Equalibrium and disequalibrium

[pegkerr]

I mentioned that things are going rather well with Delia lately. This is a pleasant change.

Which means that it must be time for Fiona to enter disequalibrium, and right on schedule, that is what has happened. Come to think of it, she was in an equally bad state when school started last year. She has come back from camp mentally rumpled, with a tendency toward teariness--she has cried herself to sleep the least three nights. And she can't in the least explain why; she is perplexed at her own moodiness and has no idea what is going on.

She is also insisting, even more stridently, that she wants her own room.

This makes me want to cry myself.

I think we have definitely entered puberty. I don't feel ready for this.

I can't give up my office entirely.

Damnation.

Comments

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

I, too, have an adolescent. The thing that they are making the fuss about may not actually cause (or alleviate) the fuss. If you could wave a wand and give her a new room, it is at least possible that a new crisis would emerge.

You can say "no" and still be a good mother. You can occasionally put your needs ahead of a child's and still be a good mother.

Good mother is NOT equivalent to martyr; the friends I had whose mothers were martyrs said that the martyrs always expected payback.

[janni.livejournal.com]

Well said, all of it.

You should not have to give up your office. It's your workspace; your writing is a part of your career, too.

And having a place of one's own can actually make one a better parent, I think.

But even if it didn't, you deserve that space and are in every way entitled to it.

[callunav.livejournal.com]

What jonquil said.

[litgirl101.livejournal.com]

Jonquil makes good point. As a teacher of adolescents, I agree that asking for her own room may not even be the real issue and getting it may solve nothing. It's her age, her hormones, etc. Address the child herself, with love, reassurance, and patience, as best you can and as much as she'll let you. That's all you can do. Girl siblings that close in age will fight when they are together so much - I know firsthand - you can ask Dave, he witnessed atrocious spats between my sister and me! - but I would have felt very lonely without my sister in my room. When she would go out for the evening (she is two years older than me) I could never sleep until I heard her crawl into bed. And now, she is my best, most trusted friend, as long as we spend less than 48 hours together. At about 48 hours, the carrieage becomes a pumpkin again and we scrap! But sharing a room did not cause that.