essentially losing her long-time home. Note that once again, a character is stuck, unable to accept Harry, hopeless that Edmund could ever love her.
The book says, "When you receive this card in a reading, it is time to leave behind what is familiar to face the unknown. This is necessarily an emotional time, where you possess mixed feelings about the change to come, as Fanny did when she returns to Portsmouth. While she is sad to leave the people she has come to consider her family behind, she also looks forward to her journey...The new path that lies before you might well contain challenges, particularly in the way of emotional dissatisfaction. However, we learn more from the difficulties we encounter on unknown terrain than we do from treading a recognized, smooth road. The growth you experience on every level is necessary for your development now, even if it includes sacrifice and loss. We cannot forget that Mansfield Park begins with Fanny's first journey to Mansfield Park. Life is a series of paths and transitions. Each choice we make, each new path we take, involves giving up one thing in order to make room for something else, something greater, something that will expand our worldview."
This reminds me of what was said about the Judgment card at the beginning of the reading--development to the next level.
The book continues, "When we have achieved that necessary and new knowledge, it will be time to take another journey, forge a new path. Sometimes, as in the case of Fanny, it seems a return to the known; Fanny does make her way back to Mansfield Park. But she is not the same girl; the new Fanny has gained much in the way of self-confidence and self-understanding."
In a way, I am going back to something I had done years before: courtship. But it is different because I am different. I know more about how relationships work, and I have a better knowledge of what I am looking for, what the warning signs might be, and how I want things to go.
Another book I have describes this card as "despair." 8s, it explains, are under the auspices of Mercury and have some of its quicksilver mental acuity. The cards offer sudden insights but also share a sense of nervousness and mental hyper-sensitivity. Yet another book says that while this is one of the travel or vagabond cards, it can refer to abandonment issues.
The root, I take all this to mean, is about the experience of being widowed. I have lost my home, I am moving forward toward a future I cannot see, I have experienced distress, at least at the beginning of my journey. Yes, sometimes I do feel abandoned, alone and frightened because I have lost my husband.
Yet, what to make of the fact that the card is reversed? My book on reversals notes that this can mean that a vacation could be denied or postponed--and that is literally true. Fiona and I had plans to travel to England this year, and that plan has been put off because of a series of financial issues (water in the basement necessitating home repairs). Other suggestions: this can represent the hopeless, aimless drifting of someone who cannot stand to feel confined or never quite fits in. You or someone else may fear intimacy and have difficulty making or keeping commitments. At the other extreme, you may find it hard to let go and move on, and so you cling stubbornly to the past, even if a relationship is irretrievably broken.
6) Passing influence or something to be released. 3 of Quills - Jane reads a letter from Caroline Bingley letting her know that she and Charles, whom Jane loves, are leaving Netherfield.
This card is about sorrow, a heart in pain. But since this is the suit of quills, of air, we should recognize the important influence that thoughts have on our feelings. The paper guide notes that this may not be a permanent condition. In this position in the reading, passing influence, this card, again, feels like the sorrow of widowhood. My situation isn't like Jane's because she does end up with Charles, and Rob is gone for good. But in that moment, Jane is thinking, I am going to be alone now, and it hurts, and the future I'd hoped for is gone. THAT sounds familiar.
7) Approaching influence - Lady of Coins, reversed. This card depicts Elinor Dashwood of Sense and Sensibility after her marriage: a calm, reserved woman of good pragmatic sense.
This was the first time I started to feel that something in the reading wasn't making sense. The paper guide said that the reversal indicated that when the card is reversed, it's about someone whose pragmatism leads them to desperate acts. Huh? The book on reversals says this could be about someone who is not in control of their household (slovenly) or who refuses to nurture. It could also be the other extreme, someone who is fanatical about housework, obsessive about food or exercise, covetous or possessive of loved ones.
Either way, how would this be an approaching influence to embrace?
8) Your role or attitude: The Fool. Elizabeth Bennet on her walk to Netherfield to visit Jane.
This is, interestingly enough, another journey card. This time, the beginning of the journey is emphasized, and innocence (and perhaps naivety).
9) Your environment, and the people you are interacting with. 6 of Candlesticks, Charles and Darcy visit Jane and Elizabeth. Another deck calls this card Triumph. Again, another marriage-hinting card in this deck. This takes place at the point that Charles and Darcy are pretty sure that the path is entirely clear to joining with Jane and Elizabeth in marriage.
I wonder if the "people you are interacting with" here is specifically, Eric. This is the courtship from his point of view, which has been paved with some anxiety, but now has the sense that yes, we are getting there! Interesting to have a dog in this card, too, which reminds me of the previous card, the Fool's card--the Fool is traditionally accompanied by a dog. Having the dog in this card means that we have two Fools, perhaps, starting out on a journey together.
10) Hopes and fears. 8 of Candlesticks, reversed. Lydia Bennet and George Wickham, off on their scandalous journey.
What IS it with all these candlestick cards?
The book notes that when the Eight of Candlestick appears in a reading, expect a whirlwind of activity and growth. Things may be moving so quickly that, if your inclination is to control every aspect of your life, you will feel considerably unnerved. More flexible individuals might perceive this as an exciting time. Mercury in Sagittarius is the astrological attribute of the Eight of Candlesticks; it is a combination that suggests overt and incautious movement or communication. This card is a reminder to think before you speak.
Yet: the card is reversed. I think Eric and I are acting in the opposite way of Wickham and Lydia: we are moving slowly, thinking about things very deliberately, and we are definitely not scandalizing anybody. In this position in the reading (hopes and fears), maybe it means we are afraid of being impetuous. But if we are being the opposite of Lydia and Wickham, does that hearken back to that Knight of Coins reversed card--are we being "sticks in the mud"?
11) Final outcome: Ace of Candlesticks, reversed.
My reversals book says the Ace of Wands (Candlesticks, in this deck) reversed is sometimes called the 'thumbs down' card, counseling inaction, "no," or "not now." But even with reversed Aces, new beginnings are in the air. You may feel ready for a change--the desire or yearning is there--but the right opportunity has not manifested itself. Alternatively, a situation is premature and you are not energized or prepared enough to take it. Thus, you may feel frustrated or stymied.
My initial internal reaction was 'rats.' Upon further reflection, however, this does feel accurate in a way. Eric and I are not making any major changes in our lives because we have found each other--yet. Neither of us are ready/interested in moving in together, for example. His kids are still in school, I'm still a pretty recent widow.
I don't like the idea of a reversed candlestick indicating blocked energy, however. This reading was noteworthy in that it had a lot of candlesticks, yet a lot of "stuckness." A lot about being torn between two possibilities, one possibly in the past. Courtship cards and journey cards. Interesting.
I have been listening to my widow music playlist a lot lately. Does that mean I'm "stuck" on being a widow? I dunno. I don't know what it will take for me to move on to ... something. I don't quite dare to name to myself what it could be. A new partnership. We're taking it slowly. I remind myself again that the lack of major arcana cards indicates this might be a short-term reading. I guess that's right for now.
I thought about as I pulled out my deck. I've used my Harry Potter deck for a lot of readings, but I decided for this one to go back to my Jane Austen deck, because the question I had been mulling over was about relationships, specifically, about how to handle a new relationship as well and ethically as possible, and that seemed rather appropriate. Jane does seem to focus a lot in her fiction about how to live an exemplary life.
As I pulled out my materials, I discovered that was just as well. I had grabbed my tarot materials in a hurry when I'd packed for the convention, and I'd managed to leave the companion book to the Harry Potter deck behind. I'd left the companion book to the Jane Austen deck behind, too. Oops. But at least I had the little pocket guide to that deck.
I always try to ask open-ended questions when doing these readings--not asking for a forecast of the future--but framing it along the lines of 'What do I need to know (or think about) X.'
For this year, I asked, "What do I need to know about this new stage of my life, the interstices between widowhood and a potential new partnership?" Keeping in mind the quotation I read in my notebook, I wanted to particularly pay attention to the shadow side, what I feared and how that might get me stuck.
Here's how the reading went:
First of all, there were a LOT of reversals. Maybe that was because I was curious about the shadow side of things. Also, there was only one major arcana card in the entire reading, which some books suggest mean that this is a short-term reading or one without a lot of weight. I dunno; I tend to naturally give my Easter readings a lot of weight.
1) The Significator: XX Judgment, reversed. So: the only major arcana card represented me. Huh.
The book suggests that each of the people in this card are yearning to ascend to another level, another phase in their lives. Emma and Mr. Knightley, for example, are reaching toward each other, a symbol of their mutual longing to unite in wedlock. Mrs. Weston is less obvious in her aspirations, but can anyone doubt her desire to be an even better mother to her newborn baby that she was to Emma? Harriet Smith has longed from the beginning of her story to marry. Mr. Woodhouse never seeks change, but his need for security may supercede his aversion to his daughter's impending marriage.
Whatever individual issue pertains to you, this card heralds a new and major life phase, not a minor change but a major life transformation.
The reversal suggests lack of clarity, refusal to hear a call, postponement, resisting positive change. This is a difficult change, and the reversal is about resisting transformation. You may be overly critical or self-analytical or too judgmental.
Dunno how I feel about the reversal. I certainly feel I'm poised on the brink of major life changes, moving from widowhood to something new. How do I evaluate whether I am resisting change?
2) Atmosphere surrounding the central issue - 4 of Candlesticks, reversed. This card shows Darcy and Elizabeth, and Jane and Charles on their wedding day.
Fours are about balance and stability (four points of a square give you the most stable geometric shape of all) and wands (candlesticks in this suit) are about energy. The book said, 'The 4 of Candlesticks are about a pleasurable but formal acknowledgment of a newly established state.
Note that both of these cards depict wedding scenes. Yet this one, too, is reversed. I think this is about widowhood. The stability of marriage is reversed; my marriage is over and stability is gone. That's the atmosphere surrounding me: I may have a lack of clarity because everything has been upended: my life as a married woman is gone and I am having trouble moving forward.
3) Obstacle - 5 of Candlesticks - boisterous conflict of wills. This card depicts Catherine Morland in Northanger Abbey in a group on a street in Bath. Catherine senses she has a nascent thing going with Henry Tilney, but Isabella and her brother lied to her and told her that Henry and his sister would not meet with her that day after all. When Catherine realizes that she was misled, she wishes to stick with her original plan to meet with Henry, but Isabella and John are preventing her. Things are complicated further because of the presence of Catherine's brother, who is interested in Isabella and doesn't want the party to break up.
Interestingly, this is the one card in the reading that is neither read as upright or reversed, because it is placed sideways over the first two cards. It's sort of meta: the story it depicts is about a budding relationship (Catherine and Henry) and the obstacles put in their way, which leaves Catherine dithering: should I stay where I am, or should I go forward?
4) Goal: What you can achieve without drastic changes in your course of action. Edward Ferrars, the Knight of Coins, reversed.
Interestingly, enough, this is about another character torn between two lovers, one representing the past and one representing the present: Lucy Steele, the sly and spiteful girl to whom he has been secretly engaged for several years, and Elinor Dashwood, the woman who he has come to truly love. The Knight of Coins is a rather more quiet and reserved young man than the other Knights (in the Harry Potter deck, he is represented by Neville Longbottom). Reversed, he becomes even more inert: 'old stick in the mud.' Again, this seems to indicate being poised between two possibilities, one in the past and one in the present leading to the future, yet he's stuck. Edward is not free to turn to Elinor until he has dealt honorably with Lucy.
5) Root, the foundation upon which the situation is based. 8 of Cups, reversed: Fanny Price leaving Mansfield Park, sent away by her uncle because she will not agree to marry Harry Crawford--because, unbeknownst to her uncle, she is actually in love with her cousin Edmund. In this case, Fanny is essentially losing her long-time home. Note that once again, a character is stuck, unable to accept Harry, hopeless that Edmund could ever love her.
The book says, "When you receive this card in a reading, it is time to leave behind what is familiar to face the unknown. This is necessarily an emotional time, where you possess mixed feelings about the change to come, as Fanny did when she returns to Portsmouth. While she is sad to leave the people she has come to consider her family behind, she also looks forward to her journey...The new path that lies before you might well contain challenges, particularly in the way of emotional dissatisfaction. However, we learn more from the difficulties we encounter on unknown terrain than we do from treading a recognized, smooth road. The growth you experience on every level is necessary for your development now, even if it includes sacrifice and loss. We cannot forget that Mansfield Park begins with Fanny's first journey to Mansfield Park. Life is a series of paths and transitions. Each choice we make, each new path we take, involves giving up one thing in order to make room for something else, something greater, something that will expand our worldview."
This reminds me of what was said about the Judgment card at the beginning of the reading--development to the next level.
The book continues, "When we have achieved that necessary and new knowledge, it will be time to take another journey, forge a new path. Sometimes, as in the case of Fanny, it seems a return to the known; Fanny does make her way back to Mansfield Park. But she is not the same girl; the new Fanny has gained much in the way of self-confidence and self-understanding."
In a way, I am going back to something I had done years before: courtship. But it is different because I am different. I know more about how relationships work, and I have a better knowledge of what I am looking for, what the warning signs might be, and how I want things to go.
Another book I have describes this card as "despair." 8s, it explains, are under the auspices of Mercury and have some of its quicksilver mental acuity. The cards offer sudden insights but also share a sense of nervousness and mental hyper-sensitivity. Yet another book says that while this is one of the travel or vagabond cards, it can refer to abandonment issues.
The root, I take all this to mean, is about the experience of being widowed. I have lost my home, I am moving forward toward a future I cannot see, I have experienced distress, at least at the beginning of my journey. Yes, sometimes I do feel abandoned, alone and frightened because I have lost my husband.
Yet, what to make of the fact that the card is reversed? My book on reversals notes that this can mean that a vacation could be denied or postponed--and that is literally true. Fiona and I had plans to travel to England this year, and that plan has been put off because of a series of financial issues (water in the basement necessitating home repairs). Other suggestions: this can represent the hopeless, aimless drifting of someone who cannot stand to feel confined or never quite fits in. You or someone else may fear intimacy and have difficulty making or keeping commitments. At the other extreme, you may find it hard to let go and move on, and so you cling stubbornly to the past, even if a relationship is irretrievably broken.
6) Passing influence or something to be released. 3 of Quills - Jane reads a letter from Caroline Bingley letting her know that she and Charles, whom Jane loves, are leaving Netherfield.
This card is about sorrow, a heart in pain. But since this is the suit of quills, of air, we should recognize the important influence that thoughts have on our feelings. The paper guide notes that this may not be a permanent condition. In this position in the reading, passing influence, this card, again, feels like the sorrow of widowhood. My situation isn't like Jane's because she does end up with Charles, and Rob is gone for good. But in that moment, Jane is thinking, I am going to be alone now, and it hurts, and the future I'd hoped for is gone. THAT sounds familiar.
7) Approaching influence - Lady of Coins, reversed. This card depicts Elinor Dashwood of Sense and Sensibility after her marriage: a calm, reserved woman of good pragmatic sense.
This was the first time I started to feel that something in the reading wasn't making sense. The paper guide said that the reversal indicated that when the card is reversed, it's about someone whose pragmatism leads them to desperate acts. Huh? The book on reversals says this could be about someone who is not in control of their household (slovenly) or who refuses to nurture. It could also be the other extreme, someone who is fanatical about housework, obsessive about food or exercise, covetous or possessive of loved ones.
Either way, how would this be an approaching influence to embrace?
8) Your role or attitude: The Fool. Elizabeth Bennet on her walk to Netherfield to visit Jane.
This is, interestingly enough, another journey card. This time, the beginning of the journey is emphasized, and innocence (and perhaps naivety).
9) Your environment, and the people you are interacting with. 6 of Candlesticks, Charles and Darcy visit Jane and Elizabeth. Another deck calls this card Triumph. Again, another marriage-hinting card in this deck. This takes place at the point that Charles and Darcy are pretty sure that the path is entirely clear to joining with Jane and Elizabeth in marriage.
I wonder if the "people you are interacting with" here is specifically, Eric. This is the courtship from his point of view, which has been paved with some anxiety, but now has the sense that yes, we are getting there! Interesting to have a dog in this card, too, which reminds me of the previous card, the Fool's card--the Fool is traditionally accompanied by a dog. Having the dog in this card means that we have two Fools, perhaps, starting out on a journey together.
10) Hopes and fears. 8 of Candlesticks, reversed. Lydia Bennet and George Wickham, off on their scandalous journey.
What IS it with all these candlestick cards?
The book notes that when the Eight of Candlestick appears in a reading, expect a whirlwind of activity and growth. Things may be moving so quickly that, if your inclination is to control every aspect of your life, you will feel considerably unnerved. More flexible individuals might perceive this as an exciting time. Mercury in Sagittarius is the astrological attribute of the Eight of Candlesticks; it is a combination that suggests overt and incautious movement or communication. This card is a reminder to think before you speak.
Yet: the card is reversed. I think Eric and I are acting in the opposite way of Wickham and Lydia: we are moving slowly, thinking about things very deliberately, and we are definitely not scandalizing anybody. In this position in the reading (hopes and fears), maybe it means we are afraid of being impetuous. But if we are being the opposite of Lydia and Wickham, does that hearken back to that Knight of Coins reversed card--are we being "sticks in the mud"?
11) Final outcome: Ace of Candlesticks, reversed.
My reversals book says the Ace of Wands (Candlesticks, in this deck) reversed is sometimes called the 'thumbs down' card, counseling inaction, "no," or "not now." But even with reversed Aces, new beginnings are in the air. You may feel ready for a change--the desire or yearning is there--but the right opportunity has not manifested itself. Alternatively, a situation is premature and you are not energized or prepared enough to take it. Thus, you may feel frustrated or stymied.
My initial internal reaction was 'rats.' Upon further reflection, however, this does feel accurate in a way. Eric and I are not making any major changes in our lives because we have found each other--yet. Neither of us are ready/interested in moving in together, for example. His kids are still in school, I'm still a pretty recent widow.
I don't like the idea of a reversed candlestick indicating blocked energy, however. This reading was noteworthy in that it had a lot of candlesticks, yet a lot of "stuckness." A lot about being torn between two possibilities, one possibly in the past. Courtship cards and journey cards. Interesting.
I have been listening to my widow music playlist a lot lately. Does that mean I'm "stuck" on being a widow? I dunno. I don't know what it will take for me to move on to ... something. I don't quite dare to name to myself what it could be. A new partnership. We're taking it slowly. I remind myself again that the lack of major arcana cards indicates this might be a short-term reading. I guess that's right for now.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-04-22 12:01 pm (UTC)I am reminded of the advice to toss a coin, and if you then wish it had landed the other way, you know what you want to do.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-04-22 04:10 pm (UTC)Elinor Dashwood showing up makes me think of the times you used her as code for "there's something discretion forbids me to speak about."
(no subject)
Date: 2019-04-22 06:40 pm (UTC)"AWAIT FURTHER ORDERS
"Although the message is torn, more data is coming, and it will clarify what your next move should be. However, you may have hooked into a superficial guidance system that is not really relevant to your basic being."
Personally, I would also like you to notice that the sap is rising.
K.