Sorting clothing angst

[pegkerr]

Fiona has been weeping for the last half hour.

We have been going through clothes, because their drawers are overstuffed and we just got another crop of hand-me-downs from the cousins. So I went through their drawers with them and sorted: these to go to the younger cousin, these to go back in the drawer, these to get thrown away. And Fiona is weeping, weeping, weeping, over a couple of shirts, torn and stained with filth and dearly, dearly loved.

She went into the hall where I had put the garbage bag filled with the discards, pulled the shirt out again, and collapsed on the floor, her face buried in it, sobbing.

I know what you're thinking: Peg, if it means so much to her, why not let her have the damn shirt?

I'll tell you why: I married a man who has obsessive-compulsive disorder, who gets physically ill at the idea of throwing things away. At the time I married him, I didn't know what immense stress that would cause our lives. And I am determined that the girls have to learn this: when something is ruined, you have to learn how to get rid of it.

Edited to add: Both girls have a keepsake box, which holds old clothes which are particularly lovely and sentimental (first dress, first christmas dress, etc.), even if they are too small for them to wear.

However, the clothes that Fiona has cathected onto so strongly are not only old, they are faded and covered with holes and ground in stains and dirt. There is nothing the least bit lovely about them. They are complete and utter rags.

I did try to give her some feeling of control by telling her: you can keep one tie-dye T-shirt (she had about five).

You must also keep in mind that the girls are growing. We have limited storage room for clothes that fit them. We can't spare drawer space for clothes that don't fit them and are utter rags, just because they love them so.

Comments

[jbru.livejournal.com]

I'm not completely sure how to do this, but one thing that might help Fiona and you is identifying what it is that she loves about the shirts and other clothes. If they inspire particular feelings or memories, it is those feelings and memories that are valuable, not, obviously, the stained and torn garments. Their are strategies for transferring the association of those feelings and memories from the garments with which they are obviously connected for Fiona now, to something that would be more desireable. Perhaps a more permanent keepsake or, ideally, something internal to Fiona herself. That way, whenever she wanted to remember those things or feel those feelings, she could call them up as she liked.

This is NLP, which some people have issues with as well so ignore if you don't think it will be valuable. If you do think it would be helpful, though, give a call to the house and talk to Ericka about it. She is quite adept at helping people play with their brains in this fashion and also knows the clutter thing first hand and so would be a sympathetic ear.