Sorting clothing angst
Dec. 28th, 2004 12:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pegkerrFiona has been weeping for the last half hour.
We have been going through clothes, because their drawers are overstuffed and we just got another crop of hand-me-downs from the cousins. So I went through their drawers with them and sorted: these to go to the younger cousin, these to go back in the drawer, these to get thrown away. And Fiona is weeping, weeping, weeping, over a couple of shirts, torn and stained with filth and dearly, dearly loved.
She went into the hall where I had put the garbage bag filled with the discards, pulled the shirt out again, and collapsed on the floor, her face buried in it, sobbing.
I know what you're thinking: Peg, if it means so much to her, why not let her have the damn shirt?
I'll tell you why: I married a man who has obsessive-compulsive disorder, who gets physically ill at the idea of throwing things away. At the time I married him, I didn't know what immense stress that would cause our lives. And I am determined that the girls have to learn this: when something is ruined, you have to learn how to get rid of it.
Edited to add: Both girls have a keepsake box, which holds old clothes which are particularly lovely and sentimental (first dress, first christmas dress, etc.), even if they are too small for them to wear.
However, the clothes that Fiona has cathected onto so strongly are not only old, they are faded and covered with holes and ground in stains and dirt. There is nothing the least bit lovely about them. They are complete and utter rags.
I did try to give her some feeling of control by telling her: you can keep one tie-dye T-shirt (she had about five).
You must also keep in mind that the girls are growing. We have limited storage room for clothes that fit them. We can't spare drawer space for clothes that don't fit them and are utter rags, just because they love them so.
We have been going through clothes, because their drawers are overstuffed and we just got another crop of hand-me-downs from the cousins. So I went through their drawers with them and sorted: these to go to the younger cousin, these to go back in the drawer, these to get thrown away. And Fiona is weeping, weeping, weeping, over a couple of shirts, torn and stained with filth and dearly, dearly loved.
She went into the hall where I had put the garbage bag filled with the discards, pulled the shirt out again, and collapsed on the floor, her face buried in it, sobbing.
I know what you're thinking: Peg, if it means so much to her, why not let her have the damn shirt?
I'll tell you why: I married a man who has obsessive-compulsive disorder, who gets physically ill at the idea of throwing things away. At the time I married him, I didn't know what immense stress that would cause our lives. And I am determined that the girls have to learn this: when something is ruined, you have to learn how to get rid of it.
Edited to add: Both girls have a keepsake box, which holds old clothes which are particularly lovely and sentimental (first dress, first christmas dress, etc.), even if they are too small for them to wear.
However, the clothes that Fiona has cathected onto so strongly are not only old, they are faded and covered with holes and ground in stains and dirt. There is nothing the least bit lovely about them. They are complete and utter rags.
I did try to give her some feeling of control by telling her: you can keep one tie-dye T-shirt (she had about five).
You must also keep in mind that the girls are growing. We have limited storage room for clothes that fit them. We can't spare drawer space for clothes that don't fit them and are utter rags, just because they love them so.
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-28 08:14 pm (UTC)Or would it be feasible to, say, bury it in the back yard with a little ceremony, instead of throwing it in the trash? (Okay, burial in Minnesota in winter isn't feasible, but the principle holds.)
I definitely agree that they have to learn how to get rid of stuff; from my experience, packratting causes a whole lot of stress in the long run, especially when you're trying to live with another person.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-28 08:35 pm (UTC)As I understand it, people with this problem invest the thing with part of themselves, and getting rid of it is like getting rid of part of themselves -- so practical reasons don't help, because how would you like it if someone suggested sawing your arm off to make more room in the bed?
Learning to let go, to give away, to throw out, to keep without over-attaching... none of it's easy for any child.