Sorting clothing angst
Dec. 28th, 2004 12:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrFiona has been weeping for the last half hour.
We have been going through clothes, because their drawers are overstuffed and we just got another crop of hand-me-downs from the cousins. So I went through their drawers with them and sorted: these to go to the younger cousin, these to go back in the drawer, these to get thrown away. And Fiona is weeping, weeping, weeping, over a couple of shirts, torn and stained with filth and dearly, dearly loved.
She went into the hall where I had put the garbage bag filled with the discards, pulled the shirt out again, and collapsed on the floor, her face buried in it, sobbing.
I know what you're thinking: Peg, if it means so much to her, why not let her have the damn shirt?
I'll tell you why: I married a man who has obsessive-compulsive disorder, who gets physically ill at the idea of throwing things away. At the time I married him, I didn't know what immense stress that would cause our lives. And I am determined that the girls have to learn this: when something is ruined, you have to learn how to get rid of it.
Edited to add: Both girls have a keepsake box, which holds old clothes which are particularly lovely and sentimental (first dress, first christmas dress, etc.), even if they are too small for them to wear.
However, the clothes that Fiona has cathected onto so strongly are not only old, they are faded and covered with holes and ground in stains and dirt. There is nothing the least bit lovely about them. They are complete and utter rags.
I did try to give her some feeling of control by telling her: you can keep one tie-dye T-shirt (she had about five).
You must also keep in mind that the girls are growing. We have limited storage room for clothes that fit them. We can't spare drawer space for clothes that don't fit them and are utter rags, just because they love them so.
We have been going through clothes, because their drawers are overstuffed and we just got another crop of hand-me-downs from the cousins. So I went through their drawers with them and sorted: these to go to the younger cousin, these to go back in the drawer, these to get thrown away. And Fiona is weeping, weeping, weeping, over a couple of shirts, torn and stained with filth and dearly, dearly loved.
She went into the hall where I had put the garbage bag filled with the discards, pulled the shirt out again, and collapsed on the floor, her face buried in it, sobbing.
I know what you're thinking: Peg, if it means so much to her, why not let her have the damn shirt?
I'll tell you why: I married a man who has obsessive-compulsive disorder, who gets physically ill at the idea of throwing things away. At the time I married him, I didn't know what immense stress that would cause our lives. And I am determined that the girls have to learn this: when something is ruined, you have to learn how to get rid of it.
Edited to add: Both girls have a keepsake box, which holds old clothes which are particularly lovely and sentimental (first dress, first christmas dress, etc.), even if they are too small for them to wear.
However, the clothes that Fiona has cathected onto so strongly are not only old, they are faded and covered with holes and ground in stains and dirt. There is nothing the least bit lovely about them. They are complete and utter rags.
I did try to give her some feeling of control by telling her: you can keep one tie-dye T-shirt (she had about five).
You must also keep in mind that the girls are growing. We have limited storage room for clothes that fit them. We can't spare drawer space for clothes that don't fit them and are utter rags, just because they love them so.
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Sympathy and a Suggestion
Date: 2004-12-28 06:45 pm (UTC)On the other hand, I do feel that there is a need to balance out the emotional side of our lives and save our childhoods. I wish I could rescue my childhood--all my first attempts at writing--from the depths of my parent's clutter. Does Fiona have a scrapbook? Perhaps you could help her start one, or if she has one already, tell her that she can pick one shirt, and cut a 3 inch by 3 inch piece to scrapbook with a picture of her wearing that shirt. (Or something similar.) As long as she understands that she has to pick the shirt that means the most to her, and get rid of the rest, she may learn to be more discriminating about what she acquires and keeps.
I nearly always go by the cardinal rule: if you haven't used it in six months, or thought about it, maybe you should chuck it. I've gotten pretty good about throwing out or getting rid of the useless tchochkes that I've accumulated. (Church used to be particularly bad since all the teachers would hand out little knick knacks to remind us of this or that lesson. Imagine the guilt in throwing out a picture of Jesus. Or trying to get my very Mormon mother to get rid of the sixteen extra and very tattered copies of the Book of Mormon that she rescued from the church library.)