Peg Kerr's Journal

Poor Mark has learned the awful fate of Boromir, son of Denethor and is totally broken up over it:

How can you do this to Boromir??!??! I THOUGHT SAM AND FRODO ESCAPED ON A BOAT??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ALL OF MY EMOTIONS, YOU HEARTLESS TELLER OF LIES? YOU’RE LYING TO ME, RIGHT? THIS IS THE ONLY CANON THAT I CAN ACCEPT.

‘You have conquered. Few have gained such a victory. Be at peace! Minas Tirith shall not fall!’

Boromir smiled.

‘Which way did they go? Was Frodo there?’ said Aragorn.

But Boromir did not speak again.

I just can’t. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENS ON LIKE THE SECOND GODDAMN PAGE. Oh, was breaking up the Fellowship not enough for all of us? Nope. Tolkien had to tease us with a chapter title that I thought referred to Boromir breaking off from the group to go be awesome in Minas Tirith ['The Departure of Boromir']. BUT NO. TOLKIEN KILLS HIM OFF.

fuck. FUCK!!!!!! I AM SERIOUSLY SO UPSET! I know y’all know this by now, but I love morally ambiguous or questionable characters like white people love The Help and THIS IS HURTING ME! I WANT MORE BOROMIR. Also, I am realizing that I am essentially yelling into an empty room because not a word of this is going to change or affect a single thing anywhere. Well, that just made me a whole lot sadder.

He knelt for a while, bent with weeping, still clasping Boromir’s hand.

Done. I’m done. Just bury me right here on the Internet with my laptop and my LEGO sets and just be done with it. Don’t even have a funeral. Just stack some rocks and make my headstone say, “Dear J.R.R. Tolkien, You killed me and I will haunt you in the afterlife even if it’s not possible, you deserve everything awful (only you don’t because oh my god i love you so much but it’s that “hateful” kind of love), and may you be seated on a bed of thumbtacks or something moderately irritating.” Yes, that.

This really made me laugh: someone else in the comments pointed to a Tumblr, saying: "From the inimitable GingerHaze on Tumblr, specifically here: 'After Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones, I want to write a medieval fantasy for Sean Bean where he has a nice day and things go well.'" With art:

Mark Oshira of Mark Reads has finished The Hobbit (sse his review, chapter by chapter, here) and he is beginning to read The Lord of the Rings:

In the first chapter of The Fellowship of the Ring, Bilbo Baggins arranges the most spectacular party imaginable in order to pass his wealth on to his nephew and heir, Frodo Baggins. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read The Lord of the Rings.

Oh, I am truly, truly excited to finally start this project. I had a lot of fun with The Hobbit, so I have less of an expectation to dislike this book. Instead, I’m actually super excited to get a chance to learn why so many millions of people (and all my close personal friends, who are flabbergasted I’ve avoided this for so long) are in love with J.R.R. Tolkien and The Lord of the Rings. The only thing I’ve allowed people to spoil me on is the opinion that this book is better-written and darker than The Hobbit, and I’m perfectly okay knowing this. You know why? Because this is what I’ve managed to retain from pop culture regarding The Lord of the Rings.

WHAT I KNOW ABOUT LORD OF THE RINGS

■You can’t walk into Mordor.
■There are twins?
■One of them likes potatoes a lot? I honestly am so stumped as to why this is a thing at all and what the fuck have you done fandom.
■Gandalf is in it
■There’s a hobbit named Frodo, and Elijah Wood plays him.
■I’ve heard that John Noble, who plays the brilliant Walter Bishop on Fringe, is in one or some of the movies! I don’t know who he plays.
■There’s a character named Legolas and Orlando Bloom plays him and his name was always distracting because I’m a huge LEGO fan and I’m like IS HE MADE OF LEGOS. He’s not and that upsets me.
■You know, I spent time intellectualizing LEGOS a couple weeks ago, especially since I’ve had a resurgence in my obsession (AKA I can actually afford like one set a month), and I realized that because my brain is spatially-challenged, LEGOs allow me to feel like I can build and construct things with my hands. I’ve always had a problem with arranging things in physical space, and I think that’s where my clumsiness comes from. I always feel so accomplished when I complete a model.
■WELL OKAY THAT WAS FUN. Um…Gollum is in this? I think?
■There’s a Shire.
■um
■well
■There’s a ring? And someone is lord of it? Is it the same ring that Bilbo took from Gollum?
■??????
■?????????
■??????????????

This is gonna be fun! Follow along here.