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pegkerrIt is my 33rd anniversary today, but I have been a widow for over a year. I have been going to Convergence today, but it hasn't worked as well as last year at keeping me distracted.
Maybe it's because it's a different hotel, so there isn't the comfort of familiarity.
Maybe because I don't have my girls with me.
Maybe it's because I am not staying at the hotel itself so I don't have opportunities to slip away and rest in a room and decompress.
Maybe because I'm lonely, and I know fewer people here.
I managed to go to some panels and enjoy discussions, but other times I was walking around muttering to myself you should be with me; how come you're not here; I can't believe you're dead. How can you be dead?.
Did not stay for the late panels. Came home to be miserable by myself.
This sucks. Rob, you should be here with me. You should be here. Holding your ashes on my lap is not good enough.
Maybe it's because it's a different hotel, so there isn't the comfort of familiarity.
Maybe because I don't have my girls with me.
Maybe it's because I am not staying at the hotel itself so I don't have opportunities to slip away and rest in a room and decompress.
Maybe because I'm lonely, and I know fewer people here.
I managed to go to some panels and enjoy discussions, but other times I was walking around muttering to myself you should be with me; how come you're not here; I can't believe you're dead. How can you be dead?.
Did not stay for the late panels. Came home to be miserable by myself.
This sucks. Rob, you should be here with me. You should be here. Holding your ashes on my lap is not good enough.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-07-06 11:33 pm (UTC)