Tarot Reading

[pegkerr]

Laurie WInter did a tarot reading for me on Sunday, as she has done the past several years. (I don't know which deck it was, sorry). I have mixed feelings about tarot. I don't fear them as instruments of the devil (Tim Powers, for example, despite having written a novel all about the power of the Tarot, will not allow a deck in his house), although I am at times a little uneasy about them. I guess I treat them, as Kij has said, as something that might open a window of thought that might help you to think about your life in a different way. I have known writers who have found them to be at times helpful to use when thinking about their books.

The question (which I didn't tell Laurie) "What do I need to know about getting the ice palace book going and moving toward a full, confident, successful writer's life?

The Signifier: 2 of Pentacles, showing a woman on a tightrope, holding a pentacle in each hand. "Balance or focus." Oh, yeah. I laughed when I saw that. That's what I'm all about, definitely.

Situation Surrounding You: King of Swords, reversed. Cruel and crafty, untrustworthy, crafty pig-headed. This could be a person, but no one sprang to mind for me. It felt to me instead like writers block, like the pig-headed stubbornness of my back brain to produce words when I ask it to.

Recent past: 7 of Wands, showing a man standing on a hill, with wands pointed at him from the foreground. Being prepared for whatever comes, you've picked your high ground. Forces are arrayed against you, but you operate from a position of strength.

Bridge or barrier: Ace of Swords. Shows a sword, surrounded by flowered garlands, but the sword pierces through them. Attainment of power or goals. insight/mental/mind, "cutting through the crap."

Near Future: Page of Wands. She stands holding a tall wand with a crystal at the top, emitting rays. Firecrackers at her belt. Harnessing available energy. It felt like a card showing "focussing," which was hopeful, suggesting getting in touch with whatever-it-is that makes me write well.

Root: 5 of Pentacles. Shows a ragged man in the snow, facing away from a stained glass window (the five pentacles are in the stained glass). Another hooded woman lies huddled in the snow under the window. Not taking help available, turning away, choosing to step outside, do it my way. It felt like writers block again, the feeling of being out in the cold, not making it on my own. The writing has felt impoverished in the past.

Goal: 6 of swords, reversed. Shows a man in a boat with swords in it, floating without his guidance into a cave. Trip to higher consciousness is advised. Reversed it means you have doubts about obtaining your goal. I asked her, "Doubts about achieving it or doubts about wanting to achieve it? "Excellent question," she replied.

How you see yourself: Chariot. Balance again. About not driving (the driver is holding a lyre rather than the reins). He is focused on his art, rather than the journey, driven at high speed. This felt like another balance card, and the feeling of being slightly out of control. Interestingly enough, it was the only major arcana card in the entire reading.

How others see you: 8 of swords, reversed. This is a scary looking card, with a bound blindfolded woman surrounded by cards, but since it's reversed, the meaning is respite from fear, new beginnings, freedom, release. A very hopeful meaning.

Hopes and fears: 10 of cups. Happy family, surrounded by abundance. Home, joy, familial bliss, contentment of heart, peace, respect from others.

Up until this point, I had felt that the reading was moving in a very hopeful direction. I had been blocked, but somehow I was going to get focused and move in the right direction. Then Laurie turned over the last card.

Outcome: 6 of pentacles, reversed. Shows a man holding a scale, with hands reaching out to him. Reversed, it means unstable finances, frustrated plans, jealousy can cause harm.

I stared at the card, disappointed. Rats.

Laurie suggested that since there was only one major arcana card, this might be interpreted as a very short term reading. Perhaps the last card was a caution, rather than a prediction. Jealousy, I thought, and laughed a little. I told her how I had sat next to Jane Yolen at the signing, and there had been a long line at the table for her to sign (serendipoz probably had at least fifty books for her) and nobody had one of mine. Yeah, I have to beware of jealousy, of comparing myself to others; it will only make my frustration/dissatisfaction about the progress of my career worse.

Comments, especially about that last card?

Comments

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

Considering the rest of the reading, and the history of this book, I would think that perhaps it's a 'outcome so far' card rather than 'what's going to happen next card.

The other thing to consider is that it could be a suggestion/reminder to have back up plans--if you stay blocked, can't get focused, other things that will hamper your intended goal, do you have other things you can do that will get you, maybe not to the part a goal but that will still move you along the part b path?

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

That seems more hopeful!

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

Granted I don't do many readings, but I do think it's important to look not just at the cards as individuals, but the mood of the cards as a whole--a reading which was that closely focused on what you wanted it to address isn't going to wander so dramatically at the end, I don't think. It's more likely that you simply haven't figured out what the card is refering to.

I predict within a week you will sit bolt upright in bed as you try to fall asleep and say, "of course!" I mean, heck, it could be as simple as the plot of the book isn't going to go where you want it to go, and thus you have writer's block as you try and force it to fit. (okay, I may be projecting there. :)

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I feel somewhat the same way you do about tarot. I think that it can be a pathway into the subject's subconscious, particularly if the tarot reader gives alternative and open-ended meanings to the cards.

I'm not you. If I received that last card in a reading in which I was seeking guidance about a goal, it would prompt me to ask myself: Why, exactly, do I want this?

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

I think tarot can be fun but do not believe in them per say. There is a lot of basic psychology used in reading and interperting them. They use avenues and themes that are relevant to all of us at some point in your life.

I think all writers want to be able to live off of there writing but realistically not many do. Nor is it the money that compells most writers to keep writing. Well maybe the dream of wealth and fame.....

Writing can be extremely challenging when you work and have a family. I don't know you very well at all but I admire you're persistance to work on your writing, don't be so hard on yourself.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

Outcome: 6 of pentacles, reversed. Shows a man holding a scale, with hands reaching out to him. Reversed, it means unstable finances, frustrated plans, jealousy can cause harm.

In the deck I prefer, that's the Six of Pumpkins, which shows a witch sharing out Halloween treats with trick o'treaters; the six pumpkins, the witch, the trick o'treaters, and the black cat are all smiling, happy and relaxed. I read it as Everything's Easy: Too Easy. Which means it's a mixed blessing, even unreversed. (Always remembering here that the interpretation of the cards depends on the person doing the interpretating *g*). Reversed, it retains its transitory feel: Yes, a bad period in which things are tight and friends are clenched. But -- a period only; a transition phase.

It might be you want to look more closely at your question. Tarot cards often tend to have a sense of humor, and are sometimes verrrrryyyy literal...

FWIW. $.02

[tiellan.livejournal.com]

Could the situation surrounding you also be significant of your own self-talk? I don't know about you, but the things I tell myself are often cruel. The bridge/barrier card and near future card seem to go hand in hand, that focusing and harnessing what your power is will help you "cut through the crap" -- so perhaps the power is your self-talk? If you turn it around into more positive self-talk, your own power might surprise you. The "how you see yourself" card also seemed significant to me, especially the idea of focusing on the art (of writing) rather than the journey (or destination). Does this mean you feel you're not focusing enough on your goal, or is it an indication that you *should* focus less on your goal and more on your "art" instead? To me the outcome card seems more like a warning than a prediction -- beware of jealousy and comparing yourself to others. Which suggests to me that the "how you see yourself" card should be interpreted as a suggestion to focus more on your art and less on the destination. But that's just my personal take on it, filtered through my own experiences and struggles.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Looking at the rest of the reading (and I have a slightly different interp of the page of wands, seeing him/her as a seeker of wisdom) I'd say the "weight" is with the other cards, which means this one is short term, my guess would be minor hassles getting it sold--maybe low advance--diddly stuff, but once past that bumpy road (and the pentacles means, to me, specifically the money end of things) things are going to be quite positive. Very positive, in fact.

[kfitzwarin.livejournal.com]

Tiellan said a lot of what I was thinking.

Also (depending on the reader), the 'outcome' card is sometimes really 'the outcome if you stay on the current course', in which case this might be a little bit of a warning that a little course-change (as T suggests about focusing on the journey, or being aware of and avoiding the jealousy) might be a good idea and can get you moving towards your goals without that (not-as-ideal) side outcome. There are a lot of cards in this reading about balance, about choosing and the results of choosing.

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

When I used to do rune and I Ching readings, I generally viewed the outcome-type result as "what will happen if you continue doing exactly what you're doing." Just another perspective.

I'm with you and Kij on using such things to access the subconscious or whatever. I didn't know that about Tim Powers. How interesting.

I will totally stand in your line if I ever get a chance, and so will assaultdoor and jenniferward. ;) I remember going to an SF con in the San Jose area a few years ago. It might have been the Worldcon they had here. Whatever it was, when I got there I found out I couldn't afford a one-day pass. On my way out I passed through the open artists' alley area. There was P. Craig Russell sitting at his table all alone. I couldn't believe it. Normally I'm too embarassed to fangirl over anyone, but I couldn't help it. P. CRAIG RUSSELL! ALL ALONE! "No one here knows who I am," he said. Yeesh ...

[king-tirian.livejournal.com]

Your description matches the Rider-Waite deck (http://www.lepalaisdutarot.com/PalaisT/Rider.htm), for what it's worth.

I had a talent for reading back in college, although now I sort of regard the practice as indefinably unsettling so I haven't done it in ages. Anyway, when the outcome card was contrary to the theme I had been building up through the other nine cards, my stock conclusion was that the board indicated the direction of the future and the outcome card spoke of your ability to make a central decision that would either fulfill or confound the destiny indicated by the rest of the board, whether that was a gleam of hope or a single dark cloud in a blue sky.

Forgetting that I know what your question is, I'd have said that the King of Swords was a rival of yours who had fought you and left you in a position of (literal or more likely figurative) destitution. The future seems brighter than the past, with indicators that you have the capacity to refocus yourself and emerge anew, and your friends and family are eager to assist in this cause. However, the final card is saying that you have to make a plan before you can succeed at it.

When you told your reader that you may have doubts about achieving your goals, that really was the money shot like she said because in that light I think that's exactly the frustrated plans that the outcome card is talking about. The King of Swords is beating you, and either fighting back or escaping will succeed, but neither will work until you make the choice and live it. The lack of Major Arcana would lead me to think that this shouldn't be an earth-shattering choice, so the more natural decision is better as long as you make it.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

I was envisioning it as the Robin Wood deck (http://www.villarevak.org/resource_dis/rwo.html), but I know she based her work off the Rider-Waite, so I suppose either is equally likely. :)

[king-tirian.livejournal.com]

Heh. I started to write a sentence that said something about that it was either Rider or a knock-off, and probably a knock-off because doing a reading with Rider at a con seemed like eating a McDonalds hamburger at a public market -- as nutritious as anything else, but would be dozens of people watching you and snickering at your lack of sophistication. Then I decided that was a run-on sentence and deleted it. :)

[red-queen.livejournal.com]

Haven't read cards in about 5 years, but here's my take: a *reversed* card implies that you can flip it by changing your approach/thinking/actions. That "outcome" card sounds like it's telling you what you keep having to fight through in order to get real writing work done. It's a baggage cartful of emotional baggage, if you will. (Does this make any sense? If not, it's me, not you!)

Moreover, your reversed card is not one of the Major Arcana -- it's not as strong as some of the other cards that showed up. I agree with 'most everyone else here -- it's more by way of warning than prediction. I think Tarot is a great insight tool -- it pulls at the subconscious processes and helps you articulate them in a language of symbols. Said language of symbols is not a common modern one, so it's in some sense "truer" -- harder to put one's thumb on the scales when it's not an everyday mode of speech. Or that's my theory... and like all theories, may bear little or no resemblance to Reality As You Know It.

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

I tend to interpret the cards as saying more about internal states and spiritual paths, so I'd look at that last card as having to do more with your attitudes about finances than necessarily saying anything about your bank account.

[pameladean]

I don't know anything about Tarot.

That said, I was on Jane's other side, and next to me was another author who didn't get anybody coming up to ask her to sign books. I signed about eight, I think. I was vividly reminded of the time that Uncle Hugo's scheduled me to sign the newly-released Hidden Land alongside David Brin, who had just published The Postman and had come in to town to speak to the Union of Postal Workers. He had a line around the block. Everybody who knew who I was had already bought a copy of my book and asked me to sign it.

Brin, who was much nicer then, ended up cajoling people into buying my book. (He sorted them by whether they knew any ten-year-olds.) But that was the first time I really understood about my writing career that I couldn't think about what other people were doing. I had to think about what I was doing. Not in relation to what other people were doing, but in relation to what else I was doing.

It's one of those annoying lessons that comes unlearned regularly. I did feel a horrid sinking when I looked at all Jane's books. She is not actually so very much older than I am. But I know from being on panels with her and talking to her that not only do we not do the same thing, we don't work in the same way on what we do do. Nobody is ever going to come up to me with sixty books that I've written. But I like what they have said to me when they do come up, which does not always happen. I did a signing with no takers the first year Minicon was in the Hilton. You know your readers are out there, even if they can't arrive in person. They want you to write your book.

So do I.

P.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Pamela. As I was saying serendipoz, what was bothering me wasn't so much "She's successful, I'm not" (as if success was a zero-sum game; I can only succeed if she fails) but the thought, "She's getting all this attention because she deserves it because she has worked so hard. Whereas I'm a lazy slacker in comparison. The reason I don't have people coming up to sign my latest book is because it's been years since I've written one.

I noted that my seminal post on career envy was written right after a Minicon. It is something I have to struggle with occasionally.

[phoenixw.livejournal.com]

What I see here is some necessary intellectual development going on, quite nicely thank you, but it isn't manifesting in the physical just yet. One of my biology professors once told me that confusion is the state of mind that precedes clarity - it tells you your brain is working. So while you're not getting the results you want yet, your head is moving to a better place.

I'd suggest focusing on that Ace of Swords - use your intellect as a tool to transition from past to future (wands tell you where your energy is). Consider approaching your "higher conscsiousness" (whatever that is for you) and ask it for information. You have some blockages to achieving the physical manifestation of your work, but that doesn't mean your mind isn't working in the interim.

My two cents, along with a salt-shaker. :-)

[magentamn.livejournal.com]

I used to read professionally, but I quit because it was too stressful.

Here are a few thoughts, for what it's worth.

Not to be too cliche, but the King of Swords reversed sounds to me like maybe internalized patriarchy, the sort of "women aren't supposed to succeed" that many of us have to overcome, or at least, put our fingers in our ears and go la-la-la. Also, how limiting is your work situation? Are you surround by arguments and conflict on some level that drains your energy?

Page of Wands as near future seems like it could be new energy for communication.

Six of Pentacles reversed sounds like financial problems to me, but the whole point of a reading is to know what to watch out for. Now is not the time for financial risks. Make sure your mundane plans are sound. That sort of thing. Just being warned sometimes changes the situation, and the problem never occurs.

Of course, it's hard to read with just the cards. It's always the interaction between the reader and the client as well.

I really got a sense last week at the reading that the ice is melting, and the words are beginning to flow. Double meaning intended.

[huladavid.livejournal.com]

I think it's interesting that the Outcome card had a "balance" theme to it.

(Don't know where this thought came from, but maybe you need to fall over.)

[callunav.livejournal.com]

Couple things. First, suits. Pentacles can mean money, but they often mean work, the kind of 'put your back into it' work, achievement through effort rather than through luck, gift, or inspiration. Pentacles are earth. Swords have that cutting 'decision' quality, but they're also air, and therefore words. I think the king of swords reversed is the very personification of writer's block - the domineering, threatening presence that bars you from your words.

Wands are fire, thus inspiration, passion, impulse, vision. Cups, water, emotions and relationships.

And then--how I might read it. But I don't know you, and the person who read for you does. So....I'd back her over me any day. :)

So, you - balancing a lot of different kinds of work. Trying to put your sweat equity into the book, but still maintain all yourother obligations. Tightrope walk indeed.

Situation - I would say, perceived situation: the barrier of words. Possibly the intimidation of Writing with a capital W, the idea getting in the way of the actuality. Or not!

Recent past - you picked out your creative turf, defined your territory very forthrightly. I-Am-Going-To-Write-This-Like-This. A strong position, but one not suited to accepting momentary uncertainties with grace.

Bridge to cross: the ultimate, idealized craft of words. To travel from one lived reality into another livable reality, across an idea.

Near future - pages have, as their provence, the Beginner's Mind. Sparks shoot off in all directions. This is a much more mobile, reaching, stretching kind of creativity than the seven of wands. Less rooted, more expansive, more experimental.

Foundation - I read the five of pentacles as "Misery." Drizzling, grey, cold, bleak, and nothing offered seems as though it would help. There is light, there is warmth somewhere, but it's not where you are. To work without a visceral feeling of hope. I think some of your glare reports have evoked that sensation pretty well.

Crown - The one who taught me most of what I know about tarot calls this trip the journey to Avalon. It's a mystic or spiritual journey. Reversed, I wonder if it might be about letting go of /direction/, goal-orientation, and letting the (s)words take you into a place of unbeing, ungoing, and finding what happens there.

yourself - you have harnessed great and opposing forces, brought them together, to produce great power and movement. You do not guide, you get things started, and ride them out.

I read the next card as emotions, but if you read it as how others see you, I wonder if there's a sense of others perceiving you as free when you feel bound, or others not able to perceive the ways in which you may be bound. But of course, they may be right.

Hopes and fears....'nuff said. Which of us doesn't hope for the 10 of cups at some point?

And outcome, the only one you actually asked about. If the six of pentacles is a person who is already wealthy, and is handing out measured gifts, a stable, solid, established kind of figure, then reversed, perhaps you have a person still in the swirling middle of everything, giving to others, not in that stolid, measured way, but in rushes and halts, as best as can be at any given moment. And perhaps since pentacles are the sign of craft, this is your ability write, to give yourself to your craft and to give your craft to the world. You're not Anthony Trollope writing a set number of pages every day, whether that means stopping in the middle of something or finishing one book and starting the next. You don't have that kind of placid, reasonable production like an irrigation system, and it's not coming any time soon. Which....may not be such a bad thing, anyhow.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your thoughts!

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

frustrated plans, jealousy can cause harm.

I don't know Tarot too well. However, this keeps poking at me. It feels more like your own expectations, and your assumptions about other people's expectations, are causing the most harm. Also, jealousy over other people's accomplishments, in the sense that you feel that anything you do won't match up to their accomplishments, and/or anything you do won't be any good.

So basically, depressive habits are getting in your way.

Then again, I may be projecting. Just a touch.

[luned.livejournal.com]

To quote pameladean's comment: You know your readers are out there, even if they can't arrive in person. They want you to write your book.

And one of them arrived in person, but read all your books out of the library and thus didn't have a copy for you to sign. I think I told you this. ;)

I am really, really, looking forward to the book you're writing, and I can wait a long time for it. And, from reading over your entries here, you have a whole lot of family and non-writing job things going on. I don't know, I'm not you, but maybe you'll feel more confident about writing if your personal life doesn't feel like everything's on fire at once...

Not what you asked for

[eileenlufkin.livejournal.com]

I know this wasn't the question, but what my brain chose to offer me was a reading for Solveig. I hope some of this might be wrong in a useful, "no, of course not, it must mean this" kind of way.

"The Signifier: 2 of Pentacles, showing a woman on a tightrope, holding a pentacle in each hand. "Balance or focus."

Solvieg

"Situation Surrounding You: King of Swords, reversed. Cruel and crafty, untrustworthy, crafty pig-headed."

Rolf

"Recent past: 7 of Wands, showing a man standing on a hill, with wands pointed at him from the foreground. Being prepared for whatever comes, you've picked your high ground. Forces are arrayed against you, but you operate from a position of strength."

Smart, brave, hard-working, loves her daughter, is one of the good guys so she can have friends instead of minions, fish will talk to her.

"Bridge or barrier: Ace of Swords. Shows a sword, surrounded by flowered garlands, but the sword pierces through them. Attainment of power or goals. insight/mental/mind, "cutting through the crap."

Yes, swords as bridge or barrier, what's weeds and what's flower, what is the crap? Do grown-ups talk to fish? Do grown-ups talk to stuffed hippos?

"Near Future: Page of Wands. She stands holding a tall wand with a crystal at the top, emitting rays. Firecrackers at her belt. Harnessing available energy."

This is her daughter. Who gets to harness her energy?

"Root: 5 of Pentacles. Shows a ragged man in the snow, facing away from a stained glass window (the five pentacles are in the stained glass). Another hooded woman lies huddled in the snow under the window. Not taking help available, turning away, choosing to step outside, do it my way."

This is Jack deciding not to do what Rolf does. So what is he going to do instead?

"Goal: 6 of swords, reversed. Shows a man in a boat with swords in it, floating without his guidance into a cave. Trip to higher consciousness is advised. Reversed it means you have doubts about obtaining your goal. I asked her, "Doubts about achieving it or doubts about wanting to achieve it? "Excellent question," she replied"

She wants to do what it takes to break the spell on her daughter, but does she want magic to stay in her life? Does she want to become the kind of person who talks to fish? Once you admit you can hear them do they ever shut up?

"How you see yourself: Chariot. Balance again. About not driving (the driver is holding a lyre rather than the reins). He is focused on his art, rather than the journey, driven at high speed. This felt like another balance card, and the feeling of being slightly out of control. Interestingly enough, it was the only major arcana card in the entire reading."

This is the meta card, she shouldn't know she's in a book; but at the same time, even though she's the one person who wants a happy ending more than you do, it's not her job to help you; it's her job to be honest and tell you "I don't care how much easier it would make the plot, I wouldn't do that."

"How others see you: 8 of swords, reversed. This is a scary looking card, with a bound blindfolded woman surrounded by cards, but since it's reversed, the meaning is respite from fear, new beginnings, freedom, release. A very hopeful meaning."

Has she been scared of looking weird in public? She's going to have to free herself from that at least.

"Hopes and fears: 10 of cups. Happy family, surrounded by abundance. Home, joy, familial bliss, contentment of heart, peace, respect from others."

In some small part of her could this also be a fear?

Outcome: 6 of pentacles, reversed. Shows a man holding a scale, with hands reaching out to him. Reversed, it means unstable finances, frustrated plans, jealousy can cause harm.

How many sick days does she have? What's it going to do to her career if she has to take any of them? Is Jack going to get away with things she can't, or thinks she couldn't so won't try?

Re: Not what you asked for

[elisem.livejournal.com]

Yeah. What she said. That.

Also, earrings.

Re: Not what you asked for

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Wow, cool reading! Thanks!

Re: Not what you asked for

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

"Goal: 6 of swords, reversed. Shows a man in a boat with swords in it, floating without his guidance into a cave. Trip to higher consciousness is advised. Reversed it means you have doubts about obtaining your goal. I asked her, "Doubts about achieving it or doubts about wanting to achieve it? "Excellent question," she replied"

She wants to do what it takes to break the spell on her daughter, but does she want magic to stay in her life? Does she want to become the kind of person who talks to fish? Once you admit you can hear them do they ever shut up?

Another thing that springs to mind here, thinking about the reading as applied to Solveig, is the incident at the Aquatennial Milk Carton Boat races, where Solveig falls out of the boat and a fish talks to her, for the first time since her father's death. She is taking a journey, literally, to the "cave" i.e., under the water's surface where the fish swim, the realm of the unconscious, death, magic, mystery. When she emerges, she will have to decide what to do with the knowledge she has gained. Will she deny it? Or admit that she has had winter magic in her all along?

Cool. *goes off to think some more*

[serendipoz.livejournal.com]

Laurie suggested that since there was only one major arcana card, this might be interpreted as a very short term reading. Perhaps the last card was a caution, rather than a prediction. Jealousy, I thought, and laughed a little. I told her how I had sat next to Jane Yolen at the signing, and there had been a long line at the table for her to sign (serendipoz probably had at least fifty books for her) and nobody had one of mine. Yeah, I have to beware of jealousy, of comparing myself to others; it will only make my frustration/dissatisfaction about the progress of my career worse.

I admit I felt rather uncomfortable watching you and Pam sit there while Jane signed my bags of books as well. (I had asked Jane by email what would be appropriate, and told her that I had *a lot* of books to be signed. I've been accumulating them into the bags for several years now.)

I have copies of your books (and Pam's books) that I don't have signed and promised myself I'd bring them to you *soon*.

*hug*

Don't feel bad!

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

You saw the post I wrote a long time ago about career envy, didn't you? (Interestingly enough, I note that I wrote it right after a Minicon.) And perhaps you heard the story Jane herself told about her first signing, when she sat next to Robert Silverberg and . . . I don't remember. Another "burg." And Robert Silverberg's wife felt so bad for her because no one was coming up to have her books signed, whereas the line was out the door for the other two that she ducked over to the dealer's table to buy one of Jane's books to have her sign it so that she wouldn't feel so bad.

I adore Jane as a person and admire her writing; it's not that I'm resenting her success; it's that I'd like some of my own! (I don't think that success is a zero sum game: i.e., in order for me to have some, she has to fail.) I suppose part of the reason I didn't feel the greatest, too, was that I was reflecting that Jane has worked awfully hard to deserve that success (all those books she's written) and I, on the other hand, was reaping the just reward of the lazy slacker. No one was coming up to have my book signed because I haven't had a new one out for years. Does that make sense?

Anyway, career envy is something I'm aware of, that I'm not proud of, that I struggle against. At any rate, my career envy is no reason for you not to get your books signed! I love to get books signed, myself. Rob and I have hundreds of signed books in our house.