From Twitter 04-06-2010

( Cut to spare the uninterested )

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This morning's ugly discovery

The diamond had fallen out of the crown of my wedding ring.

I discovered this as the last of the water was draining out of the tub from my shower.

Constance McMillen story: this is what bigotry looks like

I can't remember whether I've mentioned the Constance McMillen story in my journal--I know I've tweeted about it. She's the young girl in Mississippi who wanted to attend her prom with her girlfriend. The school reacted by cancelling the prom.

It gets worse. As reported by the Advocate:

To avoid Constance McMillen bringing a female date to her prom, the teen was sent to a "fake prom" while the rest of her class partied at a secret location at an event organized by parents.

McMillen tells The Advocate that a parent-organized prom happened behind her back — she and her date were sent to a Friday night event at a country club in Fulton, Miss., that attracted only five other students. Her school principal and teachers served as chaperones, but clearly there wasn't much to keep an eye on.

"They had two proms and I was only invited to one of them," McMillen says. "The one that I went to had seven people there, and everyone went to the other one I wasn’t invited to."

Last week McMillen asked one of the students organizing the prom for details about the event, and was directed to the country club. "It hurts my feelings," McMillen says.

Two students with learning difficulties were among the seven people at the country club event, McMillen recalls. "They had the time of their lives," McMillen says. "That's the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn't have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom]."

In March, after the Itawamba County School District refused to allow McMillen to bring a female date to the prom, the district canceled the event altogether. McMillen and her lawyers from the American Civil Liberties Union challenged that decision in court, and a judge ruled the district could not bar McMillen and her date.

The judge declined to force the school district to hold the prom because a parent-sponsored, private prom was being organized — and the understanding was that McMillen and her date were invited to that event. But Hampton says McMillen was never invited and organizers made it very difficult for her to find information on the time and location. That prom was later mysteriously canceled, with the Friday night event at the country club officially replacing it.

How could they do such a cruel thing? Now a classmate of hers has graciously explained their reasoning:

Lindsey Begley, who, according to her Facebook page [ed. note: I'm not going to link to her page because she is, after all, a minor -- if you need to find it, you can Google it] is a senior at Itawamba Agricultural High School with Constance McMillen. And in the comments section of La Figa she explained exactly why, after weeks of fighting for the right to attend prom with her girlfriend, Constance was, instead, sent — along with a handful of special education students — to a fake prom while the entire rest of the senior class went to the real prom. Begley explains why: "She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants."

Here's the way Begley herself explained it:

**Open Minded Readers Only**

I am a senior at IAHS, and I’ve known Constance for the last 6 years. Please hear our side of the story before you decide on our fate.

The party we had in Evergreen (the county neighborhood I live in) is 30 mins away from the school. we rented out the community center, hired vendors, decorated, and our parents ran the security/chaperone staff- but it wasn’t prom. Prom was at the country club where constance and 7 other students were. The reason the senior class boycotted the actual prom was not because we hate gays. We wanted a drama-free gathering to celebrate 3 great years and 1 lousy one together, and we wanted to lay low. We also wanted to do it without the main cause of the lousy. What people are failing to realize is that much of the fault of this whole stink lies with Constance, not her mistreatment by the school district, but her crazy-reckless need for attention. It sounds mean and horrible and like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco. As a whole we didn’t support her decision to throw the district under the bus, or her insinuations that we’re all just a bunch ‘a hicks driving around in beater pick up trucks spitting tobacco and burning crosses. IAHS is one of the top schools in the state and I’m proud of that, and I’m proud that we took a stand and just said you know what? forget it, we have just as much right as you do to have a party for ourselves. So we did, and now we’re getting flack because poor Connie’s ego got a bit of bruising. She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants. This time, we didn’t just let her.

Take it as you will, because I’m sure it sounds like we faked her out, but understand this- the decision NOT to attend prom had nothing to do with the school or with Constance’s sexual preferences; it had everything to do with proving we weren’t going to let her and the ACLU steamroll us into doing what Constance wanted. We flexed the muscle of the majority and we’ll suffer the consequences.

Someone (maybe a lawyer?) perhaps tapped Lindsey on the shoulder and suggested she might have gone a wee bit too far, because several hours later, she added this:

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post from earlier this evening. First want to apologize for the misrepresentation of the motives behind our decision. Secondly, I want to apologize for any discomfort I must have caused all you revolutionaries who are working so hard to bring change to such a small minded place as Itawamba- but do me one favor. Please, do not assume that every graduate from IAHS is stupid, incompetent as I seem to all of you. I ask that you forgive my very emotional attempt at defending my home. I personally believe that the whole thing has turned into a tempest in a teacup, so to speak, and I wish now that things could have been changed. Again, I ask you though please do not sterotype my school, county, state, or region based on what I have said. Thanks again.

Lindsey

As the blogger I read who reported this story notes:

Yes, this girl is young. Yes, what she wrote is incredibly bigoted. But she’s not the only one to look at here. The Facebook page “Constance Quit Yer Cryin’” has 486 fans [ed note -- commenters have informed me that those who support Constance have taken over this page, which explains its growing number of fans]. The parents of the students organized the secret prom. And many students at the high school wrote some rather unpleasant things about the prom on their own Facebook pages.

Shameful.

Here are pictures from the prom that Constance didn't know about.

I've been extremely impressed with young Constance McMillen. The graciousness she's exhibited under pressure (for example, noting that at least the individuals with learning disabilities enjoyed their prom, with no one making fun of them) stands in stark contrast to the behavior exhibited by her classmates. She is well deserving of the $30,000 scholarship she's received from Tonic.com. I hope that twenty and thirty years from now, the other seniors who graduated from her school will look back at themselves in shame, wondering, what on earth were we thinking? (It certainly may take that long for them to come to their senses.) Constance, in contrast, will be able to look back with self-respect. Brava.

Edited to add: Oh, and if you want to contact McMillen’s school district, here is that info (courtesy of Dorothy Snarker):

Itawamba County Schools Superintendent Teresa McNeece:
tmcneece@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-2159 ext. 14

Itawamba Agricultural High School principal Trae Wiygul
twiygul@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-3104

Edited to add again: Another IAHS student, "softballgirl10" added more rationalization:

as another student of IAHS i’m TIRED OF THIS. it has made me LOSE FAITH IN THE MEDIA.

NONE OF YOU KNOW CONSTANCE. she has been pulling this stuff for years and I doubt she’s a lesbian frankly. but whatever she’s got her college paid for and she got to wear her “different” tux and everyone loves her and she’s got exactly what she wanted. it is ironic that we are called the close minded when you all throw slurs at us and you don’t even know us. you’re all so hateful. all we wanted was a quiet night away from this mess and her but we have that taken away from us now.

and i don’t understand the disabled kids stuff, we don’t even talk to them, so stop judging. they could have come to our prom if they wanted to.

[and]

also i’m proud of our administration for backing us up by the way instead of running away from all of you. that’s courage, not trying to get away with wearing weird clothes. you all think she’s an angel..

[and]

you know what i mean by weird. what if she wanted to come to prom with a police siren on her head? one that’s really loud would you defend her then?? that’s what SHE WAS DOING THIS FOR. TO GET PEOPLE TO STARE AT HER. she is using the lesbian thing as an excuse to look like a victim but she JUST WANTS YOU TO LOOK AT HER. she ruined our year… just because something is legal doesn’t make it right. like i said she won anyway she got her prom.

[and, then when the various commenters prove less than impressed by this appeal, she tries this:]

you don’t know me and you don’t know the people who raised me and you DON’T KNOW CONSTANCE. this isn’t about bigotry i don’t care if she’s actually a lesbian. you’re the ones stereotyping that we’re dumb hicks in the south who only know the bible. and you’re stereotpying Constance as a victim but none of you really know, it’s sad and it makes me angry, all you know is what she tells the media. YOU ARE THE ADULTS yet she manipulates you all so easily. i doubt much of you have been to mississippi and none of you to my school yet you think you know better.

Unbelievable.

Edited to add: Speaking of fake proms, it's really not a first for the South.


( What I did today to make the world a better place )

Of course, Constance is not the only one

Saw this at another blog.

Meanwhile in Cochran, Georgia, Derrick Martin has been told by his school that they can't stop him from bringing his boy friend to the prom.

But he's feeling the heat from other students.

“I don’t believe in going up there and dancing with gay guys like that,” she said. “It’s also not just him bringing a boy. It was bringing all this attention to it.”

We knew Derrick was gay,” said Keith Bowman Jr., a high school senior who showed up at the rally. “They don’t want (Cochran) to be known as a pro gay town.”

They are talking about organizing a separate prom.

And oh yeah...like so many other gay teenagers he's been kicked out of his home.

As a result of the media attention, Martin’s parents have kicked him out of their home, and he’s staying with a friend in Cochran.

Martin’s father is a math teacher at Bleckley County High and is the school’s Teacher of the Year.

Way to model compassionate behavior to your students, Dad. Way to stand up for your kid.

From another blogger, I found this:

The blowback has begun on Derrick Martin, the gay teenager who is being allowed to bring his boyfriend to the prom.

Some district students and residents rallied late this week against Derrick, and the local ABC (Channel 16) filed a news report on the protest that appeared slanted.

The ABC broadcast started this way:

“Most teens’ prom concerns range from what to wear and arranging a limo, but for a Cochran high school student, his date caused the most controversy. A gay high school student in Bleckley County is defying the community's wishes, and bringing his boyfriend to the prom.”

And a little later:

“Derrick Martin's peers stood up Thursday against the senior's sexuality and his plans to bring a same-sex partner as his date.”

While the broadcast did allow Derrick to speak on camera, it focused more on “concerned citizens.”

“You sit here and you tell me that if somebody walked up to you and you've already paid all your money to go a prom that you've waited 11 years to go to and it’s a sacred event and somebody walks in and says ‘Oh I’m gay, I’m going to do a walk through with another guy,” one concerned citizen named Cochran complained on camera.

As ABC continued its report, Derrick, who is an honors student, was labeled a “controversial student.”

“There's always going to be people that don't like you and that don't want to be around you, and you just have to just accept it,” Derrick said.

Bobby Duskin, who was labeled a “worried father,” was one of the organizers of the rally against Derrick.

“I'm going to speak out. Because I’m a father, and I’m proud to be a father and I’m going to look out for my kids no matter what and I’m going to stand up for them no matter what,” Duskin said.

ABC then trotted out Duskin’s daughter, Amber, a senior who refuses to go to the prom because Derrick will be there with his boyfriend.

“It’s not just his prom, it’s my prom too and everybody else's at the school,” Amber said.

Some students are now going to organize a private prom, ABC reported. That's code for a "gay free" dance.

Meanwhile, the school board issued the following statement about Derrick’s request:

“A male student at Bleckley County High School requested permission to bring a male friend to the high school prom.

“After school and system officials reviewed prom rules and procedures and legal precedent, the school informed the individual that there were no rules or policies that would prevent him from bringing his friend to the prom.

“This statement is not an endorsement of any particular practice or lifestyle, but rather recognition of the legal environment in which public schools operate today. In the interest of fairness to all students who have looked forward to their prom, school officials did not entertain the option of canceling the prom.

“Our school system is struggling with much larger concerns such as budget shortfalls and striving to sustain our reputation for excellence in education. We have serious matters that require our time and resources and we simply can not afford to divert any of them away from our educational mission.”

Source: Derrick Mason's Facebook page via PFLAG

A plug for my jeweler. Wedding Day Diamonds ROCK

As I noted this morning, I discovered that the diamond from my wedding ring was gone this morning, and I was heartsick. Yet, as I told Delia, oddly enough I wasn't as upset about the diamond as I would have been if, say, the ring itself had been stolen. The diamond itself really wasn't what was important to me about the ring.

I didn't have any idea where my purchase paperwork for the ring was, nor had I ever had it appraised. BUT I pulled my journal from 1986 from my shelf, and turned to this entry, written a couple of weeks after I got engaged. "We found our rings today. Rob's is a gold band with a filigree edge comfort fit, seven mm. Mine has a .29 carat G color VVS₂ stone." [and I drew a little sketch of it.] So I took that journal into the store. Now, their warranty only covers you if you bring in the ring and get it checked every six months. I had been bringing the ring in regularly for checks, but since I started so long ago, that was before they had the requirement to get a warranty card signed. They checked the computer, and the last time I had brought in the ring for a check and given them my name was September of 2008. I had had the ring checked since then, I averred, but without checking off any paperwork. Nor did we have a jewelry addendum to our insurance. The retail cost to replace my diamond with another stone of the exact same classification would be $595 and to replace the crown would be another $295.

"Is there anything you can do for me anyway?" I asked, very politely but without much hope.

"Well, let me call my general manager and see what he says," the nice young salesman said.

The verdict: they would replace the stone for cost and throw the crown in for free. So instead of paying $890, I only had to pay $115, plus tax. (Guess that shows you how much diamonds are marked up!) I could just cover that amount with the little fund I had squirreled away "for emergencies," stashing the extra dollars aside every time I got overtime pay.

We were very impressed with our jeweler when we bought the ring in 1986. In fact, the man who sold it to us eventually became one of the co-owners of the company. I am even more impressed with them now. They didn't have to cover their warranty, according to their own rules, yet they did. Let it be known to all and sundry that Wedding Day Diamonds absolutely ROCK and truly do their best to keep their customers happy.

(And also, it was a damn lucky thing that I made that journal entry.)